“That’s what I thought,” I reply, and I unfold the stroller with Matty on my hip and get the two of them ready for their walk. It’s a cool day outside, the leaves tumbling down from the trees. I remember all of a sudden how much I love the city at this time of year; it’s almost like I had forgotten until I had the people to share it with.
Lila appears a few moments later, hands thrust deep into her pockets and a scarf wrapped around her face.
I cock an eyebrow. “It’s not that bad, is it?” I ask, glancing outside once more to make sure an arctic storm hasn’t set in when I wasn’t looking.
“Hey, I don’t want to get cold,” she protests. “It’s chilly to me, alright?”
“You wouldn’t have lasted a second in Ireland in the autumn,” I mutter, shaking my head like I can’t believe it.
“Maybe one day I’ll get to find out,” she suggests, as she tucks her hand into my arm. “Do you go back there much?”
“Not really, no.”
“I’d love to go with you,” she says. “And take the twins too. They have to know where they came from, right?”
It’s been a long time since I’ve even thought about going back to Ireland, with the weight of all the memories that still lie there. But seeing it through her eyes, through their eyes, I know it wouldn’t be like it was before. I’m not the same man I was when I left all those years ago, and I wouldn’t be returning as part of the same family I had with me when I visited before.
“Of course they do,” I agree, and I push the front door open in front of us. “Now, question is, is it too cold for ice cream on a day like today, or do we risk it?”
“I think you’re crazy. And that I’m never going to turn down ice cream,” she replies firmly, tapping the button for the elevator. Before I can stop myself, I lean down to kiss her again, the handle of the stroller digging into my ribs for a moment, though I pay it no mind.
“What was that for?” she giggles when I pull back, her cheeks flushed a little pink.
“Trying to convince you about the ice cream,” I reply, but it’s not true.
The truth is, I’ve never seen her so free or so at ease with herself in all the time I’ve known her, and I want nothing more than to commit it to memory for good. The way she tastes against my lips, the way she smells as we step into the elevator together, the way she hums to herself as we start to head down.
As we step out into the fresh air of that morning sunshine, she steps out ahead of me, a smile on her face, as though she can hardly wait to see what the day has in store for her.
For all of us.
EPILOGUE
LILA
I take a deep breath,staring at myself in the mirror.
You can do this.
I’m not sure I entirely believe it, but I have to try and convince myself that I’m capable of seeing this through, even if it feels like more than I’ve ever taken on before.
“Lila?”
I glance around. Emerging from the bathroom stall behind me is Martha—Thom’s mother, Martin’s ex-wife. It’s a profoundly weird set of relationships for me to share with her, I know that much, but she has been nothing but a support since all of this started to unravel over the course of the last few months.
She doesn’t know the specifics about the twins, the fact they belong to Martin, or at least we haven’t told her about it—but she’s an insightful woman, and I get the feeling she might have clocked it already. Either way, she meets my gaze in the mirror, moving in to wash her hands alongside me.
“How are you feeling?” she asks gently, and I dry my hands, forcing a smile onto my face.
“Uh, as good as I can, given the circumstances, I think.”
She squeezes my arm lightly once she’s dried off her hands, a concerned expression on her face. “If you feel like you need to take a step back from this, you know we can always go the route of a shielded testimony.”
I shake my head. I’ve already made my mind up about this, and nothing will move me from my stance.
“No,” I reply. “I want to look him in the eyes while I do this.”
She smiles slightly, almost as though she’s proud of me, though I can’t imagine how much of a headfuck it must be to support the woman who’s going to help put your son behind bars. Today is another in a long line of hearings against Thom, with nearly a dozen people emerging from his past to give evidence about what he did to them. And amongst them, of course, I stand—I’m the second-last to provide my testimony, and according to the packed-out courtroom, the one that most people are waiting on hearing.
