She smells like me, and this claiming calms this obsessive need to mark her. I know I won’t be able to stifle this feeling for long. It’s hard to think when my knot is inside of her, and her sticky, sweet, vanilla pheromones are basically choking me to death.
Biologically, we’re driven to do this, to mate, mark, and impregnate.
But I know we aren’t there yet.
I groan, my hips thrusting intermittently, not wanting this feeling to end. I massage her back and hips as we wait for my knot to go down.
“You did so good, princess,” I tell her.
“Elena, how do you feel?” Cillian asks.
“More,” she moans.
And so starts endless days of debauchery.
35
FINN
I knew this would happen.
That if she came to me, her big blue eyes pleading with me to help during her heat that I’d cave in. Worse than cave in. I’d want more than she’s willing to give, more than I deserve.
I’m her scent match, biologically, she needs me. There’s no other reason for her to want me here, not when I’ve been so vile in my quest to push her away. I’ve been trying, but it’s hard. It’s hard to put my past behind me, to let someone in and tear down my walls.
I know she’s worth it, that I want to be a better man for her, but it’s easier said than done. She has no clue how I really feel, what I’ve even been denying myself.
As soon as I scented her the other day, making her nest, I knew. Claiming her as mine is a necessity, the need to protect her weighs heavy on me. If she’s mine, if we’re fully bonded, I’ll always know when she’s hurt, upset, or in danger.
I bounce my leg on the ground, trying to tame back this instinctual need to go over there and make her mine. I’d be lying if I said it was a new feeling. No matter how much I mentally try to control myself, my body proves otherwise, my baser urges are in charge at the moment.
I wish I could say that it was something new, that her being in heat is the reason I’m feeling so out of control. But that would be a lie. From the moment I met her, scented her, I wanted her. And I’ve hated myself for it.
That night in the hallway at the High Roller I knew I should have walked away, probably like I should right now. But she needed me, her scent match. And fuck, it feels nice to be needed again.
I’ve been sitting on the bed since her heat started, wondering what I should do. Should I leave?
No, there’s no fucking way I can leave this room, not when she needs me. Should I stroll over there and claim the woman I’ve been secretly pining over while not knowing how to act on it?
Even I can’t rationalize all my behavior when it comes to my stolen Italian princess. I’ve been hot and cold because of this deep feeling in my chest. If she needs me if she’s mine and I lose her? I don’t think I’d survive it. It’s the same reason I locked her in that room. I knew where she was, I knew she was safe and that she belonged to me.
It’s fucked up, possessive, and controlling. I’ve been wanting to explain it to her, but I’ve just been pushing it off. The idea of talking about my feelings sounds horrific.
A growl rumbles in my chest, but no one pays any attention to me.
The only reason I let her go before was because we weren’t bonded, and she could have a better life without me in it. I don’t deserve her, I know I’m not worthy. This tug of war between my instincts and my emotions is fucking me up, and I rub my temples, trying to have a rational thought.
As afraid as I am of truly committing, giving her the chance to hold my fucking soul in her hands, I know what I need to do. She needs to be mine. When she came back, she decided shewanted this life. So no matter how unworthy I am, she’s already decided to tie herself to me, that she belongs to me.
Maybe once she’s fully mine, it won’t feel so painful anymore. Maybe it will be easier to express these feelings and to talk about my past.
I shake all these errant thoughts from my head.What the fuck is happening to me?
Why do I want to pull her off of my brother and sink my teeth into her throat so fucking bad?
Her head is thrown back as she rides Cillian on the special chair she ordered specifically for his leg. Her heart is too soft, she’s too kind to wind up with men like us. Yet, here we all are, safely tucked away in this nest and feeding into her every whim.
Maybe I can be better with her, if I just give in to this need, everything will be better.
