20
ELENA
I wakeup next to Logan—Lorcán.Fuck, that’s going to take some getting used to.
Despite the sadness and anger still festering in me, I didn’t move away from him at all during the night. Not when his scent is still so comforting to me.
I hate that his scent has that effect on me. I hate what I know about Cillian and Finn but have yet to accept it. I hate Declan for sticking a needle in my neck and shoving me in that room.
But most of all, I’m trying to grapple with how I feel about my father.
I won’t act like I’m a good person. I’m more than aware of the things my family has done, and I’ve been complicit in their wrongdoing. I’m fine if that makes me a bad person, too, but my pápa was always such a good dad, and now I feel like my whole life has been a lie.
I almost wish the expectations he had for me were clearer, that he didn’t placate me into thinking I’d have some normal chosen life. At least then, I could have been prepared.
This feeling of being deceived and blindsided is what hurts me more than anything. It feels like my whole life is a fucking lie.
I inhale Lorcán’s rich cedarwood scent and try to clear my mind.
Despite all the vitriol I threw his way last night, he still took care of me. He was still the respectful caretaker I’ve always known him to be. It hits me in the gut that this man I’ve depended on for so many years has been lying to me too, and what’s worse, is he truly might be the only person in the entire world who cares what happens to me.
I don’t forgive him; I don’t know how long that will take or if I even can, but he did pledge his allegiance to me, against his brothers nonetheless.
The brothers that I hate so fucking much right now, even though deep down I know what they are to me.
They’re my fucking scent matches.
It’s why I was so drawn to Cillian that first night, why I gave into Finn so easily once I went off my suppressants. I didn’t want to believe it, didn’t want to admit it to myself for multiple reasons.
A scent match feels like just another way for the universe to control my life. Maybe if the circumstances were different, maybe if my father raised me differently, I wouldn’t feel this averse to the idea.
But now that I’m trapped in this fucking house with their scents permeating through the walls, along with not having had any suppressants in multiple days, the cold, hard truth smacks me in the face.
My scent matches kidnapped me and are keeping me captive.
I don’t know how to feel about their treatment of me or the fact that these are the men my pápa signed me over to.
I’m sure as hell not feeling forgiving or in the mood to be pleasant, that’s for damn sure. But could I truly run away from my destined matches, no matter how horrible they are? There’s nothing waiting for me outside of these walls besides a brotherwho loathes my existence and a sex club I could never step foot in again.
“Are you hungry?” Lorcán’s deep voice rumbles, and I nod my head.
Now that he’s awake, I quickly remove my body from his. His scent is still thickly wrapped around me as I rest my head against his bed frame and look over at him.
“What would work with your stomach? Do you want your suppressants?”
“Yes,” I answer plainly, I need my wits about me. “Maybe just some toast with jam, some fruit,” I say, and he nods his head.
He looks like he wants to touch me but holds himself back.
“I’m going to make things right between us, Elena.”
I don’t respond, and instead, I turn my face to look at the wall rather than him. With a heavy sigh, he leaves the room, and I’m alone once again.
I curl up into his sheets, embedding his scent into my skin as I think about how hopeless my situation feels. With Cillian and Finn being my scent matches, I guess it didn’t matter what my father’s plans were for me; I was never destined to have a choice.
Isn’t that the fucking bitch of it all?
But is it too much to ask for my pre-destined mates to treat me better than some sub-human prisoner? I want to cry, thinking about the fact that my scent matches refused me clean clothes and left me alone for days on end. I rub my face, hating everything about my life right now.
