Part of me still wants Cash and Axel to run away with her. If she’s not here, I won’t have to worry about her so much.
I knew if she stayed, she'd make me fold. I’m already in love with her, but I know when I bond with her I’ll never have a single day of peace for the rest of my life.
I guess it’s no different from the anxiety I have over her now, but I know it will be intensified if we’re bonded. Axel was right to stop me from biting her, during her heat.
I wonder if I’ll ever stop hating myself so fuckin’ much.
As much as I try to sleep every time I shut my eyes, my worst fears flash behind my eyelids. Maybe I need to talk to Blaze about taking something to help me sleep.
My door creaks open, and her soft feet pad across the floor before she crawls into my bed wordlessly.
She wraps her small arm around me, and it’s quiet for a moment.
My body stills, but her scent cocoons me. She isn’t trying to be sexual, just offering me comfort when I don’t deserve it.
“It’s okay, baby, I got you,” she whispers my own words back to me. It’s at this moment I realize that I’ve already lostthis internal battle with myself, and I fall asleep without the nightmares haunting me.
I was worriedthat when I woke up Tate wouldn’t be here, but shockingly, he is. At some point in the night, we switched positions. Tate’s now behind me, his leg in between mine, and his arm is a heavy weight around my waist.
His scent is soothing as he breathes evenly behind me. I should get up and start my day, but there’s no way that I’m getting up when he’s sleeping so well.
We need to talk, and I’m running through different conversation scenarios in my head when he wakes up. His hand flexes on my waist before he takes it away, as well as his leg. I’m quick to spin around in the bed and face him. His hair is an adorable mess as he blinks away the sleep in his eyes.
“Morning,” I say first.
“Mornin’. What time is it?”
“Ten.”
“I slept till fuckin’ ten? Hell,” he grumbles, and it looks like he’s about to get up. No, we need to have this conversation now. I tug on his arm and pull him back down to the bed.
“We need to talk,” I tell him sternly. I’m not letting him run away anymore, or fucking stew in self-pity.
I need him, and he needs to step up.
“Okay,” he concedes, lying back down on his side, staring at me.
All the scenarios I ran through my head earlier fly out the window as I look at him.What was it I wanted to say?
“You want me?” I ask him, keeping it simple.
“Yes.”
“But you don’t think you deserve me?” I ask him.
That’s the biggest read I’ve been able to get off of him.
“I don’t think. IknowI don’t fuckin’ deserve you, Lily,” he admits softly, and I can tell he genuinely believes that.
“Then why did you kiss me before you left the lake house?”
“Because I thought it would be the last time I’d ever see you,” he replies, and I have to swallow down a whimper. I don’t like the idea of him talking about not coming back to me.
“But you’re attracted to me. You have feelings for me?”
“It doesn’t matter, Lily. How can you want to be with someone like me? I sent your mother away. I didn’t do more to help your brother. I killed my own fuckin’ father. I’m not a good man, and I never will be.”
“You think I’m going into this with rose-colored glasses? You think I don’t know who you are? I know exactly who the three of you are, and I love you all, regardless. I don’t blame you for any of those things, and no one else does either. I need you to be a part of my pack or you’ll be hurting me,” I tell him.
