But I find myself waving over the water and asking for the bill, my eyes still fixed on the door she just stormed out of. And I know that I can’t let her walk away from me like that, not quite so easily.
Maybe I’m crazy, maybe I’m stupid, maybe I’m letting my emotions get the better of me—but I won’t be happy until I can put a smile back on her face.
One way or another.
11
LILA
I swipe awaythe tears that are threatening at the corners of my eyes, doing my best to keep myself together.
What’s wrong with you? You knew this wasn’t a date. And yet…
And yet, when I saw him waiting for me there at the table, something inside me forgot it entirely. He looked so handsome, in that button-down baby-blue shirt, the sleeves rolled up to show off the strong muscle of his forearms. And the way he smiled at me when I walked through the door, as though I was the only thing in the world that mattered, the only thing he cared about.
God, I’m stupid.
I put on this little black dress, did my hair, did my makeup, even with Sofia hanging over my shoulder and teasing me the entire time. She wanted to know who I was seeing and why exactly I was putting so much effort in for them, but I just assured her it was a matter of business, not pleasure.
Now, if only I could have convinced myself of that too, I might not be in this mess at all.
But was it just me who made that mistake? As much as he tried to keep turning the conversation back to the twins, I could have sworn I saw a few moments where something shifted inside of him, and he wanted nothing more than to ask about me. About college, about my family, about…well, about who I am, not just as the mother of his kids, but as a person.
Or maybe I’m just imagining it because I want to believe there could be something more going on here, even though I’m likely just touch-starved and too much of a hopeless romantic.
“Lila!”
A voice comes from behind me, and I nearly jump out of my skin. I haven’t exactly been feeling very comfortable in myself since I found that note in the door. I haven’t spoken to anyone about it, hoping that if I ignore it, it’s just going to go away, but that doesn’t mean it hasn’t wormed its way into my brain. I’ve been looking for Thom around every corner, scared that he’s stalking me, and even tonight I found myself double-checking the ID of the taxi driver just to make sure that Thom hadn’t somehow managed to sneak his way in.
But when I turn, I see Martin striding toward me, pushing his hands into his pockets as he closes the distance between us.
My chest tightens. I don’t know if I want him to come after me or not—God, when I look at him, it feels like every inch of good sense just goes flying out the window, and it’s all I can do not to fall into his arms and ask him to take me back to that cabin so we can relive our night together over and over again.
“What are you doing?” I ask, crossing my arms over my chest. “We talked about everything we needed to talk about, right? Back there, in the restaurant?”
“Why did you just leave like that?” he demands as he reaches me, his eyes finding mine once more. There’s something about the depth of his gaze that makes it hard for me to think straight. Even the better part of a year after we first met, they still seem to have the same effect on me that they did all those months ago.
“Because we had discussed everything that needed to be discussed,” I reply, praying that he can’t see the tearstains at the corners of my eyes. “And I—I don’t have anything else to say to you. I’ll send you all the information you need to help me take care of the twins, but that’s it, isn’t it? That’s all you wanted from me?”
He looks back at me, his mouth twisting at the corner as he tries to make sense of what I want to hear from him.
I know it’s not fair for me to turn it around on him like this, but I’m not feeling like being fair right now. In fact, I feel like I’ve been made a fool of. I feel ridiculous, standing here in this black dress, the last pretty piece of clothing I have left that actually still fits me, expecting this man to give a damn about the way I look or how I feel. He made it clear that he’s only in this to help the twins, and I prettied myself up anyway, letting my delusion get the better of me.
“Lila, I don’t know what you’re talking about?—”
“You don’t?” I exclaim. A few people passing us on the sidewalk part to make room for the argument, and I shoot a glare at them, as though daring them to judge me.
“I thought thiswasabout the twins,” he reminds me, and I throw my arms in the air.
“Look, I get it, I know that you only care about the kids,” I tell him. “And I’m glad about that. Really, I am. But in case youforgot, something happened between us to bring those children into the world, and I can’t just forget about it like it’s nothing!”
I’m nearly shouting now, and I can tell how unreasonable I’m being, but I can’t stop. He takes my arm, guiding me into a small alleyway that leads away from the restaurant. A large shipping container blocks the view from the rest of the street, so at least I’m not going to be on display to the entire city while I have this meltdown.
“Lila,” he murmurs to me as soon as he has me alone. “I—I had no idea that’s how you felt. I thought you didn’t want anything to do with me. You hid the pregnancy from me?—”
“Because I had no idea who you were,” I remind him, voice hitching as I try to catch my breath. “Because—because I felt like if I tried to find you again, I would just make you angry. I thought you would see me as some gold-digger trying to get money out of you…”
“Trust me, any man who knows the cost of childcare doesn’t see having twins as a good financial prospect,” he replies, and despite myself, I manage to laugh. I draw my gaze away from him, leaning up against the wall behind me, trying to catch my breath.
