Movement from the bed drew my eye. When I glanced back, my stomach dropped. Penny was seizing again. His whole body jerked uncontrollably. Harlan swooped in and rolled him onto his side before backing off to wait it out.
I blinked away tears and tried to control my ragged breaths for fear of betraying my panic. It wasn’t safe to let Harlan know that Penny was my weakness. It would only give him material to use against me like I had against him, though if Penny didn’t live through this, none of it would matter anyway.
Eventually, Penny settled to lay deathly still. I watched with growing dread as his chest failed to rise and fall, and the seconds stretched on far too long.
“He’s not breathing,” I rasped. My voice sounded far away in my own ears.
Harlan muttered a curse and pushed Penny onto his back, tipping his head and pulling his chin down to open his lips while pinching his nose shut. The old man sealed his mouth over Penny’s and forced air into his lungs severaltimes before drawing upright. The silence seemed deafening until Penny took in a sharp, rattling breath on his own.
Relief washed over me, and I dragged myself over to lean against the foot of the bed.
Harlan wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “He’s not fit to survive this,” he said.
I fixed him with a scowl. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
The old man gestured toward Penny sprawled limp and ashen across the mattress. “His body is failing. He’ll pass by the morning.”
“No, he won’t. He can’t.” My head shook so hard I worried it might come loose. “You don’t understand; he has a widowed mother and a sister. They need him.” Beyond that, one other thought echoed inside my head until it became deafening:I needhim.
Harlan grunted and returned to the dresser. He removed two needles from the canvas roll along with a pair of metal forceps. I watched as he ran first one needle and then the second through the flames to sterilize them.
“I’ll do what you want, but I won’t be held responsible if he dies.” He screwed the needles onto two separate syringes, then drew up a measure of the fluids from the jug in each of them. He offered one out to me. “Only touch the barrel.”
I did as he asked and looked away as he slid the first needle into a vein on the inside of Penny’s left elbow and depressed the plunger. He set the syringe aside and reached for the jar of gauze, pressing a bundle of it to the injection site and binding it up with a bandage. He repeated the process on Penny’s right arm, and then began packing things away.
I dragged myself up to sit on the edge of the mattress again, watching expectantly for some sign of improvement that didn’t come.
As Harlan retrieved his bag, I hauled myself to my feet to see him out. In the living room, he wound his cloak around his shoulders.
“What should I do if he stops breathing again?” I asked, my voice smaller than I intended.
Harlan paused in fastening the clasp of the cloak at his throat. He was quiet long enough that I looked up and caught the disdain in his eyes.
“Sharpen your knife,” he replied. “You’ll need it to clean his bones.”
My blood ran cold. I couldn’t manage a response before Harlan stepped out and slammed the door in his wake. It was all I could do to engage the lock before I bolted to the kitchen.
I barely made it to the sink before my stomach twisted. There was nothing left to throw up, but the thought of stripping the flesh from Penny’s bones inspired a wave of violent heaves that left me breathless for the second time that night. By the time they passed, I was draped over the edge of the basin, wracked with sobs.
I couldn’t lose him. I’d told him I didn’t know how to go on without him anymore, and it hadn’t been an exaggeration. He was the one bright spot in a life that had been fraught with shadows and pain. Every time he told me he loved me, I believed it a little more. And just when I was realizing that I would be happy to spend the rest of my life with this man by my side, I was going to lose him.
I shook myself free of the cluttering thoughts. One thing remained certain: I wasn’t ready to say goodbye.
It took most of my remaining strength to pump waterinto the sink and splash it on my face. Then it was time to stagger along the wall back to the living room to change into dry clothes, then back to Penny’s room.
I crawled into the bed to tuck myself in beside him and brushed the sweaty hair back from his forehead. Propped up on one elbow, I watched the rise and fall of his chest and considered what I would do if it stopped again.
I monitored him for hours, fighting sleep and tears that never seemed to stop. As the world outside the window brightened with the dawn, I had no choice but to give up my vigil when the need for sleep overwhelmed me. I curled close, resting my head on Penny’s chest so I could hear his heart beating and the air creaking into his lungs.
My mind wandered back to the makeshift deed to his farm, still on the table in the living room. To the family Penny wanted to share with me. To the life I always wanted, but never thought I could have.
As I slipped into unconsciousness, I knew that I’d give it all up if I could just have Penny.
30
Kit
For the next day and a half, I hardly left Penny’s side. Even had I not been afraid that he’d slip away when I wasn’t there, I couldn’t help but remember how afraid he’d been at the prospect of being abandoned at the mission. No matter what, I needed to be there when he woke. I needed him to know he wasn’t alone.
