Leigh sighed. “And again, that’s really sweet. Don’t get me wrong; this is a pleasant surprise. I just don’t want Dad to shoot you or something because he found you in my bedroom.”
“How will we mate if I cannot be in here? Humans prefer to mate in a bed, correct?”
“Well, yeah, but … Look, it’s complicated. We’ve got to earn Dad’s trust to be able to spend the night together, and that’s not going to happen in a couple of days. We’ll be lucky if he lets us stay together after our third date. You do remember the three date rule, right?”
I lowered my head. “Yes. I remember. It was not my intent to break the rule tonight. I did not come here to mate. I just wanted to see you.”
“What’s so important that you had to see me now? Why not wait until the morning?”
I paused to collect my words. “I … My imagination? Yes, that is the word. My imagination is … insufficient. I cannot picture you as I would like, and it bothers me. I wish to pictureyou correctly. I cannot in good conscience supplement my imaginings with other women. I need to imagineyou.”
Leigh sat back and stared at me, her slender brows drawn together. “What do you mean by imagining me?”
I blinked at her. “For self-stimulation. I tried to relieve my ache, but I cannot without you.”
She groaned and pinched the straight of her nose with two fingers. “You were jacking off, and … what? You got hit with a sudden burst of conscience because you couldn’t picture me naked?”
The translation took a moment. I was not familiar with the human phrase “jacking off.” Once I understood, I beamed at her. “Yes! I was jacking off, but since I have not seen you naked, I could not picture you properly. I tried to picture other women in your place, human performers from the mating programs, but that felt dishonest.” I cocked my head at her. “Could I see you without your clothes? I believe if I knew what you looked like without them, I could better relieve myn’rilwhile remaining faithful to you.”
Leigh flopped back onto the bed with her hands over her face. “I can’t believe this is happening.”
“Is that a good thing?” I asked.
“Not really.” She scrubbed her face with her hands. “Jesus, T’raat, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at this. It’s a little ridiculous, but it’s also almost romantic. In a weird, perverted way.”
Perverted … This was not a positive word. I stood and headed for the window to make my exit. “I have offended you. Apologies. I will return to the loft, and I will not imagine you until we have had our third date. Until we can mate, and I can see you naked.”
“T’raat, wait! Don’t go.”
I paused. “I am confused. You say I am perverted, yet you wish me to stay?”
“Of course I want you to stay. I like you, T’raat. I just think it’s really inappropriate to get naked for you just so you can jerk off with a clean conscience.”
Her words said she liked me, but her tone seemed irritated. I did not understand. I froze halfway between the bed and the window, uncertain how to proceed.
“Look, T’raat, you have to be patient. We’ll mate soon enough. A few days isn’t so bad.”
“Tell that to myn’ril,” I grumbled. “The ache is unbearable.”
“Ache?”
I turned back to her and nodded. “Yes. Without relief, myn’rilhave been in pain today. I was … jerking off to relieve it. To ease it.”
Leigh’s eye narrowed, and she pressed her lips into a thin line as she crossed her arms over her chest. “You’ve got blue balls.”
I blinked. “Spheres?”
She pointed at myn’ril. “I haven’t seen you naked either, but I’m assuming you have balls like human men? Y’know, little sacs where your sperm is stored. On human men, they hang under the, uh,n’ril.”
“Oh! Mygaak. They are not blue. They are purple, like the rest of me.”
Once again, Leigh pinched her nose. “It’s an expression. When human men, erm, don’t get ‘relief,’ they claim they have blue balls. They say it’s painful, but it’s not. It’s just a way for the men to try to manipulate women into having sex with them.”
I frowned. I did not like the implication that I was being untruthful or manipulative. “I do not know about human men, but for Xalanites, arousal without release is indeed quite uncomfortable. Often to the point of true pain, and though we can self-release to relieve it, I did not wish to do so while picturing other women.” My body shook with anger and somenew emotion, a kind of pain but in my hearts, and I wiped a sudden outpouring of tears from my cheeks. “I will leave. I have upset you with my words.”
I jumped out the window, not bothering with the trellis to climb down. Landing on my feet, I broke into a run. I needed to think.
Chapter 7
