After a quick clean up, it only seemed fair that Anders got his turn, and so I was knotted yet again. I didn’t realize just how much I missed that feeling of being full. We were all wrung out from our rounds of debauchery, but a light snore wakes me up.
The three of us on a queen bed is comical and inefficient. I smile at their large sleeping forms on my bed as I make my way to the bathroom. A stack of pink envelopes stops me in my tracks as I look down at them and groan internally. I don’t know why I do it, maybe because how nearly whole I felt tonight, but not complete? Or maybe it’s Piper’s words to me from earlier tonight. For whatever reason, I take the stack of letters and bring them with me into the bathroom.
I sit down and stare at them for a long moment, contemplating putting them back. I don’t know just what to expect in the contents and if it would make things better or worse.
I sigh and apparently get some courage as I open up the first letter. It’s short and to the point.
Charlotte,
That journal wasn’t meant for you to see. Can you let me explain? I sent you three texts today too.
Mikael
I roll my eyes at the bluntness and open the next one.
Charlotte,
I’ve read all your responses on the journal entries, and I don’t know what to say. Coming to terms with the fact that I might be a selfish asshole is a little daunting. I’m trying to put aside my feelings and put myself in your shoes. Can we talk?
Mikael
Still not really an apology, but I never know what to expect from Mikael.
Charlotte,
I never said that I was sorry, truly sorry about what happened to Kathy. I don’t know what it’s like to have a mom who actually cares about you the way yours did. I also don’t know what exactly happened, but I want to know, I want to understand. I feel like shit about how I handled things and spoke to you. But I still need to know why you didn’t trust us to take care of you and help you through this. These last few months of not really knowing how you were doing… I think it broke me.
Mikael
Charlotte,
I’ve tried calling you five times and have left a ton of text messages. Will you please talk to me?
Mikael
Charlotte,
I can’t take your dog to the vet, and I’m not thoughtful enough like Anders to get you a fucking Build-A-Bear. But I do care more than I think I even realized. Will you please talk to me? I feel like I’m shouting into the void and all I want is some clarity. Can we please talk?
P.S. I will keep sending letters every fucking day
-Thinking of you, Mikael
I can’t help the smile that takes over as I read the letters. I read them in Mikael’s tone, and I can’t help it, I feel a little guilty for having held on to the letters for so long without reading them. I still feel a little angry after having read them, if I’m being honest. It’s clear that what Mikael and I have to work through is going to take more than pen and paper. More than a simple phone call or text message. We need time and space to talk in person, I need to hear him say he’s sorry, and as much as I hate to admit it, I have things to be sorry for as well. We’re a pack, and we always will be. I’m hopeful that Mikael is ready to finally accept his place in this pack and truly put in the effort to build us back together.
As I make my way back to the bed, Anders holds out a hand and draws me back to the bed. I’m basically on top of him.
“You alright?”
I nod and kiss his bare chest. “Better than I’ve been in a long time.”
He clears his throat and kisses the top of my head.
“We have a game against the Lightning in two days. Do you think you could come? I know it would mean a lot to Eli.” I bet it would mean a lot to Mikeal as well; maybe this could be our moment.
I smile against his pec. “I’d love to come. See if you guys have improved any.”
He pinches my side, and I yelp, which wakes up Eli, who attempts to tug me against his body.
