Quiet returned, interrupted only by the clinking of Merrick and Violette’s cutlery until Merrick set down his fork and folded his hands in front of him on the table. “Youknow, Mister Koesters, while you were on the road, I had time to learn a bit more about you. There wasn’t much in the records, you see. Your father seemed eager to erase you from our history and, my lovely wife and our Right Hand notwithstanding, not many who used to know you feel kindly about your abrupt and unexpected departure. Or your equally abrupt and unexpected return.”
He sat back in his chair and took up his glass, swirling the deep red wine inside. “It seems you simply vanished after taking the first of your Oaths. Was the pain too much for you? Or were you aware then of what you refuse to acknowledge now, that you’re simply not strong enough to be one of us? That you’re too cowardly to do what must be done, so you seek out old bones instead of fresh to soothe your misplaced guilt?”
My chair screeched as I shoved it back and got to my feet, bracing both hands on the tabletop. My stomach was still churning, and my heart was heavy with the news about the doting newlyweds we met on the road, but IlovedKit. I loved him too much to hear him slandered. Even if he was willing to tolerate the abuse, he didn’t deserve it.
“Kit’s a better man than you could ever hope to be,” I snarled. “And he’s no kind of coward.You’rethe coward, telling lies about the militia and your rotations and your high rank while you scurry off here to lord about the place in your ridiculous getup.”
This was the crux of it. The truths I was supposed to ignore. I wasn’t sure what lies he’d told Violette or how deep his duplicity went, but she was about to find out.
“Does yourlovelywife feel kindly about you keeping her a secret from your family?” I gestured to Violette, who smiled sweetly when Merrick glanced at her. “I think not, since she never took your name. What about yousneaking away with Father’s remains and leaving me to believe it was my fault he was taken? Did you care about him so little? Did you care about him at all?” I stopped abruptly as my anger was overwhelmed by a fresh wave of grief.
“Did you care aboutus?” I asked and immediately regretted it. Of course he didn’t. The realization was profound to me, but Merrick didn't flinch.
“I gave him the highest honor possible,” Merrick snapped. “He is part of something bigger than all of us, you insolent?—”
“Boys!” Violette shouted. “Enough, all of you. I didnotspend all afternoon cooking this food just to have you,” she pointed at Merrick, her face stern but threatening a smile, “chase them off so it goes to waste.”
Merrick ground his teeth so hard I could have sworn I heard them creaking, but he didn’t speak. Instead, he downed the last of his wine. I sank back into my chair and did the same, then held the empty glass toward Violette in a wordless request for a refill. She beamed, more than happy to oblige.
I’d started in on the fresh pour, ignoring Kit’s pensive expression in my peripheral, when Merrick chimed in again.
“You know, Penwell, for someone who didn’t give a shit about his family’s livelihood, it seems you’ve found something you’re willing to raise a fuss over.” When his green eyes slid toward Kit, they narrowed. “Or someone.”
“Merry,” Violette groaned.
I shot out of my seat again and slammed my glass down so hard that wine sloshed out and splattered onto the tabletop. “You mean our father?” My voice climbed toward a shout. “All that honor you gave him? Yes,Merry, I’m morethan willing to fuss about your deceit and your endless arrogance and your suffocating sense of self-importance.”
“Penny…” Kit laid his hand on my arm and tugged, trying to ease me back into my seat.
While rage burned through me, Merrick remained frigid. “I mean your unrequited love.” He tipped his chin toward Kit, who released me and sat back as though he’d been struck. “It’s tiresome to watch, andgods, you are relentless. Chasing after other men assuming they share your unnatural inclinations.” He waved his hand through the air, appearing disinterested while spouting criticisms I should have been more steeled to after all these years.
“Some things are best kept secret, Penwell.” His gaze locked on mine. “And some people are better off alone. Though, maybe that’s the gods’ fine design, ensuring you won’t aid in the creation of another generation of deviants.”
Violette tittered a laugh while I stood silent and so stiff I thought the slightest movement would shatter me.
Kit’s chair slid back, and he rose as well, slow and measured like a predator staring down his prey. He braced his arms on the table, and every muscle in his body seemed to flex at once. I wondered how he could have ever found me frightening when he looked ready to break Merrick in half.
“You are absolutely despicable,” Kit snarled. “The only thing unnatural here is how you’ve dedicated half of your life to tormenting one of the kindest souls I've ever met. It's a testament to his strength that you didn't break him, and only asimpletonwould keep trying.”
His words were muffled by the blood rushing in my ears, but I heard them all the same. Any other time, I would have been elated to have him swoop to my rescue, but now I felt numb. It wasn't enough to know I had something—finallyhad something—with Kit. I should have grown calloused to my brother's condemnation years ago, but it struck a chord of pain in me so deep, so integral, that it rattled my very core.
The dining room blurred through a film of scalding tears, so I felt more than saw Kit's hand on my elbow as he pulled me into motion.
“Come on, Pen,” he muttered.
I turned into him, wanting to hide or cling on as we moved away from the table.
We were halfway to the front door when Violette's voice rang out. “You boys should come to dinner more often!” She cackled like a mad hen, then said to Merrick, who must have been stunned into silence, “What a lovely night.”
When Kit stopped long enough to swing the door open, I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in his neck. He didn't shoo me off, didn't push me away, just hugged my shoulders and placed a kiss on my temple before leading me into the dark street outside.
20
Kit
It was fully dark, but the lanterns along the road guided us toward home. The wine was hitting Penny hard, and I used his stumbling as an excuse to curl an arm around his shoulders and keep him close as we walked.
“I’m not a coward,” he slurred. His hand wadded in the back of my shirt as he held on and leaned so heavily against me that our hips knocked together every other step. “We shouldn’t have left. Now Merrick thinks he’s won.” A sneer curled his lips before he tipped his head to rest on my shoulder. “He’s laughing at us, you know, him and his horrible wife.”
