“We’ve all been there,” she dismisses my apology easily with a shrug of her shoulders.
I’m brushing through my wet hair on my side of the vanity when I finally get the courage to ask her a question.
“Have you ever fallen for a client?” I ask.
She laughs and shakes her head. “Hell no. Oh God, your mystery dude?” she asks, and I nod. She sighs and shakes her head again. “The whole point of this place is about choice and having the power. If you like him, go for it. If you want to be independent, get under someone else to get over him,” she encourages, letting me know that either option is a valid option to want or go after.
Jade doesn’t say anything else, and neither do I, as we dress for the day before she goes back to her room.
Declan or Finn should be at the club tonight. While I want nothing to do with Finn, I could easily see myself flirting and having a good time with the blue-eyed Beta. He has an edge to him that’s alluring in a dark way I’m more than familiar with.
It’s a little upsetting, but he reminds me of Logan in a way. Not that I really know Declan to compare, but he seems to have that same protective focus that Logan always had when watching over me.
I sigh, thinking about my old bodyguard.
I wonder if he misses me or if he sees my disappearance as a relief, not having to take care of me anymore. With me gone, I’m sure my brother gave him more responsibility. He never crossed a boundary with me, so I know he wasn’t interested in me in that way, but I can’t deny that I miss him.
I suppose running away is what I’m good at, and I never really took the step towards seeing if there was anything more between us. I always assumed he was all business. I guess I’ll never know now.
My stomach aches, and I feel homesick. I miss my big tub at home and the way Lisa would cook me my favorite meals when I was hurting or aching. Then there was always Logan, who was more than willing to hug me or mark me up with his scent when I wasn’t feeling well. He might not have had the same feelings as me, but he always made me feel safe.
Cillian has been a great comfort, but even with him, I feel confused. I still feel slightly uncomfortable that he lied about his name. I suppose that his reasoning made sense enough. A lot of the girls at the club use a fake name. At least he came clean before we slept together. To be honest, he looks much more like a Cillian than an Ian.
I’m basically disassociating with what happened with Finn because when I think about it, my stomach hurts. He isn’t even remotely kind to me. How could I have let him touch me?
I’m out of my depths here, and maybe it’s because my hormones are all over the place, but I just feel lost. I miss home, and I’m starting to have feelings for a client, which I’m not sure how to handle. Is pursuing Cillian outside of the club something I should do? Is that even something he would want?
Or am I just so fucking needy that I’m latching on to the first Alpha who shows me some tenderness?
It would be easier if Cillian just came here, wanting to pay me for sex and leave, but besides that first night, he always chooses to stay after we do something. I mean, we spent the entire night in the Royal Flush Room.
He meant what he said about forgiving me; he didn’t bring Finn up again and was nothing but sweet as we lay in bed together. He didn’t fully undress, but I felt closer to him than I have with anyone else. It’s the intimacy I’ve been lacking by circumventing my heats and being adamantly against being arranged to another pack.
I need my suppressants desperately.
I call the pharmacy, and the lady is a total bitch. “We will call you when it’s complete. There’s no reason to keep calling us.”
With a groan, I get dressed for the day and wonder if I’m truly considering letting the Beta Cillian hired to watch after me outside of the club touch me tonight. Or why Cillian would ever let an employee touch me.
I decide not to question it. I’m not getting paid fifty thousand dollars to think. I put on the strapless red dress that hugs my breasts and waist and do something I’ve grown overly good at. I dissociate.
Declan is one of the few Betas who is here as a member. He stands out like a sore thumb in his tight black shirt and gray slacks. All the other Alpha males around are wearing thousand dollar suits, but he very well likely got his outfit offline for a reasonable price.
I’m standing with a martini glass in hand when he approaches me.
“Blondie, I see my cover’s been blown.”
“Let’s be honest, I don’t think you were very stealthy to begin with. You offered me street drugs and took me to get Thai food.”
A wide grin forms on his face, and I realize just how handsome he is. He’s got a nicely trimmed beard that matches his auburn hair, but even underneath it, I can tell he has a small dimple when he smiles.
“Would you like something to drink?”
“Whiskey neat, please.”
“Do you want to gamble? Or we can go upstairs?”
“Upstairs is fine,” he says.
