I scoff, shoving a hefty piece of uncooked cookie dough into my mouth and wondering about my chances of getting sick off of it. “No, it didn’t.”
Piper sits down on the floor next to me, petting Hank and slowly taking my method of expiration away from me. “You know this is the bake or eat kind, right?”
“Well, that takes away part of the fun.” Piper’s eyebrows furrow, and she looks at me in confusion. I can hear a purr start in her chest, and I scoff.
“Piper, just stop. You’re not my Alpha. No one is. You don’t have to take care of me.”
“I’m your best friend, and you’re on the floor eating junk and looking sad. Sue me for caring and making sure that you’re okay, Charlie. For fuck’s sake, it’s not like I don’t have my own shit going on.” That’s when it hits me that I’m being such a bitch. I’m pushing away the one person who has put up with my shit continually and always makes sure that I’m okay.
“Pipes, I’m sorry. I saw them tonight.”
“What?” Her eyes are wide, and she bites her fingernails. It’s one of Piper’s biggest tells. I always know if she’s nervous or lying when she bites her nails. “Yeah, John asked me to meet him at the Foxes’ game.” Her biting stops, and her cheeks are covered in a red blush. “Piper, did you know?”
“What do you mean?” she asks in a small voice.
“Did you know they were all in Connecticut?”
“Listen, let me explain.” I’m on my feet and walking to my bedroom when she grabs my arm and spins me in the hallway. “I knew you telling them to fuck off after your mom was a mistake. That you would regret it. But I knew you needed time. So, yeah, I keep them up-to-date. Well, Anders and Eli. I let them know that you’re okay and when I think you would be ready to reconcile.”
“You’ve been texting them?”
“I don’t tell them anything personal, Charlie. Just that you’re sad and not coping well and you wouldn’t be ready to accept them. They told me they were working on a pack trade to come and play for the New Haven Foxes. They weren’t going to try anything until later in the season and after you’ve gone to therapy longer.”
I gape at her and pull my arm away. “You told them I’m in therapy?”
“No, Charlie. I just told them that you’re not in a good place. I didn’t even tell them about your mom. Just that you’re not in a good place and that until they are the Alphas you deserve, you aren’t ready to see them.”
“That wasn’t your place, Piper,” I say her name with a little more disdain than she deserves.
“I know it wasn’t. But fuck, Charles. I’ve watched you spiral for months. You’re the shell of the person you used to be. Your mom wouldn’t have wanted that for you. She loved the guys and wanted you to be happy when she was gone.”
“Don’t bring her up,” I say in a small voice. I’m on the edge of tears, almost letting everything flood me to the point I can’t breathe. I push it down, deep down, to where it doesn’t hurt.
“It’s true. Why do you think she canceled her insurance? She knew you were going to be taken care of. Your mom would hate it, knowing that you used her death to run away from your scent matches.”
I’ve had enough at that point. I don’t say another word to my best friend. Sometimes growing up is knowing when to walk away before you say something you can’t take back. I slam my door behind me and lock it for good measure. I crack the window on the side wall and light my weed pen, smoking just enough to help me sleep through the night.
Part of me knows that Piper’s right. But who does she think she is, taking care of me like that or making decisions for me? She’s told them what a mess I am, and that they need to leave me alone. It’s what I wanted. I wanted to leave them in the past, because they weren’t there for me and I would never be first.
I sound like a fucking broken record. It might be the weed or the events of today when I come to the conclusion that I pushed them away because I don’t want to be happy. I don’t deserve to be happy when she’s not here, and it feels like it’s all my fault.
Piper is busy with school stuff today, and I’m happy about it. More time for me to stew alone at home. I spend a good two hours looking for job listings online, narrowing down my searches by Omega friendly work environment, work from home, and HS diploma. I’m twenty-five credits short of getting my bachelor’s degree, but many dollars short of being able to afford even online school.
There’s this overwhelming presence around me telling me what a failure I am all the time, and it keeps me from wanting to do anything about it. I let my mom down. I’m not a good Omega, I’m not a good enough dog mom, and I’m a dropout with no job for my best friend to support me.
Sometimes I wonder what the point of all of this is. I wish my mom were here to give me one of her warm hugs and her advice. My mom had the best advice on the planet. I would do anything just to talk to her one more time.
I feel melancholy as my phone vibrates.
Piper:Don’t forget, tonight is Halloween. Candy is in the pantry.
Me:I’ll set it out.
Piper:Okay, turning my phone off. Big test tomorrow.
Things feel tense, no, things are tense, and I know I only have myself to blame. I grab the popcorn bowl and fill it up with the candy from the pantry and sit it on the bench by our front door while I brush my hair and maybe put some makeup on. Maybe seeing trick-or-treaters will help my mood.
I go with black sweatpants and a long black T-shirt. Piper has some old cat ears in her bedroom, and I’m about to go find them when I hear a gurgling noise from the living room.
