“You can touch and kiss for a few minutes, but then we have to go.”
He looks at me and blinks dumbly a few times before cupping both of my breasts. He looks at them in awe before his mouth takes turns licking and sucking each breast and nipple. It has me riled up, and I almost wish I didn’t have other plans for us.
He has my left nipple tightly suctioned between his lips when I step back. The sensation of pulling away is both painful and pleasurable. My tit leaves his mouth with a soft pop, and Elvor licks his lips, his gaze never leaving my chest now that they have a sheen of his saliva on them.
“More of that later,” I promise him. He gives me a look of irritation, and I point my finger at him. “None of that. We’re going hunting.”
He raises his eyebrow at me and stands. I dress quickly, and once I do a double take in the mirror, I decide I’m pleased with my outfit. Elvor holds his arm out to me, waiting until I give him a signal that I’m ready.
His portal is gentle, and I quickly realize that he’s portalled us directly into the club. Tonight is going to be a Hell of a good time.
Chapter8
Sometimes, I wish I could kill myself for a second time.
Not that I entirely meant to the first time, but I knew the potential risks of what I was doing in the mortal realm.
I’m supposed to be one of the lucky ones. I’m a corporeal demon who spent little time drifting around Hell formless. Lucifer saw something in me and decided to give me a job, but I can’t decide if I would rather just be listless in Hell.
At least the drugs are good in Hell.
They have always been my crutch in any setting. Feeling anxious, weed, feeling bored, coke, feeling ungrounded in reality, pop some E and really disassociate. It wasn’t healthy on Earth, and it sure as fuck isn’t healthy now.
I feel like drugs make me interesting, it’s why most of the demons in this club even bother to speak to me. It’s all I’m good for. None of them seek out any additional friendships with me, not that I make myself seem open to anything like that.
Having friends was the same way on Earth, and when I think about it, I feel depressed. The fact that I’m probably sixty-something years old and have yet to have had a meaningful relationship is just sad. My parents thought I was worthless and couldn’t have cared less what happened to me. I’d like to blame them for how I ended up; maybe their lack of parental guidance, love, and affection is why I’m such a fuck up.
The only thing I’ve done right has been not being a complete dick to other people. It’s something that all the other demons in here don’t seem to give a shit about. I might be useless or unimportant in the grand scheme of things. But I’m not a fucking asshole, and I refuse to let this place take that from me. It’s the one thing I can hold on to.
Not that my morality is by any means pious, but I don’t truly enjoy being rude to people, and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. Unfortunately, it’s not a character trait many demons seem to find attractive. The more vicious you are, the more likely you are to find someone to pay attention to you in this place.
If someone gave me attention, I know I’d be addicted right away. I wouldn’t be able to stop myself. I’ve been so devoid of another’s touch and companionship for so long. Longer than my immortal life, truly, my whole existence has been a lonely one.
I was an unwanted child of poverty who turned to what I had around me, and it killed me in the end. Now I’m here, filling up space in this Hell hole and wishing that there was something more for me.
Finding a purpose is what I need. I worry that if I don’t find it soon, I’ll find a way to disappear from all the realms permanently.
Fuck, that’s so melancholy, I have no reason to be this depressive. I should be glad that I have a corporeal body, that I can party, that I have some semblance of free will. But something’s missing. The same thing that was missing from my life on Earth plagues me now.
No one cared when I died in my mortal life, and it feels like no one in Hell would care if I went missing, either. Maybe Asmodeus would care for a few minutes, more so because I wouldn’t be here to give him his fix.
Beyond that, I’m alone, and I only have myself to blame.
I keep to myself. I never put myself out there. You would think after a few decades of being a demon, I would have learned some basic social skills, but it’s only gotten harder for me. I don’t know what demons I can trust, and the thought of letting one of them in and then having them ditch me is terrifying.
Fundamentally I know that if I don’t put myself out there, then I’m just destined to be alone forever. I know the deeper issue is that I don’t feel like I deserve love or think that I can be the kind of partner a demon would want.
I’m different from a lot of the other demons who surround me in this club. I’m not afraid to do bad things, but I’m also not someone I would consider aggressive. So many other demons dominate and take what they want. Is it so wrong that I would rather find someone who takes charge and makes the decisions for me? I worry that most other demons would see it as a weakness.
I don’t know why I continue to come here almost every night.
That’s a lie.
I come here to be surrounded by people because if I didn’t, I would just spend my time on missions or sulking in my condemned apartment in the city.
The line of coke on the table taunts me as I look around the club. It’s a terrible feeling to be completely alone when you’re surrounded by so many people. I just need a change… or something that I can pour all my focus into because I don’t know how long I can keep living this infinite, solemn existence.
A new song plays. Hell is currently big on the early 2000s Earth music—I don’t hate it. The beat is loud, and demons are dancing provocatively while I sit on the same couch I always do. I almost miss when Lilith was being a menace all those years ago. She was one of the first people to engage with me and help me have fun, but she’s with Lucifer now, and I don’t want any part of that.Though, I suppose if I did want to end it all, I could ask her to dance with me again. Surely, Lucifer would devour my soul for that alone. The thought is grim, and I shake my head, needing to change it.
