The guard peers around the doorframe, his brow furrowed as he looks at me.
“Are you okay?—”
“I’m fine,” I reply, a little faster than I need to. I close my eyes, drawing in a deep breath and rubbing my hand over my face. I need to call Martha and tell her she has nothing to worry about, at least not in terms of his injuries, but I don’t know if I have it in me to obscure the truth about this woman that he’s currently obsessed with.
Do I call the cops, tell them he’s out there and willing to cause God knows what trouble to win her back? Shit, I don’t even know her name, what good would it do?
But doing nothing doesn’t feel right. The look in his eyes, I’ve seen it before, that expression he takes on when he’s lost all grip on control and is willing to do anything to get what he wants. That woman, whether she knows it or not, is in danger.
Though I’d guess, if they had any kind of real relationship, she already knows that. He doesn’t do a good job of keeping his true tendencies under wraps for long, and the best I can hope for isthat she has the support system around her to keep her safe if he tries anything again.
“Let me just clean up in here,” I tell the guard, gesturing around, and he closes the door, leaving me to my thoughts for a moment.
I splash some cold water on to my face, grounding myself as best I can. Talk about whiplash. One minute, I’m waking up in Lila’s apartment with the twins, watching her feed them breakfast as she plans another day together, and the next, I’m down here tending to my son after he got into a brawl with God knows how many guys because he thought one of them might have been looking at his woman.
I feel like I’m being ripped in two different directions, two sides of my life that can’t come together brushing way too close for my liking.
And I don’t know how much longer I can keep them away from each other.
Or what will happen when they finally collide.
17
LILA
I breathein a great lungful of the fresh air at the park, and double-check to make sure the twins are strapped into their stroller properly. All systems go? Good. Time to actually enjoy my day instead of spending it shut up in the apartment and wondering when I’m going to hear from Martin again.
He took off early yesterday morning after getting a call from work—I suppose it’s not really fair of me to expect him to dedicate his time to me and the twins, given that he has such a demanding job, but I had already been foolish enough to come up with a hundred plans in my head for what we could do together for the rest of the day. I had pictured a trip to the park, maybe food out, and coming home to cook together so he could show me how to make that delicious pasta dish he’d made the night before. And of course, perhaps after the twins went to bed, we could have picked up where we left off in the kitchen last night too…
Instead, I just focused on keeping on top of everything, staying busy enough that I wouldn’t feel too stung by his absence. Sofia texted to let me know that she’s going to be back over theweekend, which is good news—it means I won’t have to rely on Martin for help if I need it at short notice. But there is a part of me that enjoyed his presence in the apartment way more than I should have, and I know I have to get myself in hand before I get too attached to the idea of him being close to me.
When I woke up to another beautiful day this morning, I resolved to make the most of it. Once I had fed the twins, I put them in the stroller and headed out to the small park not far from my apartment. I’ve been so busy, I’ve hardly had time for so much as a walk since they were born, and the leaves drifting down from the trees serve as a reminder of how much time has passed. The earth is covered in a blanket of red, gold, and orange, the air coming with a little bite in it to speak to the incoming winter.
It’s going to be their very first Christmas soon, the twins, and the thought fills my heart with excitement. I’ve never much been one for the holidays, mostly because I never had anyone to celebrate it with, but this year I’m going to go all out. As much as my budget will allow, anyway. A tree, lights, more presents than I can fit into that tiny apartment, all of it. I doubt they’ll remember it, but the thought of them sitting in front of their first Christmas tree is way too cute for me not to see it through.
I pass a couple pushing a stroller in the opposite direction, and I muster a quick smile so I don’t look too pathetic, being out here on my own. The woman nods back, but the man hardly seems to notice me. I feel a pang, wishing that Martin was here beside me—though I’m sure that would draw plenty of its own attention, given the age gap between us.
Would people think he was my father, instead of the father of my children? The thought sends a shiver down my spine.Yeuch.
It’s the reason that I still haven’t admitted the truth of the twins’ parentage to Sofia, despite the fact that we share pretty much everything with one another. I don’t want her to think that he’s some creep trying to take advantage of me, or that he’s been anything other than the perfect gentleman when we’ve been together.
Well, at least until I want him to be anything but, of course.
We’ve seen way too many girls from the foster homes we grew up in wind up with older guys, just looking for some kind of stability and peace, only to find themselves with a demanding weirdo twice their age. Lucky for me, I managed to find one who’s immature to boot. I always am outdoing myself…
We reach the small pond in the middle of the park, and Matty reaches out one of her chubby little hands toward the ducks that drift across the surface. I chuckle, and lift her out of her stroller, carrying her carefully toward the water as I keep my other hand on Ross’s knee.
“You want a better look?” I ask her, as she leans down curiously. One of the ducks lets out a quack and she jolts in my arms, turning to bury her face in my chest, and I smooth her hair gently. “It’s alright, baby,” I promise her. “They won’t hurt you. I promise I?—”
And then, as my gaze follows the duck to the other side of the pond, I realize that someone is watching me.
Someone I recognize. Someone I hoped I would never see again in my life.
Thom.
I straighten up suddenly, my grip tightening on Mathilda. My feet are frozen to the ground, my mouth dry, the only sound that of my heart slamming into my ribs. For a moment, I feel like I must have imagined him, because there’s no way, no way in hell, that he can actually be here, standing right in front of me, at the other side of the pond like this is just any other day.
But as I stare back at him, I realize with a sinking feeling that it really is him.
