“Why does everyone in this fucking place want me out so bad? Am I that much of an inconvenience?” I grumble, getting up off the picnic table, fully ready to storm away. Leon grabs my arm and forces me to park my ass back on the bench seat.
“Don’t be a fuckin’ brat, Lily. You know it’s not like that.”
“It feels like that,” I admit shyly, wrapping my arms around myself. “Sometimes it feels like everyone here just wants to hand me off and let me be someone else’s problem.”
“You’re not a problem,” he reassures softly, his hand now rubbing where he grabbed my arm. “This place is no good for you. We’re not good fuckin’ men, Lily. You’ve got to know that.”
“I never said I wanted good men,” I point out, and Leon groans, taking another hit of his pen.
“For fuck’s sake. Why would you want to stay here? Do you want to end up like mom? Huh? A scarred face and two kids she can’t take care of? Is that what you want? ‘Cause if you stay here, that’s what’s going to happen.”
I stand up and turn to face my brother. I really, truly look at him. He’s exhausted and miserable, but I’m not sure why.
“You know I’d never end up like Mom. And if Kurt thought for a second that any of the guys here were capable of hurting me like Mom was hurt then they wouldn’t be a part of the club,” I declare.
He shakes his head, inhales deeply, and puffs the smoke out of the side of his mouth. “Then you’re even stupider than I thought,” he scoffs before standing up and going to walk away. I grip him by his cut and spin him to face me. I force him to lookat me while trying to hold back the tears that are threatening to spill over.
“Whatever you’re going through doesn’t mean you can hurt me, Leon.”
“Well, maybe I need to do it more often to knock some fuckin’ sense into your goddamn head, Lily. No one wants you here. You don’t belong here. Now go the fuck to bed,” he sneers, and my tears fall, trailing down my face. He gives me a regretful, tender look before completely closing off his expression and walking off toward the clubhouse.
My brother can be a dick, that’s no secret, but he’s never talked to me like this before. He’s never been so pessimistic either. I don’t know what’s going on with him. Maybe it’s the Shelby and Mickey drama. But that’s no excuse for him to talk to me like that. I’m too upset to go back home, knowing that if I do, all I’ll do is lie in my bed and cry like some poor wounded animal.
Instead, I go to one of my favorite places on the compound; the old twisted oak tree that sits between our house and the hardware store. I’ve loved this tree since we first moved here, when Kurt and Dread brought us back to the compound. I wasn’t allowed outside much when we were with the Wraiths, and as soon as I saw this massive tree, I fell in love. It became my secret little hideout. It’s probably pathetic that I’m turning twenty-one and I still like to climb trees to think, but I don’t really care at the moment.
It’s dark out and I use my phone’s flashlight so I don’t trip over anything. As soon as I see the flared-out branches, I feel some peace settle inside of me and forget all about Leon’s harsh words. I’m careful as I climb up the lowest hanging branch, tugging myself up into the little nook where one large trunk splits in half.
I close my eyes as I lean back and let the humid air hit my face. The cicadas and frogs are loud, but they help drown out the lingering party that’s still taking place in the clubhouse.
A yearning feeling floods my stomach. I want to beinthe clubhouse. I want to be perched on an Alpha’s or Beta’s lap while they joke around with the other guys. I’ve grown up in this lifestyle. I know how these guys talk, think, and treat their women. I can’t imagine being with someone who is considered normal. It feels hopeless if I’m being honest.
I just know Kurt and my brother are going to force me into a pack that isn’t right for me. I close my eyes and try to think about anything else.
I land on thinking about how in a few weeks I’m going to finally masturbate on Marielli’s Mass. I’ve been building up to it, making my viewers wait, and they’re eager for it. At least I’ll have a big payout then. I’ll finally have the money stored in my account and no matter who I end up bonded to, I always have a backup plan.
Leon throwing Mom’s history in my face was a low blow. I’ll do anything to not repeat history, but I know if I packed up with guys in the Dead Palms, that would never happen. I can never see any of them raising a hand to me, ever.
If anything, trying to set me up with a bunch of strangers is a bigger risk. Someone can put on the sweetest facade on the outside but can be absolutely evil on the inside.
A crunch has my eyes popping open, and I have to wait a moment as they readjust to the darkness. I can’t see whoever is approaching me, but as soon as I hear their voice, I know who it is.
“You want some company, darlin’?”
Axel.
“Sure,” I reply quietly.
He takes no time at all climbing the tree. He stands on the lower branch and holds on to another with an outreached arm. His face is beneath mine, but his smile is contagious and welcomed as he looks up at me.
“Didn’t think you hid in here anymore,” he says softly.
“It’s been a while,” I reply.
“Have anything to do with the foul mood Ambien is in?”
I wipe my face, making sure there are no signs of my previous tears, and sigh. “He said some hurtful things,” I tell him. Not wanting to throw Leon under the bus or tell Axel all of his business.
“Do you wanna talk about it?”
