ME: Terrified, if I’m being honest. What if nobody shows up? Or what if I mess up the whole thing?
GRANT: That won’t happen. You’ve got this. I believe in you.
His confidence in me is sweet, but it only partially settles the knots in my stomach as I dive into my to-do list. I skim for the easiest tasks first, but every detail feels super important, from the vendor confirmations and seating charts to the last-minute RSVPs and coordinating with the catering staff.
An hour later, my phone buzzes again.
GRANT: I thought you might need this.
The message is followed by a link to a video of a baby elephant learning to use its trunk, stumbling adorably as it tries to pick up a stick. The little sweetie keeps dropping it and trying again, and I love his determination.
I’m smiling from ear to ear as I type out my reply.
ME: That’s ridiculously cute. How did you find it?
GRANT: I have my sources. Are you feeling better?
ME: A little. Thank you.
Throughout the afternoon, more videos pop up in our text thread. A mother elephant teaching her baby to swim. A rescued elephant painting with her trunk. An elephant sanctuary where the animals play with enormous soccer balls.
Each one makes me smile, and they’re the perfect distraction from my growing anxiety about the fundraiser.
Just after lunch, he sends me a video of an elephant who has learned to play basketball. She carefully dribbles the ball with her trunk before shooting it toward a custom-made hoop. She misses the first shot, tries again, and then sinks it perfectly.
The elephant’s obvious pride in her accomplishment, combined with the cheers from her trainers and caretakers, makes me burst out laughing right here at my desk.
“Now that’s a sound I don’t hear very often,” one of my co-workers, Monica, says as she walks by my cubicle. “What’s gotten you into such a good mood?”
I put my phone face down on my desk and do my best to school my big smile into something more appropriate for the amount of stress I’m actually under.
“Nothing in particular,” I lie. “It’s just been a good day.”
“It must be. You’ve been practically glowing all morning.”
I’m not sure what to say, so I mumble a quick thanks and say something about getting back to the seating chart I’ve been working on.
After she walks away, I think back on how she said I’ve been glowing all morning. I know it’s Grant and all the big and little things he does on a daily basis that’s making me feel this way, but it’s almost overwhelming to dig too deeply into this light, almost giddy feeling that keeps bubbling up inside me.
I’m not used to feeling hopeful and excited about something as simple as a text message from a man. Not when I’ve been in pure survival mode for so many years. I’ve been keeping my head down, working hard, and taking care of April without asking or expecting too much from anyone else.
That’s what’s familiar. That’s what’s safe.
Because expecting more, hoping for more, and trusting someone else to be there when I need them is a recipe for getting hurt and disappointed.
I know it because I’ve lived it. I’ve been the one left alone with a little girl to pick up the pieces of a life I thought someone else cared about protecting.
Chapter 16
Grant
The Aces have had two wins after three days on the road, and I should feel good about the trip. We’re sitting pretty in the standings, the team is gelling for the most part, and I posted solid numbers in both games.
But all I can think about as I drive home from the airport is that shot in the second period two nights ago. The one that slipped past my glove by maybe two inches. Probably less. It was a perfectly savable shot that I let through because I was a fraction of a second too slow getting my hand up.
Every game has its regrettable plays—the kind that repeat over and over in my mind no matter how hard I try to shut them off—and this one just happens to be my latest obsession.
I know it might not be productive or even healthy for some people to dissect and analyze every angle and every movement to try to figure out exactly what went wrong, but this is how I’ve always operated. This is how I got to the top of my game, and it’s how I manage to stay there.
