Before, when Kai snarled or shook or looked like he wanted to kill me, I would have taken it literally, or more likely, get turned on. But since we shared so many bites that he’d welded himselfinside me, I could feel his deep disappointment and pain that they hadn’t come for us.
How many times had he waited alone? How had they treated him in the five years they had bonded that he’d become used to it? It might not have been quite as bad as Caspian loving someone else the whole time they were together, but it stung that his alphas didn’t show up when he needed them. Or we needed them.
Even though he said he didn’t expect them to come, his back was to me, still looking out the window of their pack house with a touch of hope. And that hurt more than his giving up completely.
I lifted myself from the chair I’d sat in for an hour while he played with my makeup and hair, and walked over so I could wrap my fingers through his. It was our habit now, just holding each other like that.
We didn’t need to say anything, but I didn’t want him to wallow in his hurt.
“I’m so sorry, Brandy,” he said through gritted teeth. “I was seriously hoping they’d step up their game now that you were here.” He squeezed my hand. “But they can’t even make a fucking effort when this is one of the most important events besides the fucking Selection Ceremony. I can’t fucking believe them. I just—” He cut himself off, his grip hard enough to make my fingers numb.
Maybe it hurt me, too. Maybe I wanted to see them as well. But not so much that I was going to cry over it.
I’d shed enough tears, and I was so tired of it. I didn’t want to be that person anymore. I still wasn’t sure if I could be someone who turned up to a formal dinner of high society omegas in a slutty, sexy dress as a fuck you, but I hoped it would be worth it in the end.
“I thought this was our chance to establish to Cas’s bitch-ass mum that you’re here to stay.” He scowled, clicking his tongueas he turned to me. “Listen, Brandy, as soon as Cas and Sin bite you, I’m going to make them spoil the shit out of us. Cas has been a top-tier cunt, and it’s time for some fucking payback.”
Pressing my lips hard together, my heart suddenly sank as I realised what he was saying.
I dipped my chin, nerves shuddering through me.
I really didn’t want to have this conversation when Kai was already vulnerable over Sin and Caspian not being there, so I kept quiet.
But we were so closely tied to each other that he felt my stab of guilt as clearly as I did.
“What?” he said, turning to me. “What is it?”
I didn’t want to look at him, or even feel him properly. I’d avoided talking about it as much as I could. When I was in his nest, I could pretend we were normal omegas and not deal with the weight hanging over us.
“Kai, I’m not going to be part of your pack,” I said softly.
Shock hit him suddenly as he flinched back, ripping his hand back from mine.
“What? What are you talking about?” he asked, his voice cracking.
“We’ve always known this had a time limit. Caspian likes to remind us whenever we’re together. So, I’m not staying once this is over.”
I hated the way his heart dropped, that the light faded from his eyes as anger took over him.
“What the fuck do you mean?” he snapped out.
“I mean, I don’t want to be in a pack where I have to put up with growling, snarling, and coldness for the rest of my life.”
Kai sucked in a breath as his heart rate picked up.
Even though the scent match was so incredible that I could just curl up with the three of them around me, it was as real asKai’s bites. They felt perfect, but it would fade over time, I was sure of it.
I had fantasies of being forced to submit and treated like I was just a hole for them to fuck, but it was so different when it happened in real life. It could be fun when we were together with that air of tension humming between us, but I didn’t want to live a life where I wasn’t treated with respect. It took Caspian’s contempt and Sin’s disregard for me to see that my dream of having a pack was so much more than just being loved.
After growing up with Rosa and seeing the way Zania treated me and Kai, I wasn’t prepared to step into that kind of life, especially when I had enough money to get me back on my feet.
“You can’t be serious,” Kai choked out. “Brandy… You… Like, I know they can be pissheads, and they don’t make the best decisions, but I thought…” He trailed off as he looked at me, twisting my heart. “I thought the past week meant something to you?”
It was an echo of how I’d been during our heat, where Sin first made me that offer, and they all acted like I was a whore. Where I tried to reason with them, and they stamped me down and hurled their fury at me based on their own assumptions of what I was.
When I was with them both, I was completely swept away by their alpha energy. I thought I was being held and loved, how Sin coldly approached everything, and how Caspian snarled in my face was just part of being an alpha. But when I was apart from them, and I could really think about what I wanted, that wasn’t it.
I’d already fallen for the heartbroken omega in front of me, but that wasn’t enough to make me forgive Caspian and Sin for their decisions.
