Do I actually have a choice now? Or is it a trick? “I’m rested, Master,” I answer, deciding to play it safe. It’s not even a lie. I hazard adding, “It feels like I slept for ages.”
“Yeah, well…” Mikhail grumbles. “I guess we both deserve a punishment.”
So he kept me exhausted on purpose before—but now what? Nerves spike as I try to figure out how to navigate this new situation. What if I fuck it up somehow? I always fuck things up.
Noticing my discomfort, Master tightens his arms around me. “Relax, Doll. Everything will be fine.”
Ridiculous or not, his command makes me relax. Maybe it’s the certainty in his voice, maybe it’s just my body primed to obey him, but I let my worries go and melt into his arms. I don’t ask how everything will be fine when he’s supposed to hand me over to someone else in a few days, or whether he even counts on us being together. If he says it’ll be fine, it’ll be fine.
Warm and safe in Mikhail’s arms, I’m tempted to drift off again, but my body has other needs. I squirm, once again nervous about making a mistake. Am I allowed to leave the bed? To speak? I’m not afraid of punishment, but I don’t want Mikhail to be disappointed with me.
“What is it, Doll?” When I don’t answer right away, he grabs my hair and forces me to look at him. “Grace?”
Oh my god, I love it when he says my name, even if it’s a half-growl like right now. “I just…” I hesitate. Will he think I’m stupid?
“Just say what’s on your mind. Or would you prefer I spanked you to make you talk?”
“Um…” How insane is it that a spanking would actually make things easier? Dammit, what is wrong with me?
A hand lands on my ass, hard. I’ve been spanked one way or another every single day, so my ass is covered in a variety of marks and bruises, and even a simple smack hurts quite a lot. Ironically, the pain helps me calm down. It grounds me, giving me something solid to focus on. Yes, there’s definitely a lot wrong with me.
“So?” Mikhail prompts, his fingers digging into my ass cheek.
“I need to pee,” I blurt out the first thing that comes to mind, even though it’s not the real issue.
My Master, of course, isn’t fooled. “Understandable. But that’s not what’s got you twisted up with fear. Talk to me, Doll. You know I’m here for you.”
“I know.” I do know that. He’s been there for me every step of the way. Everything is easier with my Master around. “I’m just confused,” I admit.
Mikhail hums thoughtfully, releases his grip on my hair, and begins massaging my scalp instead. “Also understandable. It’s my fault, and I apologize for it, Doll.”
I blink. Did he just apologize to me? I didn’t know Masters did that.
Chuckling, Mikhail pushes a strand of my hair behind my ear. “Don’t stare at me like that. I know I don’t look it, but I’m only human. I make mistakes, and when I do, I apologize for them.”
Mistakes. Oh. My smile falters no matter how hard I try to hold it. Of course he thinks that the changes to our relationship are a mistake. He’s supposed to train me, not…whatever this is between us.
His thumb smooths the crease between my brows. “Thisisn’t a mistake, Grace,” he says as if reading my mind. “My mistake was changing the game but not explaining the new rules. I know you’re a good girl who thrives when you have strict rules to follow, so it’s only natural that you’re confused and afraid now.”
“Oh.” Relief that he doesn’t see getting closer as a mistake clashes with the indignant voice insisting I don’t like having strict rules to follow. Or do I?
I hated how rigid my parents were with their ridiculous rules, enforcing them long after I stopped being a child, but… Maybe it wasn’t the rules I hated but that I was never praised for following them, only punished for slipping up. Despite how hard Mikhail’s been on me, I’ve actually enjoyed being here with him. I like being kidnapped, and I don’t even have the decency to feel bad about it. “I’m so weird,” I groan.
Mikhail laughs. “No, you’re not. You’re perfect. We’ll figure out the new rules as we go but for now, you’re allowed to look at me and speak whenever you want. You’re allowed to call meby my name occasionally. In fact,” he adds with a smirk, “you’re obligated to cry it out every time you come.”
“Oh, no.” I fake a gasp, failing miserably because I can’t stop grinning. “How will I ever manage such a complicated task?”
Another smack lands on my ass. “You can be a brat, but be ready to face the consequences,” Mikhail warns. “I won’t hold back while punishing you.”
A shiver runs through me at the thought of punishment, and it’s not entirely unpleasant. Remembering Mikhail’s blown pupils and hoarse groans as he watched the tears stream down my face and listened to my sobbing and crying makes me crave the pain almost as much as my body’s insane reaction to it. Since when does pain turn me on? It’s like Mikhail reached into my brain and rewired me. Thinking back to those hours of “orientation” and “training,” when he mixed pain with pleasure, I realize he really did change something in my mind. It doesn’t feel wrong, though. It feels natural, like I’m finally allowing myself to feel everything I’m supposed to be feeling.
“What is it?” he asks curiously, and I realize I’ve been chuckling.
“It’s just that you said it. Earlier.” He stares at me, not catching on to my errant thoughts, which is no surprise. He might seem like a mind reader, but he’s not. Just human.My human, my subconscious whispers, and that feels right too. “You said that you were going to break me and put me together again, and you did. I feel…myself.”
Smiling, Mikhail caresses my cheek. “I’m happy to hear that, Doll. You were always meant to serve, you just needed someone to show you the way, someone who truly saw your beautiful soul. I’m a lucky fucking bastard that I got to be this ‘someone’. Come here.” He pulls me closer and presses his lips to mine in a soft, almost chaste kiss. If such a thing as a chaste kiss exists when someone’s half-hard inside you.
I’ve never been kissed before. Not like this, anyway. With my first and only boyfriend, it was just careful hand-holding and a few stolen pecks here and there when no one was watching. Oh, he tried to kiss me that one time we had sex but frankly, it felt disgusting. There was salivaeverywhere, and his tongue felt so weird and slimy when he pushed it into my mouth that I nearly gagged. I distracted him by touching his cock and avoided his mouth after that because ew. I should have known that was not how real adults kiss.
