“Go on, Chloe.”
My name on his lips rescues me from the past. I give him a grateful smile and close my eyes.
The memory fragments, splintering into sharp, bleeding edges. “I remember looking up, trying to find my parents in the crowd. Everyone was so tall, and I was so small. I kept calling for them, but it was so loud. So many people yelling.”
My nails dig into Kolya’s chest, but he doesn’t flinch or pull away.
“A body slammed into mine, and then I was on the floor, people stepping over me, on me. I crawled under a table and tried to make myself even smaller.”
My rasped breaths fill the room, too fast and shallow, just like they were that night. My lungs constrict, choking me.
Kolya’s hand journeys to my back and rubs slow circles, easing the tension bit by bit.
When I can breathe more easily again, I inhale a mouthful of his scent, holding him on my tongue. “I stayed there until the room emptied. It eventually grew quiet enough for me to hear the fire crackling. The tablecloth was starting to burn, so I crawled out. And that’s when I saw… I saw…”
“Take your time.” His voice rumbles against my cheek. Encouraged, I snuggle closer.
“Bodies. On the floor. Some of them were burned. Some had…holes. There was so much blood. So much red against all that white.” I shudder at the phantom stickiness on my hands, my knees. “I tried not to look as I crawled past them, but I couldn’t help it. Women in beautiful dresses. Men in suits. Their faces frozen in screams. Shining in the firelight.”
Kolya stiffens, but he doesn’t interrupt.
“I was so scared. I just wanted to find my parents. By the time I made it outside, it was raining. Storming. The strong wind kept knocking me down. Lightning made everything too bright, then too dark.” The panic flares in my chest in an uncontrollable tide. My volume rises to match. “I was sure I was going to die. I thought my parents were already dead. I thought everyone was dead except me, and soon I would be too.”
Hot tears spill onto my cheeks.
Kolya’s gentle thumb brushes them away. “And yet you kept moving, even though you thought you lost everything. That takes strength.”
True. Though I considered other options. Giving up. Curling into a ball. Laying down and dying. Crying for my mom. Waiting for Dad to save me.
But I didn’t. I got up and…
With renewed conviction, I continue. “I couldn’t see anything. Couldn’t hear anything except the storm and the gunshots. I was running blind, falling, getting up, running again. And then I saw the porch of one of the beach bungalows. I snuck under it and pressed myself against the foundation. The wood slats were so close together, I felt hidden. Safe.”
He kisses the top of my head. “So smart. Even as a child. Getting someplace safe, protected, away from the storm, fire, and gunshots. Exactly what you should’ve done.”
He tucks the blankets around me, providing me with added protection I could’ve used back then.
I shoot him an appreciative glance right before the memory seizes me again. “That’s when I saw him. A man, running low to the ground. He had a gun. He was moving so fast, but so…controlled. Like he knew exactly where he was going and what he was doing.”
Kolya’s breathing stutters.
“He saw me.” The image crystallizes as I speak. “He looked right at me. Our eyes met through the slats. I thought…he would shoot me. Or grab me. But he just kept running.”
I push myself up on one elbow and peer directly into Kolya’s eyes. “I’ve tried to remember his face for fifteen years. Sometimes, I think I can see it clearly. Dark eyes. Hard jaw. Other times, it’s just a blur. But his expression… That I remember. Not cruel. Not kind. Just…assessing. Like he was trying to decide if I was a problem.”
Kolya’s face reveals nothing, but his hand stills on my back.
“After that, I just…waited. For hours. The storm got worse, then better. The gunshots stopped. I was soaked through, freezing, too terrified to move. When dawn came, I crawled out. There were more bodies on the beach, along with a whole bunch of debris. People in uniforms. Police. Resort staff. And others in suits. Like the people from the restaurant.”
Kolya pulls me closer, using his body to shield me against memories that can’t hurt me anymore. But for a long time, they did hurt me. They shaped me into who I am.
“I just stood there, gaping at all the dead people. I couldn’t cry anymore. Couldn’t scream. Couldn’t do anything.” My voice cracks, and I have to force the words past the lump in my throat. “A woman found me. One of the cleaning staff who’d been hiding too. She took me to what remained of the hotel lobby.That’s where the rescue workers were gathering survivors. From there, an ambulance carried me to a hospital on the mainland.”
The rest of the story spills out in a rush, words I’ve never spoken aloud tumbling from my lips. “I didn’t speak for days. Maybe weeks. Not a word. Just sat in the hospital bed, staring at the wall. They thought I might be in shock…might never speak again. My parents showed up then, out of the blue. They weren’t there…and then they were. They’d made it off the island on one of the first boats. They thought I died.” A bitter laugh escapes me. “Maybe they hoped I did. Would’ve been easier for them.”
Kolya’s brow furrows. “What do you mean?”
“They never talked about it or asked about what I went through or saw. It was like…they wanted to pretend none of it ever happened. But they couldn’t, because I was a walking reminder.” I wipe at fresh tears with the back of my hand. “They started fighting. All the time. About everything. About me.”
