I wave my hand, urging him to go on, not sure what else to say.
“Most people here didn’t understand and didn’t approve. Most of all,youdidn’t approve. You were innocent and sweet, being caught up in my darkness was a challenge for you.”
“Maybe let’s stick to Lily and not me. I don’t have any memories of what you’re saying. So I don’t think it’s fair to call me Lily.”
He sighs. “I suppose you’re right. You two aren’t similar.” I swallow thickly, thinking about how much he must like this other version of who I was better. Even if I don’t completely understand it. His thumb tilts my chin as he looks at me, his dark eyes soft and his face relaxed. “I like you just the way you are. I wouldn’t change anything.”
I sigh, but I nod and let him continue.
“I visited often. I cared deeply for Lily, but she had a decision to make; to live her life here or to come with me to Hell to be a demon.”
“What did she choose?”
“She chose to stay here until it was her true time to come to Hell. Unfortunately, she never got the chance. She never chose me, and I don’t quite blame her.” It’s at that moment, Lucifer's stoic facade falls, he’s never been chosen by someone. Fate has always decided for him, and all he wants is for someone to care for him for who he is. I swallow thickly as I stare at him.
His eyes look out at the lake, and I wonder how I truly compare to Lily, if we’re the same to him or different. I don’t think I like being compared to someone, even if we are the same but in different lifetimes. I can’t help but to feel that I’m giving him something Lily never could have—genuine affection. The thought makes me shiver as Lucifer continues.
“God was mad at me, perhaps jealous. I’m not sure.”
“She killed her?”
“She did. Not only did she kill her, she taunted me with the chance of getting her back.”
“The dagger?” I ask.
“It’s what she killed Lily with, said that if the dagger was ever awakened again that it would be her gift to me. A stronger version of Lily, a version that could handle my darkness and represent her forgiveness for what I had become.”
“How long ago was this?”
“A few thousand years. There were a few centuries where I was a little out of control with power and bloodlust. I needed to be reeled in, but I still don’t think the means were just.”
“I forget how old you are,” I say without thinking, and he scoffs.
“So that is why I have been the way that I am with you. I’ve seen a version of you taken away from me, and I can’t let it happen again. I can’t lose you again.” He says it softly and in a tone so genuine that I can’t help but stare at him. He looks right back at me, his expression is one of a man who has gone through torture, who has been alone for so long, and I’m that last speck of hope.
“So I’m your fated mate?” I groan as I admit what I’ve always held back. “I’ve felt it,” I admit to him, and he smirks. ”It’s like a tug against my heart pulling me towards you. I thought maybe I was just pathetically missing you, but it’s something more.”
“It’s much more. It’s everything.”
“Then why did you let me leave?” I ask one of the biggest questions I’ve always had.Why did he not take my side when Diana was murdered? Why did he send me away with Elvor?
“Partly because I thought you were safer on Earth and that you needed time to learn who you are, I also wanted to give you a choice. But mostly because I can’t risk anyone knowing.”
“Know what?”
“About us. I can’t have people knowing that we’re together. That you’re my fated mate. The risk is too high. It puts your life in danger, just as you saw yesterday.” I swallow thickly. I can’t deny that I very nearly lost my life to the angels the other day. But the thought of being his secret… I’m not sure I can handle that either. “I want to give you everything, Lilith. All that I ask is you let me protect you, and the only way I can do that is by not making this known.”
“But Kas and Toth know,” I say. I know I sound petulant. I promised myself a long time ago that I wouldn’t be someone’s secret.
“They’re extremely loyal and trusted friends. In the manor, we can be everything we want to be. We can travel to places where we can be affectionate openly with each other, as long as it’s safe.”
“But in court, in front of other demons?”
“You’ll need to be my assistant.”
“What if they just think I’m your plaything?”
“Look how that turned out with the angels,” he says plainly, and I sigh. I don’t like it at all, and I’m sure that he can read it on my face. “I can’t lose you, Lilith. Please.”
