I take out my phone, along with the little piece of paper with the number on it, and dial. My heart rate is through the roof as it rings a few times before my mom’s voice filters through the line.
There are a lot of tears at first, both of us just letting the emotion out of hearing each other’s voices again and grieving over what we lost. She lost a son and a partner. I can’t imagine how she’s feeling going through all this.
I love my mom—truly, I do—but I think her leaving was for the best. I’m not sure I’d be able to move forward and want to heal myself if she was here.
Once we’re both calm enough to finally talk, I’m the one to break the silence.
“You’re safe?” I ask her.
“I’m safe, are you?”
“Yes, we’ve gone on lockdown on the compound while we figure things out.”
“Lily… if I would’ve known?—”
“There’s no point in talking about the what-ifs,” I interrupt her, not wanting to shoulder the weight of her guilt on top of my own.
“You’re right. They’re taking care of you, like they promised?”
“Yeah, they’re taking care of me.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t stay,” she apologizes, and there’s a long pause over the phone.
“It was for the best,” I finally tell her, even though I feel bad saying it.
“Everyone needed a fresh start. I hope I get to see you soon,” she says softly.
“As soon as we can make it work, where did you end up, anyway?”
“Texas,” she replies. “It’s different here. It’s weird, just going out and doing things where no one knows who you are.”
I hope my mom finds peace and can live a life where she’s actually free. I realize now Alphas have manipulated her wholelife, and she did the best she could. I don’t think she was truly built for this life, and now she gets to actually live.
We’re not the same, and I take some solace in that.
“Love you, Mom,” I tell her softly.
“I love you too. I’m proud of you. Don’t be a stranger,” she says before we hang up.
I lean into Axel’s touch; he doesn’t say anything as he holds me and we just enjoy each other’s company.
There’s a point in your life when you realize that your parents are real people, who have gone through their own shit, and that they’re flawed. It’s a hard reality of life, but I hope that even though things will never be the same, that I can still have some sort of relationship with her. We’ll never live under the same roof again, but I have hope that we’ll have something, even if it’s just simple phone conversations while I sit in a tree.
I’d be a fuckin’liar if I said I wasn’t nervous.
I knew if Cash and Axel chose to stay on the compound with Lily, I’d give her whatever she wants, even if I don’t think it’s the right choice. I’ll probably go to my grave thinking she could do better than me and knowing I’ll love her more than she’ll ever love me, but that’s something I’ll have to live with.
She said she needed me to be happy, so I’ve gotta work through all my bullshit to make that happen.
She’s adamant that she knows what she’s getting into and that she believes in me. Maybe her believing in me will need to be enough for the both of us right now.
I’m waiting for her in the middle of the square by the massive fuckin’ bonfire I have going. That table went up in flamesbeautifully. It feels like a cleanse, and I wonder what else I need to get rid of in this fuckin’ place to make it feel like my father was never here.
I guess it’s wishful thinking that I’ll ever be able to achieve that. He was here, and I suppose it’s important to remember a tarnished history just as much as it is to remember the good parts.
Axel surprises me by coming and sitting next to me.
“She had to see Cash first. I’m not crashin’ your date, don’t worry,” he teases.
