As he kisses along my neck, his fingers still moving inside of me, my mind drifts back to the moment he took me for the first time, the way he drove himself so deep into me like he wanted me to remember it forever.
And, in truth, I have—I know I will never forget that moment, for a million reasons or more, but the most important being that he makes me feel wanted in a way that nobody else ever has before in my life.
My pussy clenches around his fingers, and I press my lips together with equal intensity to keep from crying out and alerting anyone passing by on either side of us. I know I have to keep myself together; if we’re caught like this, his reputation will be wrecked. But as he continues to press his fingers against me, it’s like he doesn’t care. It’s like he wants me to come so hard I can’t help but alert the entire fucking city. My thighs are trembling as I reach my release, the orgasm flooding the most private parts of me and blasting away the doubt that had taken residence there.
Once he’s sure I am well and truly done with my orgasm, he slowly slips his fingers back out of me and, without breaking eye contact for an instant, he raises them to his lips and draws them into his mouth. My eyes grow half-lidded as I watch him, this professional, put-together man tasting my wetness from his own fingers right here in a public alleyway where anyone could walk in on us.
I don’t know if I have ever seen anything hotter than this in my life.
But as I slowly start to drift down from the impossible high of the pleasure he just gave me, reality starts to set in once more. I glance this way and that, wondering if anyone saw me just get fingered to orgasm while they were heading to their restaurant reservations or bar-hopping.
Shit.I’m a mother now. It’s not like I can just do this, do whatever I want. I have to think about what might happen if someone finds out, what they’ll think of me, of my children…
I roll down my skirt and step back from him, my legs still shaky.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, his eyes narrowing with confusion.
“Nothing, I?—”
How the fuck do I put this into words? I went from being upset at him for keeping things too professional to wanting to make a break for it when things got too personal. I must seem outright crazy to him. I know this isn’t fair, but I have to go, I have to get out of here.
“I’m sorry,” I blurt out. “I’m just—I’m still figuring everything out, that’s all…”
I back away from him. I hate that I’ve made this much of a mess of things. I should never have let him follow me.
God, why couldn’t I just have told him that I was grateful for his offer of support and gotten on with my life? Why did I have to turn this into something that it doesn’t have to be? As though things aren’t complicated enough between us right now, I have to go and?—
“Lila,” he says, his voice as calm as it can be given the circumstances.
“I need to go. I’ll see you later. Bye, Martin.”
I take off before he can say another word, my head spinning. I know I shouldn’t be wandering around the city at this time of night by myself, let alone in a little black dress that was intended to charm the pants off the man I was out with, but I can’t be alone with him any longer.
When it’s just the two of us, I feel like all the good sense just vanishes from my mind, and everything that I’m meant to be putting first falls into second place to my desire for him.
I wrap my arms around myself, tugging my jacket tight around my body to disguise the dress a little better. I still feel like there are eyes on me, but as I shoot a furtive glance around, I tell myself it’s just paranoia. It’s New York—nobody cares about you unless you’re standing right in their way.
Casting a look behind me, I make sure that Martin isn’t following me, but he seems to have taken the hint, thank God. I don’t know if I could trust myself being around him, given the way I reacted before. No matter what kind of sureness I put into my head before I see him, there’s this chemistry between us that I can’t deny, no matter how hard I try, no matter how badly I want to.
Where’s the nearest subway stop from here?
I could call Sofia, get her to figure it out for me; she’s always known her way around the city better than I do. But then I would have to admit that I turned down his offer of a cab, and I might have to get into why, and that’s the last thing I need right now.
No, I can do this alone. I’m going to have to.
I keep my head down and try not to catch anyone’s eye as I continue, searching for the trademark yellow subway sign thatwill give me an out—I spot one, and descend the slightly grimy stairs, hoping that nobody who looks too closely will notice the flush to my cheeks.
I find the platform for the train that will take me close to my apartment building, and I stare at the board announcing how far away it is. Just three minutes, and I’ll be out of here, back home to my babies. Guilt nags at me when I think of them. What the hell am I doing, staying out late when I should be home taking care of them?
As the train begins to rumble in the distance, I feel something nagging at me, something demanding my attention, something that I can’t quite put into words. Like someone…
Like someone is watching me.
I look around, at the small crowd that’s gathered as they wait for the train to arrive, searching for anyone who might be looking in my direction. But none of them seem to even be aware that I’m there. I do my best to soothe the rushing thoughts in my mind, but I find myself rubbing my fingertips together, remembering the note that was slipped beneath my door.
If someone knew enough to find out where I live…
Then it wouldn’t take much more effort to have stalked me this far.
