Blame it on the poison regimen or the sleepless nights or the memory of Tessa’s unwelcome touch, but my stomach was roiling. But attending to that required putting my sudden and poignant fear at ease, the worry that Tessamight attempt the same and more with Kit and garner a vastly different reaction.
“Are you sure?” Rosie asked, only to be answered by a bout of coughing that left me breathless and my eyes watering. I wiped them with my sleeve, then hurried to the cloak rack, nodding through her farewell and offering my own before stepping out into the dusky evening air.
5
Penny
Iwent by the smithy first, trudging through the snow and making rapid progress while trying not to run out of breaths that were already short and a bit raspy.
Halfway across the square, I could tell the shop was dark and empty. The crowd of townspeople was thinning as everyone headed home for their evening meal, or to the tavern for some of Tessa’s roast chicken. I thought of going there next, but the idea of finding Kit with Tessa, eating the meal she’d made for him while she fluttered her eyelashes and tossed her hair like a freshly groomed horse, made me sick all over again.
Instead, I headed home. I was fully prepared to enter into a cold dark house, so when I pushed the door inward and found a fire in the hearth and Kit sipping coffee on the sofa, relief washed over me.
Kit rose as I came the rest of the way in, and I was relieved not to see the piles of journals that had been his constant companions the past few weeks. They were tucked neatly on the shelves beside the fireplace, which made mewonder what he’d been doing in the absence of that activity.
The faint aroma of cooking food wafting from the kitchen answered my question.
“You made dinner,” I said while stripping out of my boots and wet cloak.
He nodded, and I looked him over, finding his clothes changed and his skin scrubbed clean of the soot and grime from his day’s work. His black hair was damp, further signs of a recent bath, and it was all I could do not to go to him and breathe in the piney scent of his soap.
“What is it?” I gave the air another sniff.
“Chicken,” Kit replied, and I barked a bitter laugh.
“Did you season it with herbs from your garden?” I asked, trying to enjoy the irony that eluded Kit entirely.
His brow furrowed. “We don’t have a garden.”
I crept closer, thinking of welcome home kisses and the embrace I’d come to expect, but Kit didn’t budge.
“Not yet,” I agreed. “Come spring, you will. If we’re still here then.”
Quiet descended as we stood, farther apart than I ever wanted to be. Considering all he’d managed to accomplish since I’d seen him last, I may have worried for nothing, but I had to ask.
“Did Tessa make it by to see you?”
“Tessa?” Kit echoed. “No, thank gods. I didn’t have the patience for one more visitor after Otis…”
He trailed off but didn’t miss my eye roll at the mention of the man he’d spent entirely too long poking and peppering with questions while thoroughly ignoring me. I’d never been more grateful for Rosie’s afternoon arrival.
“I’m sorry about that, by the way,” Kit murmured, casting his gaze aside.
“Sorry for what?” I asked, feigning disinterest.
“When you tried to kiss me?—”
“And you threw me on the ground?” I almost felt bad when Kit cringed.
“I was expecting Isla, and then Otis surprised me,” he said. “I didn’t want him to see.”
The confession chafed me. What didn’t he want Otis to see? We weren’t doing anything wrong. It had been an innocent kiss, the kind we frequently shared. The kind Kit usually enjoyed and often instigated.
“What?” I asked. “Why not?”
Kit rolled his shoulders as though burdened by an unseen weight. “He makes me uneasy. I think he may know more about my father than he’s letting on, and hedefinitelyknows things about me that I wish he didn’t. This”—he gestured between us—“is not information I want him to have.”
“Why not?” I repeated more forcefully. I’d been someone’s secret before, a private pleasure and public nuisance. What if that was true with Kit as well? He was plenty affectionate when we were alone, and in front of our recent dinner guests, but that didn’t assuage my doubts.
