Penny remained silent and still while I took several ragged breaths and steeled myself against the admission I’d been dreading for months.
“I lured them here. Orphans, mostly, and kids running the streets, since no one would miss them and come looking. I promised them work, and food, and a place to stay, but he used them as sacrifices. They trusted me, and I brought them here to die. It was his way of punishing me. Either I brought people in for him, or I’d be the one on the altar next, and he’d make it last for days. He’d make sure it hurt.”
My voice broke fully, then, and Penny pushed to his feet and threw his arms around my neck. He pulled me in, crushing me to him with more strength than I thought him capable of.
“I'm sorry, darling,” Penny whispered against my ear. “So sorry.”
The smell of him and the feeling of his body against mine were a balm to my raw emotions. He was familiar, and safe, and so precious to me, and I felt myself slowly relaxinginto his embrace. My head dropped onto his shoulder, and I pressed my face into his neck.
“Why are you sorry for me?” I murmured. “I lived through it. They didn’t get the chance to because of me.”
Penny shook his head and trailed his fingers through my hair. “Not because of you, Kit. You didn’t have a choice. They weren’t the only victims in this.”
I threaded my arms around his waist. “For so long, I’ve thought I was a monster, and I thought if I told you all of this, that you…” It sounded absurd after seeing his reaction, but I couldn’t stop. “Maybe you would think that too. And maybe you couldn’t love a monster.”
“Yourfatherwas the monster,” he replied, “but you are the most beautiful soul I've ever known. You saved my life, Kit. That's who you really are. A rescuer. Protector. The man I love.” Easing back, he cupped my face in his hands and stood on his toes to press a kiss to my forehead. “I adore you, and I still think you’re perfect.”
When he settled flat on his feet, I tipped my head against his and let my eyes slide closed. The weight of shame that had dogged me for over a decade was gone. My chest felt light and, for the first time in years, I could breathe easy.
Penny stayed quiet, and his fingers continued their soothing strokes through my hair until my jaw creaked with a wide yawn. He snickered and bumped his nose against mine.
“I think we should get you into bed before you fall asleep on me.”
He ushered me under the covers, then crawled in beside me. Once we both settled, Penny pressed himself up against my back with his arm snugged around my waist. He gave me a squeeze.
“Thank you for telling me. I want you to trust me with all of you.”
I slid my hand over his and wound our fingers together. “I do. I do trust you, Pen. More than anyone else.”
His sigh tickled the back of my neck. “Good.”
Despite feeling like I could have dozed on my feet a minute before, sleep stayed teasingly out of reach. I let my eyes wander the clear sky outside the window. The moon was low against the clifftop and ringed in an icy halo that promised more snow the next day. Without a single cloud to hide them, the stars seemed all the brighter.
I was too restless to lay still for long. Pinned by Penny’s arm, my movements were limited, but it only took a few minutes of fidgeting and shifting for him to tighten his hold on me.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“Can’t sleep.”
I shivered as his lips brushed against the back of my neck.
“I could wear you out,” he whispered, trailing kisses down and across my shoulder. His hand slipped out of mine and wandered under the hem of my shirt, fingertips tracing up my torso and making my whole body flush hot.
His kisses became more substantial as he peppered them down my neck and the back of my jaw. We were both breathing heavily by the time he shifted his attention to my ear, nipping at the lobe and dragging his hand low over my belly.
I pressed back against him, grinding purposefully against his hardness and eliciting a strangled moan.
His hand slid down, finding my stiff member and cupping it through the fabric of my pants. I let out a groan and pressed forward into his grip.
It wasn’t enough. I needed to touch him, too.
I pushed his arm off my waist and twisted around, watching the heat flare in his eyes as I settled close and left just enough space between us for our hands to maneuver. My fingers traced the shape of him beneath his pants, and he sucked a breath.
“Oh,” he whispered, “that’s nice.”
I grinned. For a man who never had a shortage of things to say, it was something else entirely to see him nearly speechless. But then his hand slipped beneath my waistband and curled around me, and there was no room left to think about anything else. My eyes slid closed as I gave myself over to the bliss of friction while I returned the favor. Moments passed as pleasure overrode the emotional exhaustion of my confession, but it still wasn’t enough. It wasn’t close enough, intimate enough, and I wanted more. Finding the words to explain what I needed felt nearly impossible.
“You said you’d make it good for me,” I finally managed to say, “when I was ready.”
