“Why? Because talking about them makes you feel what?” Janet pushes.
Regret, hate, anger, love, loss, fear… How do I say that it makes me feel too much at once? I’m not even sure what the biggest emotion is.
“There’s no point in talking about them. They aren’t out there waiting for me, Janet. And they shouldn’t be. I don’t want them.”
Janet taps her pen on that fucking clipboard again. “I don’t believe you. I think you still want them but don’t feel like you deserve them.”
“Because you know everything?” I say back, so fed up with Janet’s bullshit today.
“Because every time I ask you to talk about them, I see the pain written over your face, Charlotte. You’re an Omega, and you have needs. What happened to you was traumatic, but if you keep living your life blaming yourself and not allowing yourself good things, you’ll be left with nothing.”
“I ran because I knew they couldn’t give me what I needed. Because I would always come second. They weren’t there, and I was so mad. In that moment, I made a decision, and I have to stick with it.”
“It’s okay to change your mind and ask for forgiveness.”
“They’re all in different states now, and I have them blocked on all platforms.”
“Maybe unblock them and see what happens?”
I shake my head at her, not wanting to face the consequences of my actions. “I’ll think about it,” I lie, wanting Janet to leave me alone.
“Here’s your new prescription. Reach out to me on the portal if you have any issues.”
I nod my head and take the new prescription, feeling worse than I did when I left the house in the morning. I’m really thinking about calling it a day, going back to bed, and trying again tomorrow when my phone buzzes in my purse. I tug it out and see a text from John, the owner of CT Promotions. We were supposed to meet at his office in thirty minutes, but it seems there’s been a change of plans.
John:Foxes gave me amazing seats for tonight’s game. Can we meet there instead? I’ll leave your ticket at will call. Game starts at six.
I groan, not wanting to step foot in a hockey stadium. I look up the game, but I’m immediately blocked with my search. Piper really blocked everything related to the guys and hockey. I sigh and reply to John, reminding myself how badly I need this fucking job.
Me:Sounds great. I’ll meet you there. Thank you for the opportunity.
John:Looking forward to meeting you.
I find it odd that a potential boss wants me to meet him at a hockey game, but I’m guessing the Foxes are one of his biggest clients. CT Promotions is looking for work-from-home employees to help with putting in purchase orders and track shipments to clients. It’s by no means my dream job, but I didn’t finish college, and I certainly have no hands-on experience in accounting. It’s a starter position and one of the few I was able to find that would allow me to work from home and is okay with my designation.
I walk back home, stopping at the pharmacy and getting my new prescription. I’m thankful that I can at least take a nap before the game. The walk home has me thinking about everything Janet said. If I did unblock them, would they reach out to me? Or are they living their best lives as professional athletes? It makes my stomach sink to think about them out there fucking other girls, but I am the one who ended things. It’s not like I want them back anyway. Hockey comes first, not their Omega. I’m sure one day I will find Alphas who put me first—but they won’t be my scent matches.
My head hurts, and I wonder if changing suppressants will help with the headaches. At least that will be one positive. As soon as I turn the knob to the front door, Hank is greeting me with his cold nose. I let him walk around the fenced-in front yard, and he handles his business before coming back inside. I feel guilty when I look down at him. I used to take him outside all the time, but lately, I barely ever have the energy to leave the house.
“I’m going to work on being better, for you, Hank,” I promise him, petting his head as he follows me to the bedroom. I take my new suppressant and undress from my clothes except my underwear and climb into bed. Hank follows. This is the first time I feel like unleashing some of the pent up emotion. I sigh and bottle it all back up again. Now is not the time to fall apart.
There’s a light knock on my door, and I startle awake, holding on tightly to Hank’s fur.
“Charlotte,” Piper’s soft voice says from the hallway.
“Yeah?”
“How did the job interview go?”
“Oh, fuck.” I pull up my phone, and it’s six, right when the game is supposed to start. “Shit. shit. Shit.” Piper opens the door, not phased that I’m nearly naked as I rush to get dressed and ready for the evening.
“Charles, what’s going on?”
“Change of plans. I was supposed to meet him at six.”
“Shit, I’m supposed to meet with my study group, but if you need a ride?”
“That’s okay, I’ll get a BetaRide.” Plus, I can’t ask Piper to do one more thing for me. I feel like she basically has a bonded Omega with none of the benefits.
