Chapter9
Ithink I’m pretty good at pretending that I don’t have any insecurities and like I have my shit completely together.
But I’d be lying to myself if I said that I wasn’t worried about tonight. It’s my first real date. There’s no hiding behind simple flirtation, and there’s no escaping real conversation. What if Judd and Elvor realize, after getting to know me, that I’m not that great? Or maybe they won’t want to share because I can’t hold enough of their interest? What if they want someone who is softer and sweeter? I’m still exploring who I am, but purely sweet isn’t me. I mean, they’re demons; they would want someone equally hellish, right?
Ugh, stop with the negative bullshit,I tell myselfand tug at my hair. I can’t get it to cooperate. Usually, I would let the human I possessed be awake when self-care needed to happen. I haven’t had to do my own hair since I was fifteen. This curling iron is hot as shit, and every time I try to do a strand of hair, it comes out wonky.
There’s a light knock on my door.
“Come in.”
Lilith opens the door and gives me a soft smile. “Want help getting ready?”
“Please,” I plead, sitting down at the vanity as she comes around and takes the curling iron in her hand before getting to work.
“Are you excited about tonight?”
“Yes, and maybe nervous.”
“You have nothing to worry about. Elvor and Judd are probably the nicest demons I’ve met since I’ve been in Hell,” Lilith reassures.
“You know Judd too?”
She takes a section of my hair and curls it, not answering right away. “I don’t know Judd as well as I know Elvor. Really, when I think about it, I don’t know Judd well at all. But I know him well enough to know he’s a decent demon.”
“You think I deserve someone decent?” I ask her, confused.Wouldn’t they think I deserve the most evil and brutal demons Hell has to offer?
“Of course you do. It’s hard to line up what you learn on Earth about Hell to what actually goes on here. It took me a long time to grapple with my morality. We’re not all bad, hardly anyone is. Plus, we’re not confined to the mortal code of morals, so what would be considered decent there versus here is always going to be different,” she explains.
“I’ve always thought of myself as inherently evil.”
“No one isinherentlyevil, not even the spawn of Satan,” she says sweetly as she works on the rest of my hair. “Do you know where they’re taking you?”
“Not yet,” I reply, and Lilith nods her head.
“Anywhere they take you, I’m sure the three of you will have an amazing time,” she says.
“Lilith, is it strange to be with more than one person in Hell?” I ask.
“Not at all. Honestly, monogamy is probably the outlier in Hell. Whatever feels right to you, listen to that instinct. You have eternity to find out who you are and what you want out of your existence. Don’t worry about what anyone else thinks,” she encourages, finishing up my hair and placing a hand on my shoulder. I’m not sure what instinct takes over me, but I lightly squeeze her hand and smile in the vanity mirror.
“Thank you, Lilith.”
She squeezes my shoulders and gives me a warm smile. “I’m always here for you, Mara,” she replies, squeezing my shoulder once more before she leaves. I’m glad she left when she did because the emotions running through me are foreign and strange.
This affection I have for Lilith sinks into my rotting black heart and takes root. For now, I’ll let it fester and grow, but the thought of caring for someone who isn’t devoted to me is still asinine.
I wear a simple black, cocktail-length dress. I figured it would work for any place they are taking me to. I get giddy wondering if Elvor planned the date or if he and Judd worked together to plan our outing.
The sexual connection between the three of us will be easy, I have no doubt. The real fear lies in actually getting to know each other, and if that will make or break this little ménage, I’m trying to build. I slide on my shoes and leave my bedroom, walking down the hallway.
My arm is roughly grabbed, and I’m pushed against the hallway wall, a hulking Toth glaring down at me. “Where are you going?”
“On a date, why?”
“With who?” he growls.
“I don’t think that’s any of your business. Didn’t you get removed from babysitting duty?” I ask him with attitude, making him scoff.
