“Oh, that’s sweet. I like this one,” she comments. “Back to my question.”
“You ever been to Carrabelle?” I ask her, and she shakes her head. “There’s a state park there called Tate’s Hell State Forest. It’s the place where I killed my first man on my father’s behalf… it’s also the same day I left Tallahassee for good,” I admit.
When I look over at her, she doesn’t look disgusted or scared. She just seems intrigued and maybe a little gleeful that I answered honestly.
“You didn’t want to?” she questions.
“There are a lot of kills that I don’t feel regrets about, but that one definitely hurt. My father gave me the road name, and it stuck. When I look back at it, I think he knew I would loathe the name, and that’s why he gave it to me. It’s a reminder that he was above me, that I followed what he told me to do. I think that was the worst of it all. I killed that man specifically because my dad told me to, no other reason. That was the last day I ever let him control me.”
“Do you want me to call you Thomas?” she asks softly, and I shake my head.
“Nah, the name grew on me. It’s who I am now. But I’m not proud of the origins.”
She’s quiet for a moment as she watches the fire and takes a heavy swig of her drink. It looks like she’s contemplating something until she makes a noise in the back of her throat and stands. I assume she’s going to leave me sitting here like afuckin’ asshat, but she shocks me by coming to stand right in front of me, before promptly sitting herself on my lap.
I shift and clear my throat.
“Don’t get all shy on me now. I do remember some parts of my heat,” she states.
“Oh, yeah?”
“Yeah, I remember you couldn’t seem to get enough of my scent,” she teases, and I can’t help it as I lean over and get a whiff of her sweet coconut-smelling self.
“I wish we could have had more time before,” I admit.
“Me too,” she sighs. “But when it comes to the things we did during my heat, I don’t regret anything. Well… maybe I regret throwing shit out the window.” She snuggles closer to my chest. “I wouldn’t have changed who was there or what happened in that room, though. You were there when I needed you, and I know you always will be.”
She shifts on my lap, and I groan.
“Do you still have your room in the clubhouse?” she asks.
“Yeah, why?”
“I think we should go back there.”
“Couldn’t we just go back to the house?” I question, wondering why the fuck she wants to go to my old room at the clubhouse?
“I’ve kind of always had this fantasy,” she confesses shyly while shifting on my lap.
“Of the clubhouse?”
She shrugs, and I pull her closer to me, making her perfume, which in turn makes my dick harden.
Is she really ready for this? Am I a prick if I sleep with her right now? She reads me like a fuckin’ book.
“I want to feel good. I wantyouto make me feel good. Sitting around here moping and hating life isn’t going to fix anything.”
“Are you sure it’s not too soon?” I ask, needing confirmation that I’m not going to make shit worse.
“I’m allowed to be sad and still enjoy my life. Feeling guilty or denying myself isn’t going to change anything. ”
“How’d you get so wise?” I ask her with a smirk.
I’m honestly just glad she’s not spiraling or falling into a pit of guilt and self-loathing. Which seems to be happening to Shelby. Doc’s told me he has it covered, but I’m not sure he can handle it. I wonder if Lily would have had the same fate if she didn’t have us; I feel sick over the thought.
“Doc gave me a number to a friend of his. We talked through some things. I think I’ll continue talking to her now and then,” she says shyly like I’d judge her for getting help and it pisses me off.
I grip her chin and force her to look at me.
