Of course, he doesn’t want them to meet his girlfriend, who is also his student. “Of course, I understand.”
“I knew you would. That’s what I like about you, Lilith. You’re so mature,” he compliments. His hand grazes my skirt and pushes it up as he kisses the side of my head. “You know if I could, I’d make it happen… right, honey?”
“No, I get it. We can go out to dinner another time. But do you have any time right now?” I ask, feeling a little pathetic, searching for his approval and wanting to get laid. Maybe I have some unresolved daddy issues. But I’m definitely not ready to dig into that concept right now.
“Sorry, Lilith. It will need to be next week. I do have these for you, though.” He holds out a tin of chocolate chip cookies to me. It’s cute that he bakes for me, it makes me feel special. I smile as I take the box. “See you on Monday,” he says with a parting kiss to the side of my head.
I nod as he leaves the lecture hall, leaving me in the wake of his rejection. I’m supposed to know better, know when a man is using me. But Mr. Montague is my secret; Diana doesn’t even know about him, so I only have myself to wade through the shame with. I have no outlet to work through how manipulated I feel. I stand up straight, clutching my secret cookies against my chest. I’m supposed to be better than this.
Maybe since I have nothing to do tonight, Diana will want to go see a movie or get out of the house. I feel like my relationship with Diana has been on the back-burner lately, with both of us being so busy with our own lives. I suppose it was going to happen eventually. There’s a point when you grow up and stop leaning on your sister for everything. We’ve spent our whole lives together; my role was to protect her, and her role was to make me feel normal. I can’t help but feel with this drift between us, those two things are going to fall through the cracks.
I shake off the feeling of not needing to protect Diana like I used to. It’s a rough feeling when you feel like you’re not doing anything right. I’m clearly not girlfriend material to Henry, and I’ve been slacking in the sister department. At least my grades in school are decent, which probably has more to do with me wanting to leave this cesspool of a campus than wanting to start a career and being an actual adult.
I think about everything Henry said as I walk through campus to my apartment. This is the first time that he’s ever mentioned having a sister, and I guess it’s not a huge shock. Looking back at our conversations, they were all pretty superficial. We fuck at school, his car, and sometimes my place. I feel like an idiot as I make my way home. Was I so blinded by a decent dick that I didn’t see the warning signs? Was I so desperate for authoritative attention that I’ve become this sex-crazed moron?
Our apartment isn’t anything special, but they allow pets, not that I’m paying that pet deposit. The door creaks as I open it and shut it behind me. Tossing my bag on the floor, I look around the small living space.
Otis greets me by rubbing his small black body against my legs as I enter the foyer. I crouch down to pet along his spine, and he chirps at me as he walks away. Maybe I should get another kitten friend for him.
I sigh, mentally preparing myself to spill my guts to Diana. Maybe she’ll have some good advice, or maybe she’ll be my partner in crime on a spy mission to see what he’sactuallydoing tonight. All my plans crumble when I see Diana curled into a ball on the couch. She has a glazed-over expression on her face, like she’s completely zoned out.
“Diana?” I say her name, but she doesn’t respond.
When I go and sit next to her, the blue eyes that look exactly like mine bore into me. I can tell she’s lying when she sighs and shakes her head, saying, “Just really bad cramps.”
“Diana, did something happen? Is something bothering you?”
She fakes a smile and shakes her head again. “No, just not feeling great,” she answers, bushing off my concern.
Now is definitely not the time to talk about my drama with fucking my professor or my speculations about what’sreallygoing on tonight. I push her hair back and smile. “Want to rent a movie and just have a night in, like we used to?”
She grins and nods. “Get Clueless,” she instructs as I grab the keys to head to the rental place. I nod my head and glance at her one last time. Something is definitely going on that she isn’t telling me.
It seems like my twin and I might both be keeping secrets from one another.
When I get back from the store, it’s like Diana is back to her old self; she isn’t moping around and actually laughs at the right times during the movie. She falls asleep early, leaving me too much time on my hands to think and plot. My nightstand drawer pulses like a beacon, pulling me towards it, but I try to shake the feeling away.
I don’t need it. Why would I need it?
But the pull is too strong, and I open the drawer and withdraw the dagger. It feels like it’s been tugging at me incessantly every night when I crawl into bed. Like if I don’t take it out of the drawer and touch it, I won’t be able to sleep. It wants to be used, I know that much as my hand shakes around the dark hilt.
The pull isn’t usually this heavy on my chest, but it feels like I won’t be able to leave the house unless I bring it with me.
When I stole it two years ago, I thought maybe I’d sell it and make some money. But instead, I had a sheath made and now carry it around in my purse more often than not. I don’t know why the call is so strong lately, but it doesn’t hurt to be a protected woman anyways.
Knowing that Diana is content in her bed and that Otis is fed, I grab the keys to the Camry and drive out to Professor Montague’s house. Has he ever taken me to his house? No. Do I know where he lives? Absolutely yes.
His home is nice, a two-story mid-century style home with a garden out front. The other times I’ve been by, I haven’t seen another vehicle, which probably isn’t surprising since he has a two-car garage. His windows are large, allowing me to see everything in his living room and kitchen. It’s like looking into a fishbowl. A woman is bending over, taking out a tray of cookies, when he wraps his arms around her and kisses the side of her face. She places some of the previously baked cookies into a familiar tin and spins around to greet him with a kiss.
Cheating motherfucker.
He gave me cookies this other woman made for him?I feel like I’m going to be sick. I guess deep down, I should have known. Nothing ever good comes from being someone’s dirty, little secret.
I suppose we were never official, but I did have expectations of some sort of loyalty to me. His promised words were ones of monogamy or at least of a potential relationship.
He’s gentle with her, unlike the way he is with me. He’s delicate as he cradles her face while kissing her. He smiles in between their kisses, and I wonder how come I didn’t get that too. Instead, I got his rough side. Don’t get me wrong, I fucking love the roughness, but as I watch them together, I realize that it wasn’t me that he was cheating on, it was her.
Her hand caresses his cheek, and that’s when the shimmering of her diamond ring sparkling in the light catches my attention.
