I’ve hated myself before.
Truly, deep-rooted hatred for who I was and what I did to people.
But now? Now, I can’t even stand listening to my own thoughts or the itchiness of this body, which I don’t deserve. It makes it even more obvious that I’ve been manipulating everyone around me without realizing it. If I can hardly tolerate myself, how can anyone else?
I think about how Elvor and Judd looked at me.It wasn’t real.The tenderness, the lust, the sweet words spoken… it was all fucking lies. And that’s just one factor of this gift that I didn’t even know I possessed. What else could I be capable of and not even know?
Along with being pathetic and whiny, I’m violent, and I still need to find my mother. Pure vengeance is the only thing that keeps my feet moving as I go deeper into the pit. I get the same feeling I did at the club, and I know she’s on this floor even before I look into the windows.
The first window I look into makes me laugh, which is just fucking ridiculous considering my current state. It’s Marge, my fucking camp counselor. She’s an absolute fucking mess, and my heart stills for a moment, thinking Elvor has been torturing her all these years.
No, absolutely not. I can’t think about Elvor anymore. It just makes me… sad. I leave Marge where she is but make a mental note of her cell number; we might need to have a little meeting sooner than later.
It only takes me a few glances to find which holding cell my mother is in. She isn’t confined, and I assume that means no one has gotten to her yet. Perfect, I get first dibs at tearing her to shreds.
She looks over at me and rolls her eyes. “This was all very dramatic.”
“Tell me how it works,” I tell her. My gift of compulsion not working on her.
“How what works?” she asks, sounding like she is beyond exhausted with me as she sits on the medical chair and crosses her legs. She’s still in the flamboyant outfit from the club, and there’s dried blood on her neck.
“Being a siren, compelling people,” I say.
“You could have asked me this before killing me, you know?”
“You were going to hurt someone I care about,” I argue.
She clicks her tongue and smiles. “That’s it, isn’t it? Did you come down here hoping Mommy would make it all better? That I’d tell you that those men want you beyond what you are?” She laughs and shakes her head. “Not even I wanted you, darling. Why would anyone else?”
I have to count to thirty before I’m able to speak without lashing out. I know that’s what she wants. To get me riled up enough to act on it, but I won’t give her the satisfaction. At least, not yet, and when I do, I plan on making it fucking hurt.
“So, it’s an all-the-time thing? The allure of being a siren?” I keep my voice even, and Lorelei rolls her eyes.
“Of course it is. Sirens don’t live thousands of years without the power that comes from compulsion.”
“I wish I never found you,” I snarl at her.
She smiles. “I guess we’ll just have to see how well my power works here in Hell. I’m sure my jailer will become compliant quickly enough.”
I can’t let that happen.
Lorelei goes from smiling to screaming as I push her down on the bed, shoving her face down. She tries to fight me, but she doesn’t stand a chance as I attempt to pry her mouth open. She puts on a good fight, not opening her mouth and keeping her jaw as tight as possible. I punch her hard in the face, unhinging her jaw and grabbing her tongue with one hand, slicing it off with the other.
She screams in pain, but it’s a gross, gurgly scream with all the blood filling her mouth. My hand is covered in blood, and I wipe it on her robe as I throw her tongue in the middle of the floor. Just a little reminder to her that I’m not the one to fuck with.
“You’re much more likable when you’re quiet,” I say. The sick thought that maybe I should do the same to myself haunts me as I shut the door and leave her to bleed out in her cell. She’ll reanimate.Shit, I got to make sure her tongue can’t grow back.My guess is it probably won’t, seeing as Elvor has to sew people’s fingers back on. Maybe I’ll give Lorelei another visit tomorrow.
I know I need to deal with Lisa’s body, and I probably have multiple people who want to question me. But all I want to do is break down and cry, which is fucking disgusting. I’m pretty sure cutting off my tongue would be better than actually letting myself feel everything raging in my mind.
Instead, I decide to portal to the one place that’s brought me peace, hoping I can quiet all my turbulent thoughts, even if just for a moment.
Chapter21
The inky black waters wink at me while I sit on the shore, drawing in the patch of sand next to me. It’s not like the sand you would find on the beach; it’s the nasty kind that is mostly ant hills, but I don’t mind.
Part of me thinks about jumping into the lake and playing with the souls that are confined to the bottom. But I won’t. Just because everything sucks isn’t a reason to give up.Well, maybe.
I hear someone behind me, and I groan, worrying that it’s one of the guys. But, instead it’s the person I least expect.
