My heart feels like it’s about to explode, and it won’t settle until I see her.Voices get louder from in front of me, and I keep moving till I reach the end of the brick house.I peer around and my shoulders drop.
There she is—my little girl sitting on a bright-pink picnic blanket near the pool fence, playing with her doll, mumbling words.The smile on her face brings me to life.She’s my world, and everything I do is for her.To make sure she’s protected, that nothing can touch her.She’s already been through hell, and I want to replace all those memories with love and happiness so she knows nothing bad about this life.She deserves to only see the good.To live in her own little fairy tale.
When I look at Cleo, it’s like I’m staring back at Lauren, and it kills me.I still remember the night that changed everything for us—when I lost them both.
I step away from the house, and Cleo’s gaze meets mine.Her smile widens, and she drops her doll and runs over to me.Her blonde hair flies with the wind.I kneel down and she falls into my waiting arms.Her little hands clasp around my neck, her strawberry scent calming my racing heart.
She pulls back.“Z, play with me?”she asks, looking up at me with her blue eyes, her hair falling into her eyes.She looks so much like me—her hair, her cheeks, her lips—but her eyes are her mother’s, and fucking hell, it kills me that I’ll never be able to see her mother again.Does Cleo know that her mom is gone?
I swallow past the lump in my throat.I can’t think about that now.I need to be with Cleo.
“Dollies?”she asks, angling her head toward the mat.
I could never tell Cleo no.I’ll always give her everything I can just to see her smile.I don’t have much, but anything I do have is for her.
I take her hand, and she pulls me back over to the picnic blanket with all her toys.I pick up one of her dolls and start playing along with her.Cleo’s four-year-old mind is full of imagination—I love it.
“Who’s this pretty lady?”I ask, pointing at the crazy-haired doll in her little hand.
“Molly, and yours is Sky,” she says, moving Molly over to Sky.“Can we be friends?”she asks.
I smile.This, being here with her, is everything.“Of course,” I say in the girliest voice I can, and soon our two dolls are off to a dance recital together, swirling and twirling in front of the hydrangeas.
Time vanishes as I play with my girl.
The back door slams shut.Natalie, Cleo’s babysitter, stands on the back patio and waves me over.I press a kiss against Cleo’s head, and she continues playing.
Natalie passes me a soft drink, and I take it.
“Does she know?”I ask, and Natalie sighs, leaning back against the house.I pop the top and take a swig.
“She keeps asking why she won’t come back, and I have no idea what to tell her.How do you explain death to a kid?It’s all so new.Fresh.It only happened three weeks ago.It breaks my heart,” Natalie says, watching Cleo play.
My heart hasn’t fully comprehended that the mother of my child is gone.Our relationship ended a long time ago, but I always kept a place for her in my heart.I couldn’t give her much, but I could give her a chance at a good life.Daringville was supposed to be safe—the better choice.Now look how that’s fucking played out.
“You need to make sure she stays protected at all costs until I can figure out what to do,” I say.I can’t leave Cleo here forever, not now that Lauren’s gone, but I need time to set up a house for her.And I need a plan for someone to care for her, too, while I’m out at work or fighting the war to keep the Hood safe.
“Always, but you have to know that it’s getting harder to get you here.Callan has more security.People I don’t know hanging around.I can’t risk it,” Natalie says.
I crunch the can in my hand and throw it to the ground.Fuck.I need to see my daughter.To spend time with her.It gives me a reason to breathe.To know she’s okay.Safe.
She’s here because I wanted a better life for her, but now that her mother is gone, I’m not sure this is the best place for her.I won’t let him raise her by himself.He’s never here; he doesn’t love her like I do.If he has her, it’s going to make it harder for me to see her too.
“I can’t not see my daughter,” I snap.
Natalie nods.“I know, but I can’t exactly risk him finding out.Then you’ll never see her again.Hell, I’m just grateful I’m still her babysitter.”
“I am too.I have to go, but promise me you’ll keep me updated and keep her safe.Please?”
Natalie nods, and I leave after kissing Cleo goodbye, praying that I’ll still be able to visit her.From what Lauren told me about Callan, he treated them well.Gave them everything they need, which is more than I could’ve done.But he didn’t raise my girl, Lauren did, and now that she’s gone, how can I guarantee Cleo’s safety?I’m going to lose my mind worrying about her.
I sneak down the street, looking back over my shoulder and around me.A car drives past, and I hold my breath until it’s in the distance.I’m risking my life being here.Someone could recognize me, then it’s over.
I’m a block out from the tracks.Hiding behind the trees, I move from one to the other, my throat dry, my heart pounding.I need to get back home.I step out from the safety of the tree line, about to run, then a car with tinted windows flies past and screeches to a halt in front of the tracks, stopping a car coming the other way.Fuck.I jump back behind the tree.
Two guys get out, guns strapped to their thighs.Brotherhood soldiers.One slams his fist down on the hood of the now-still car.
“Get out!”he yells, and the driver of the other car obeys, getting out and placing his hands on the roof of the car.The Brotherhood soldiers move around, opening the trunk.
