Lilith sits at her desk across from me, and I can sense her glancing up from her work to look at me every ten minutes or so.
“Yes?” I ask with a smirk.
“You can’t just finger fuck a girl in a hallway and then not say anything. It’s rude.”
Placing my elbows on the desk and interlacing my fingers, I prop my head on top of them. “What would you like me to say?”
“Hmm, I don’t know, you were all ‘you belong to me’,” she says the last part in an impersonation of my voice. “‘I’ll fucking rip souls out that touch you’, and now, you haven’t said a single word,” she says softly, and I realize my mistake.
“Come here.” Her cheeks heat, but she stands, showing off her long dress. Her hair is in a high ponytail today, and I quite like it.
I scoot my chair back, spreading my legs wide while leaving room for her. I tap the oak of the desktop, and she props her ass on the desk. She crosses her legs, which is a shame, but with her sitting on the desk and me in my chair were nearly the same height.
“I don’t mean to play games,” I tell her honestly.
“So don’t.”
“You said you hated me, so I was giving you space.” She rubs her arms, mulling that information over in her head. Her eyebrows furrow, and she sighs. It’s one of the few times I see her not hiding behind a facade.
“I don’t know how to feel.”
I take a risk, touching her leg, and I’m pleased when she doesn’t flinch away from my touch. “Why?”
She clears her throat and shakes her head. “It’s mean,” she says, her cheeks turning redder as she looks away.
“You can tell me.”
She doesn’t look at me while she says it. “If I like you, if I want to be with you...” she trails off, shaking her head. “Your reputation and what you stand for as the ruler of Hell... what does that make me if I like you?” she says it softly, and I’m not offended. The rumors, the lies that are told on Earth are disgusting. What faith and lore have turned into is merely fictitious at this point.
I abruptly stand, and she startles, looking at me. I place both of my hands on the desk, my fingers nearly touching her hips as I sigh. “I’m not good, but I wouldn’t say I’m evil either. Do I do as I please and step outside of what mortals and Heaven consider morally just? Sure. Am I the ruler of Hell? Yes. But as the ruler, my job is not only to manage the dead who come here but to ensure punishment for the most evil. I don’t condone certain behaviors because no one should. My soul is a deep shade of gray, and I’m okay with that.”
I step back, looking at her, her blue eyes wide while taking in what I’m saying. “I’m not a person who would condemn you for how dark your soul is, Lilith. I would want you because of it. Hell, this is your chance to truly be yourself, the person you’ve always wanted to be. If you stopped treating it like a sentence and more like a gift, I think you’d be happy here. And perhaps even happy with me.”
She rubs her neck and looks down while thinking about that. I don’t make a move to touch her, no matter how badly I might want to. Her tongue sweeps out and licks her lips. “Do you have any siblings?” she asks, the question hitting me completely out of left field.
“Early on as an angel, when we were created, we called each other brother and sister. But I hold no devotion to them.”
She nods in understanding. “Diana was my twin. We spent most of our time together. How everything went at the meeting the other day has me messed up. I guess I was before then too.” She rubs her arm, and I have the overwhelming urge to hold her, but I don’t. I give her the space she needs. “I’ve never cared what people thought of me.” She scoffs. “That’s a lie, everyone cares to some extent what people think of them. I always felt like I had a different purpose than most people, and the thoughts I sometimes had were troubling.” She gives a small, stilted smile. “It felt good when I used that dagger.” The smile she gives me makes me consider giving it back to her right now. “But when Diana found out what I did, when she looked at me like I was worthless and called me a monster...” She doesn’t finish her sentence but instead shakes her head and sighs.
“I’m not sure why it mattered so much to prove her wrong. After the meeting, I still don’t know how I feel about it. I’m not even sure that it’s sunk in that she wants nothing to do with me. That this is an entirely new life.”
I nod and swallow.
“This life can be whatever you want it to be. But I can tell you that living in the past isn’t going to be what makes you happy. I’d like you to consider this new life as an upgrade and include me in it.”
She stares at my eyes, and I hope to shit that they aren’t some crazy color right now. I’m usually pretty good at hiding my emotions, but Lilith is a different story.
Her small hands glide down the lapels of my jacket, and she sighs as she looks at me. “If I work on this.” She tugs on my lapels a little harder. “Can you work on opening up and not keeping secrets all the time?” I nod, opening the top drawer and taking her dagger out, placing it on her lap. She gasps and smiles, her hand immediately palming the hilt as she looks up at me in awe. I want her looking like this all the time.
I lean in closer towards her, our lips so close that I can smell the sweet floral scent of her hair. “I’d give you everything,” I tell her honestly.
Her eyes snap to mine, and I can’t control it anymore. I lean forward, my lips nearly a centimeter from hers, when the door to my office slams open.
I grip the edge of my desk so hard that wood splinters underneath my palms. Lilith licks her lips as I look up to see who the fuck interrupted us.
“What?” I snarl.
“Sir, you need to come with me right now,” Toth informs me. His eyes wide, looking between Lilith and me. Out of all the residents of Hell, Toth is perhaps the only one I know I can trust with this secret. I back away from Lilith, squeezing her thigh once.
