“I remember it, do you?” he nods and kneels down before me, holding my hands.
This man who has fought this connection between us is literally on his knees before me, ready to lay it all out there.
“I know I’m not a good man. I know I can be a fucking asshole. Everything I did before is inexcusable.”
“You let me run away.” I don’t know why that’s the first thing that comes to my mind and not the kidnapping. I guess the part of me that likes a possessive Alpha doesn’t mind that as much. My exhaustion, mixed with the end of my heat, has me feeling some type of way over him not wanting me. “You were very clear about not wanting anything to do with me. What changed?”
“You did. You staying here, being loyal to the family during my fight. The way you took care of me, even when you should hate me. How happy you make my brother, and how you seem to help mend this relationship between us and Lorcán. You even stood up to my mother, for fuck’s sake. I’d be blind to not want you, Elena.”
“Are you saying I fixed you?” I tease with a smile, and he shakes his head.
He rests his face on my thigh, the same way I did when I came in here, begging for him to be a part of my heat. Now, he’s asking me for forgiveness and understanding.
“Definitely not. Part of me was always fighting this draw I had toward you. Maybe it’s because we’re scent matches, but it’s grown into more for me. I’m far from fucking perfect. I still have a lot of baggage.”
“What baggage?” I ask.
I’ve seen it in his eyes and in the cryptic words he uses sometimes. When he sent me away, there was pain swimming in his gaze.
I feel his guilt trickle through the bond as he looks up at me. He runs a thumb over the scars on his face that trail down his collarbone.
“There was a girl.”
It’s embarrassing, the sound of annoyance that rips out of my throat.
“Sorry, keep going.”
The side of his lip tilts, and he strokes his thumb over his lip again.
“This was years ago, in my early twenties. Back then, I was taking every fight someone challenged me to, really making a name for myself in the underground fighting world. But I was cocky, a complete fucking show off. I felt untouchable.”
I stroke his hair, trying to decipher all these feelings flooding me.
“I spent most of my time in Ireland then because there was a girl, Declan’s cousin, Fiona.”
“What happened?”
“It was the best summer I ever had, drinking, partying, and fighting. I didn’t have a care in the fucking world. She’s one ofthe first people I ever cared about outside of my family, and she died because I was an arrogant prick.”
The sadness that flows through him is palpable, and I stroke his hair, waiting for him to continue.
“Everyone knew I was Seamus O’Brien’s son, and fewer people were willing to wager against me or fight me. So, I thought I’d go to London, try my luck there. Fiona wanted to come with me. She’d never left the island before. My name meant nothing there. I was a nobody. I quickly found the fighting scene but was too stupid or egotistical to get familiar with the gang politics there. I beat their best man, losing the boss a lot of money. Fiona and I were walking home when two men came out of nowhere with knives.”
“I was so busy trying to protect myself from my attacker that by the time I subdued him, she was dying. I watched her bleed out. That’s how I got these scars. Ever since that day, I never wanted to let anyone close again. I knew I didn’t deserve to have something like that again. The idea of caring about someone like that and losing them makes me sick to my stomach.”
My eyes fill with tears as I look at the broken man who’s kneeling before me.
“You still feel that way?”
“Yes. I know I don’t deserve you. It’s why I wanted you to leave. I thought maybe if you left, it wouldn’t hurt so bad. But it does.”
“I hurt you?”
He shakes his head and rests it in my lap for a few moments, just holding my hips.
“Your scent? How beautiful you are? How you can stand up to me without blinking an eye? It all hurts me because I knew the moment I gave in that you’d have all the power to fucking ruin me. Part of me wants to lock you back in the nest, so Iknow where you are and that you’re safe. Even though I know it’s wrong.”
He groans in my lap before standing up and looking down at me.
