I took the offered seat, perching stiffly and wishing I could crawl into Kit’s lap instead. But this needed to be said, explained, and if I let myself be weak before I even began, I might never find my strength again.
With my elbows on my knees, I offered the note to Kit. “I want you to have this,” I said.
“What is it?” He squinted at it briefly before rising and going to the shelves beside the fireplace. After striking a match to a candle stored there, he carried the paper and small flame back to the couch.
I kept quiet as he set the candle on the low table, then opened the page and smoothed it against his thigh. The flickering light cast a glow on his face as he skimmed the lines squeezed in between drawings of leafy trees and nesting birds.
“I ran out of paper,” I explained sheepishly.
Kit’s expression turned solemn as he read my best effort at a formal contract, signed at the bottom in an unsteady hand.
“Father left the farm to me when he died.” My voice wavered, threatened to crack. “And I’d like to leave it to you.”
He read it again, maybe twice more, and his jaw workedas he considered his reply. When he looked at me at last, his features were pinched.
“Penny, I can’t accept this,” he said. “What about your mother and Sayla?”
Tears threatened, and I clenched my fists as though I could physically fight them off. “IfI’myour family, maybe they can be too?”
His brow furrowed deeper, and he looked at the letter again.
It was a lot to ask. Kit had his own home and occupation in Forstford. He had a life there, one I imagined he was eager to return to when this was all over. But I couldn’t shake the memory of our day spent checking items off Mother’s list and how naturally Kit had taken to the duties I so often struggled with. He would thrive on the farm and make more of it than I ever could, or at least keep the plow blades in fine repair.
“You could sell it if you wanted to.” I talked to fill the quiet, going over the details I’d mentally rehearsed. “Sayla’s likely to wed the silversmith’s son soon. He’s quite taken with her. That would only leave Mother…” I wrung my hands. “The farm should be worth enough to afford her lodging elsewhere. She could have a comfortable life.”
Kit sat still for another lingering moment, then refolded the paper and set it on the table beside the candle. Turning toward me, he took hold of both my arms and tugged me around until I faced him squarely.
“Pen, where is this all coming from?”
I swallowed while searching for words. I’d managed to put my fears aside for days, flirting with Kit in the smithy, cuddling together in the evenings, making meals and spending time like we were a married couple with a quiet, normal life. I’d gotten quite good at pretending I was livingin the future, in a time removed from the Bone Men and the initiation rites that threatened our lives.
But I couldn’t hide from it now.
“The poison. The Oath tomorrow.” I drew a steadying breath. “I…”
No sooner did I have a hold on my apprehension than did it grip me instead, cinching like a noose around my throat. I remembered that feeling, going lightheaded and suffocating while the hemlock coursed through my body. It could happen again. I was near certain it would.
“I’m afraid, Kit. Nora said I shouldn’t… We were only taking a little bit, but…” My eyes flooded with useless tears that wouldn’t solve anything. “I couldn’t breathe. I thought I would die. I think it might kill me, and then…” I hiccupped a breath. “And then…”
Kit slid his hand around the nape of my neck, brushing his thumb through my hair. He shook his head slowly. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you,” he said. “I promise.”
Of course, he would say that. He would protect me from the world if he could, but there was little he could do to stave off the effects of a deadly poison.
I wiped my face and set my expression as sternly as I could manage. “Butwillyou take care of Mother and Sayla? If I…” My throat tightened again, and I gathered my resolve to force out, “If something happens?”
Kit dipped his chin in a solemn nod, and it felt as though a weight lifted off me.
“Of course,” he said. “But, Pen…”
I shook my head to silence him. That was all I needed to hear. I didn’t want to talk or even think about that vile green poison and the havoc it could wreak. I was happierpretending we were in a different time and place for one more night.
Scooting closer, I dipped in to kiss him. His lips were soft and warm, and his fingers pressed into the back of my neck. I reached for him, then, threading my arms around his back and pulling myself into his lap where I’d wanted to be all along.
I kissed him again and again. Up his jaw and over his ear where I nosed into his curls.
His other hand roamed across my bare back, skating along my ribs and dragging nails over my skin. I shivered and surged closer. My knees settled on either side of his thighs, straddling his lap so I could roll my hips into his while I covered him in kisses.
Kit’s chest fluttered with unsteady breaths. I wanted to feel him closer still, so I fumbled to the hem of his shirt and gave a tug. He released me and raised his arms to let me strip the garment off and throw it aside. The heat of his skin seemed almost scorching as I wrapped him in an embrace, feathering my lips across his shoulders and up the front of his throat as his head lolled back.
