As Kit spoke, I crept toward him, sliding down the wall and putting distance between myself and my brother.
“Don’t forget the sawblade, Kit.” A smile chased away the last of my fear as I crowded in beside him.
Kit tapped his chin, feigning contemplation. “You’re right, Pen.” He smiled too, though his was far more subdued. Then he fixed Merrick with a look. “Perhaps you would like to be kept abreast ofallmy orders going forward?”
Merrick’s chest swelled in his fanciful robes, ruffling his feathers for an entirely different reason. “That would be fine. Can’t be too careful, can we?”
Kit shook his head. “No, sir.”
I glanced over at Kit, and my stomach fluttered. I wanted to thank him for following me, for intervening, but that would have to wait until my brother wasn’t glowering and so visibly hot I wouldn’t have been surprised if steam started rising from his blond head.
As I relaxed, I’d stopped watching Merrick, but when he scoffed, it was clear he hadn’t given up watching me.
“I see it now,” he said, startling me out of my own thoughts.
I glanced over and found him squinting.
A slow grin spread across his face, full of malice andnot mirth. “Of course.” His laugh jarred me. “I don’t know how I missed it before.”
“Missed what?” I asked.
Merrick flung his hand toward me. “That look on your face. You’re as hopeless as ever.” He chortled a laugh. “He isn’t your champion. You want him for a suitor.”
I recoiled from the truth I couldn’t deny.
Anders had seen it. Likely Rosie, too. I told Kit early on that I was no kind of liar, and I wore my feelings openly. After too many nights lying in bed thinking of how cozy it would be to have Kit nestled beside me, a kiss that ended in explanations and apologies, and countless moments spent wanting to hold onto him or take his hand, I had nothing to show for it.
Because of that, I knew I owed it to Kit to deny it. But I lacked all conviction as I mumbled, “I don’t?—”
“Don’t lie to me, Penwell.” Merrick remained large and overwhelming, bearing down on me with determination I couldn’t hope to match. “I’ve known you too long.” He turned away, his cloak fanning around his legs. “Honestly, I’m relieved. I couldn’t fathom why you stayed here, but it’s simple. You think you’ve found someone who’ll have you.”
He turned up his nose at Kit and me as a weight plummeted into my gut.
“He doesn’tfancyyou, foolish boy,” Merrick sneered. “He’s using you. Gods knew he neededsomethingto convince Levitt to see past what an utter failure he was the last time he was here.” He shook his head and chuckled darkly. “As your brother, though, I feel I should say you needn’t be quite so desperate. Even you could find a better match than him.”
Anger surged anew, so prickly it made me itch. When we were younger and he taunted me, I would tackle him,grab his knees and drag him to the ground. I even bit him once. But I came away from those scuffles worse than I entered them, with a bloodied nose or a busted lip, or my insides bruised like they were now.
I wasn’t a child anymore, despite how determined Merrick seemed to be to treat me like one. I didn’t want Kit to see me as weak or in want of a savior. Or as lovelorn and hopelessly pining, but it may have been too late for that.
I flexed my muscles and fought off the memory of Tessa calling me scrawny as I shouted, “Kit’s a good man!”
Merrick once more pointed an accusatory finger at Kit. “He’s a coward and a traitor, and he’s taking advantage of your ignorance and your”—his lip curled in disgust—“desiresto better his own standing. That farm you care so little about is all that matters to him. He has no use for you without it.”
Doubts piled up so high I thought they might bury me.
About my desires.
About being man enough to be here, to face down my brother, to care for my mother and sister.
About why Kit agreed to shoulder the burden of me into this dangerous place.
I swallowed them down along with a touch of nausea. “I already told you. I asked Kit to bring me here. It wasmyidea?—”
“Did he know about the farm before he agreed?” Merrick cut in.
“I…” A lump stuck in my throat, choking me. I glanced over and found Kit stricken.
When he saw me watching, he swallowed hard. “I would have agreed regardless,” he said, splitting his focus between Merrick and me. He turned fully toward me, almost pleading. “You said you’d give me no peace otherwise,remember?” A wistful look warred with the panic pulling at his features. “You had me suffering for a week.”
