“That’s my plan too, darlin’. You just let me worry about figurin’ this out and you play nice with the Prez.”
“Even if that means going on other dates?” she asks.
My nostrils flare, but I nod my head. “If they so much as try to touch you, I’ll kill em’. Just know that, alright, baby?”
She nods her head and blinks at me.
“You know, you sure talk a big game for someone who hasn’t even kissed me yet.” She’s trying to push me into kissing her, and I love knowing that this attraction isn’t one-sided. I take some peace in knowing that it’s not pheromones. She likes me for me.
I shake my head, rubbing my thumbs against the soft skin of her jaw, and lean down to whisper in her ear. “Only because I know you’ll fuckin’ own me as soon as I taste you. Be patient for me. Can you do that, darlin’?”
She bites her lip and nods. She leans against me, and I hold her head against my chest. This is where she belongs.
This obsession with Lily started long ago. Longer than I’d like to admit, longer than I’ve been hyper-fixated on anything in my life. I don’t know when Lily decided I was worth anything, let alone the privilege of pursuing her, but I’m going to do anything and everything I can to keep her here with me where she belongs.
I had almost given up hope that anything could happen between us, with the Prez making her untouchable and how few opportunities I had to be around her. But I can’t deny this connection we’ve been toeing around for years. The small flirtations, the stolen glances, it might mainly be physical, especially on her part, but I plan on showing her the type of man I can be, the type of man I’m willing to become to be worthy of her.
She makes me feel unlike anything in my life ever has. I never hated being a Beta. Even joining a club like the Dead Palms, I never felt less than when compared to my Alpha brothers. But holding Lily right now fills me with more purpose than anything I’ve felt in my life. It’s as exhilarating as it is terrifying.
I don’t know if I made the right decision aligning myself with Tate, but I know it’s truly my only option if I want to be with Lily, especially with the sand of time drifting away faster than I’d like.
I’m streamingfor Marielli’s Mass, and you’d be surprised how many people will tune in to watch you make soap topless. Might as well get paid to do both. For making the soap, and for letting people look at my tits while doing so.
I have two bars I need to get shipped out today, not that making soap puts a dent toward my nest egg. I almost thought about telling Axel about it last night, how I have nearly sixty-thousand dollars saved up. But I didn’t, and I don’t know why.
As much as I’m drawn to Axel, as much as I love the idea of starting a pack together, I’m not sure I can fully trust him when it comes to this. I don’t think I can trust anyone but myself.
I wish I wasn’t so jaded. But how can I not be? I barely remember most of my childhood. I looked it up online andapparently, it’s your brain’s way of protecting you from trauma, which tracks. To be honest, I don’t remember most of my time from when we lived with the Wraiths, and considering that entails the first decade of my life, it’s a pretty significant amount of time.
What I do know is that my mother is traumatized. The scars she wears on her face, the way she flinches at loud noises, or how she breaks down when someone raises their voice at her. I know I don’t want that to be me; I don’t want to be afraid to live life, but I also don’t want to get trapped with a pack who would ever even consider hurting me.
She survived living with them for nearly two decades. She doesn’t talk about it—any of it, really. And I know she’s happy here with Dread and Kurt, but I just can’t end up like her; trapped with a pack that uses and abuses me with no way out. My mom had nothing, and they used it against her, ripped her off the street when she perfumed at sixteen. She had my brother after her first heat, trapping both of them there. I don’t know how she prevented getting pregnant after that, but she did. Until she had me. The details of how the Dead Palms found us are still blurry, but I know they saved our lives. If we had stayed there and I perfumed, my fate would be a generational curse.
My brother is just as lucky, getting out before he designated or he would have been completely indoctrinated into their club.
The Dead Palms saved my family’s lives, and I can’t help but feel like I’m deceiving them. When it comes to what I’m doing for money, the bank account itself, and the way I feel like I’m manipulating Axel into keeping me here. I guess it wouldn’t be considered manipulation if we both want the same thing. It still feels like a lie.
I close out of the stream. Two thousand dollars isn’t so bad for sitting there and making soap. I toss on a shirt, and I’m cleaning up my supplies when there’s a light knock at the door.
“Come in,” I say. I’m happy when it’s my mom walking through the door with a stack of mail.
She hands it to me and looks around the room. “It smells like a brothel in here,” she comments, scrunching up her nose.
“Yes, well, people pay a lot of money to buy soaps that help them smell like an Omega,” I retort. She gives me a warm smile and sits on my bed.
“How did your date go the other night?” she asks, and I grimace.
“Not great, and I’d rather not talk about it.”
My mom winces. “Then it’s probably not a good time to tell you Kurt set up another date for tomorrow night?”
“Tomorrow?” I ask, the deep sinking feeling of betrayal running down my spine.Just how fucking bad does he want me off this compound?
“If it helps, these guys are younger, still in their late twenties,” my mom states, trying to be enticing.
“That helps. But you know that’s not what I want,” I try to plead with her.
“Please, Lily. Don’t make this more difficult. Kurt knows best. He’s just trying to take care of you. We should have tried to find you a pack a long time ago. And for that, I’m sorry.”
