I shrugged. “Levitt was my best friend. He was one of the few people in Ashpoint who didn’t see me as a grand disappointment or something to use for their own gain.”
“But he never told you he loved you?”
I shook my head. “I had no idea.”
Penny sank beside me, close but not touching, and the space between us felt vaster than a few inches.
“Has he said anything? Since you’ve been back?” he asked, but I could tell that wasn’t the question he wanted an answer to.
“Not a word,” I replied. “Not about any of it.”
Penny nodded while looking anywhere but at me. “Oh,” he repeated.
He seemed to be taking the news about as well as I had, and I didn’t want him worrying about things that would never be. Levitt was a friend at most. Any chance we had of being more than that was long gone.
Penny pressed against my side again and threaded his fingers through mine. “He shouldn’t have given up.Iwouldn’t have. I’d follow you anywhere.”
A smile tugged at my lips, and I leaned my head against his. It was the reassurance I’d wanted back at the mission but hadn’t known how to ask for.
“What would you do if he told you now?” Penny asked softly.
“It wouldn’t matter. There’s a part of me that wishes that hehadsaid something then. Maybe it would have made me feel less alone, or less like there was something wrong with me, but… it was for the best that he didn’t. Because I have you, and I’m happy, Pen.”
His grip on my fingers tightened, and I tipped his chin up with my free hand for a kiss. That earned me a wide smile.
“Besides,” I added, “I’m not sure Levitt and I have as much in common as we used to when we were kids. Not as much as you and I do, anyway.”
That seemed to ease Penny’s worry, and we fell into idle chatter as we finished the last of the jerky. We managed to stay wrapped up in the cloaks and furs as we moved from the bed of the cart to the driver’s bench. Penny spent the first few hours of the trip tucked under my arm with his head on my shoulder.
When we turned off the main road and started on the path into the foothills, I reluctantly withdrew my arm and put a few inches of space between us. Penny took the opportunity to move into the bed of the cart, claiming he could better lay out his sketchbook for drawing, but I could tell he hated my need for secrecy.
The path narrowed and grew rougher as we got closer to Ashpoint, and when the sheer stone cliff rose to ourright, I scanned the rocky outcroppings above for lookouts.
“Gate’s just ahead,” I called back to Penny. “Nice not getting ambushed this time, don’t you think?”
The scuffle of him rifling through his pack paused when I spoke.
“Yeah.” He sounded distracted. “Very nice.”
“You going to come up here?”
“Sure,” he said. The rustling stopped, but he didn’t immediately join me on the bench.
I started to turn toward him as he plopped down beside me.
“What were you looking for?” I asked.
Penny’s eyes darted away, and he pressed his palms between his knees. Good thing, because the hands-off rules were mine, but I still wanted nothing more than to lace my fingers with his.
“Nothing,” he said, but I wasn’t convinced. “Just putting my sketchbook away.”
There wasn’t time to question him further before we rounded a bend, and the ivy-covered city wall came into view.
As we closed in, I handed the reins to Penny and slid off the side of the cart. The gate swung wide as I took Betty by the bridle to lead her inside.
We entered Ashpoint to scattered applause, though I knew the crowds would gather the further in we got. I walked Betty all the way to the looming edifice of the Ossuary and tried to smile through my disgust at being congratulated for robbing some poor soul’s grave faster than everyone else. Once we stopped, Penny hopped off the driver’s bench and circled around to the back of the wagon.
We had already drawn quite a crowd, and more peoplewere filtering in. The sooner we finished this, the sooner we could get home and take much needed baths and eat some hot food. That was the only thing that kept me going as I climbed back into the cart and began prying open the crate lids.
