“Do you want me to go?”
I shake my head, not able to conceptualize the thought of her leaving too. “No. If this is too much…”
She squeezes my thighs. “It’s not. I love Blair, and I’m sure I’ll love Mara too.”
That makes me smile, and I shake my head. “You know I was aware that you were seeing her?”
She shrugs her shoulders in a way that tells me she didn’t care how I felt about her checking in on Blair all these years. “Besides just caring for her as a person, I think she was the thing that kept me close to you while we were apart.”
My fingertips push her hair back and trail down her face, tilting her chin up to me. “I don’t deserve you, Hellfire.”
“I know.” She smirks. “But I’m here anyway.”
“Kas,” I say, and her eyebrows furrow. “Kas is on the case as well.”
Lilith smiles fondly at the name of her friend. Who I semi-hate solely for the fact she is part of the reason Lilith and I were separated for so long. I know it’s mostly my fault, but it’s easier to blame others.
“I can speak to her,” she says, and I shake my head.
“No, I’ll contact her.”
She tilts her head but nods. All the delicious thoughts I had earlier are gone. All I want to do is flagellate myself for my failures.How could I be so careless? Am I still being careless now?
Blair seems happy, and that’s because I protect her from afar. Honestly, I wonder sometimes if she would be happier if she just never knew about me. Maybe it’s best for Mara if I just help her with becoming a full demon and then leave her alone. Why does it feel like everything I touch fractures?
“Come on,” Lilith encourages, tugging me onto the bed. She lies next to me, placing her head and palm on my chest. Her scent and presence center me a little bit, although I can’t help but feel lost.
Am I truly destined and undeserving of love? Is that why these things keep happening?
I’ve contemplated numerous times on if I should go to Earth and fetch Mara myself. But each time I consider that idea, I can’t help the nagging amount of guilt and self-loathing that follows me. It’s evident everyone around me is aware of my mood.
Toth keeps his distance while Milcom has been hiding in the pits, in fear of my wrath, I’m sure.
The only person who doesn’t hide from me is Lilith. She’s not aggressively in my face, but she keeps her place at my side, doing her job as my assistant and my partner. I guess we didn’t put a particular label on it, but she’s mine even though I don’t deserve her.
My first meeting of the day is with Ponds, and all I want to do is kill the little narc as he sits across the table from Lilith and myself.
“My lord, Elvor’s behavior is only getting worse.”
Lilith scoffs next to me. “How does somebody torture someone wrong?”
“You wouldn’t understand. You’ve been a demon for what, two minutes.”
Lilith rolls her eyes and smirks at Ponds. “Haven’t you heard the phrase ‘no one likes a snitch’?”
Ponds looks over at me, only to notice that he’s clearly getting no help from me. I’m honestly quite tired of his complaints over how the pit is being handled. Having Lilith take care of it is much better.
“I’m just trying to make sure things run smoothly,” he tries again, sitting up a little straighter.
“Mmm, to me, it sounds like you want Elvor in trouble. Why is that, Ponds?” She says his name in a droning voice, and I look at the ceiling, taking a deep breath.
“I... I’m not sure what you mean.”
“Did you know Elvor is my friend?”
“I…”
“Did you know Elvor told me you have a crush on him, and he wasn’t interested? So now you do everything in your power to take him down a peg.”
