In his absence, I let out a rush of breath and dried my sweating palms on my shirt. I was ready to be home where I could scrub the uneasy itch from my skin and drown my frayed nerves in whiskey.
Luckily, Harlan wasn’t gone long, and he stepped back into the greenhouse with a tin of burn salve in one hand and a dropper bottle of sickly green liquid in the other. He thrust them out to me as soon as he came within arm’s reach.
“Take them and get out of here. I trust you remember how much to take so you don’t kill yourself prematurely?”
“I remember.” I took both items from him and stuffed them into my pockets with shaking hands. “Pleasure doing business, Harlan. I’ll see you around.”
I would have been lying if I said I didn’t take some small pleasure in the look of fear on his face before I turned and headed for home.
The house was silent and empty when I arrived, though I wasn’t surprised. I hadn’t been at the apothecary long, and I could rely on Penny to linger at Rosie’s later than necessary. I considered it a blessing to have a few moments to myself to nurse a mug of whiskey and collapseon the couch to breathe through the panic and disgust twisting my stomach into knots.
The sun sank below the cliffs to the west, and darkness crept over Ashpoint, but there was still no Penny. Even on the rare days when I beat him home, he was always back before full dark, bearing baked goods and new stories to tell over dinner.
The better part of an hour and a half passed after the sun disappeared entirely, and I set aside my whiskey and pulled on my boots to go looking for him. The liquor churned in my stomach and my mind filled with all the worst things that could happen to Penny here. The thought of him being cornered by Merrick, or Anders, or Otis was enough to make me feel sick.
Before I could take my cloak off the hook in the entryway, the door burst open and Penny stumbled in, grinning like a fool.
“Kit! Look!” He held his sketchbook open to a page with drawings of a pile of cats. “Rosie’s cat had kittens, and she let me see them. They’re darling.”
“Where have you been?” I asked, my tone sharp.
Penny’s smile faded. “I just told you?”
I drew a steadying breath. “You’re telling me you sat and watched cats forhours?”
He held up his bag. “…I got groceries, too.”
“And not once did you think that perhaps you should get home before it got this late?” I gestured to the pitch-black outside the windows.
“I was just in town?—”
“Do you not understand how dangerous it is here?” My voice came out as a shout when what little hold I had on my irritation snapped. “These people aren’tnice, Penny! They will smile at your face while they stab you in the back.”
He recoiled. “They seem nice enough to me. Maybe things have changed. You’ve been gone a long time…”
The flicker of fear on his face left me feeling every inch the monster I’d pretended to be with Harlan. I was too much like my father, and I hated everything about it.
I slumped down on the couch and scrubbed my hands over my face. Penny stayed where he was, but I wanted him to sit down too, so I could lean on him like I had after our first night here. Soak up whatever comfort he could offer and maybe give a bit in return. I remembered the weight of his arm around my shoulders, and I wanted to feel that again.
I let out a deep breath before forcing myself to meet his eyes. “You see good in everyone, Penny, and I envy you that. But you don’t know the world like I do. You haven’t seen its darker side. I wish you didn’t have to.”
He set the bag of groceries on the floor and crept over, sinking down beside me with his sketchbook in his lap. “I’m sorry I worried you,” he said.
I sighed and bumped my shoulder against his. “And I’m sorry I yelled. I just… hate leaving you alone here. I don’t trust a single one of them with you.”
He brushed his thumb along the edges of his sketchbook, stained and curling from the dye spilled in the forge earlier. “I’m not a child, you know. Icantake care of myself.”
“I know. But this place makes me uneasy.” I offered an apologetic smile and was relieved to see him relax at the sight. “I’ll try to be better at not taking it out on you in the future.”
I reached out to tug at the cover of his sketchbook. “So, are you going to let me have a better look at your drawing of the kittens?”
His sunny smile made my stomach flip. “You really want to see?”
I wondered what was happening to me as I turned toward Penny and felt the urge to run my fingers through his hair. I remembered how soft it was, like spun silk. Instead, I reached behind him and draped my arm along the back of the couch.
“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t,” I replied.
He grinned again and opened the book, angling it so I could see. His body turned, too, almost nestled in the crook of my shoulder and making me tense. It was a struggle to focus on the drawings with him tucked in so close, and I found myself gripping the top of the couch cushion to anchor my hand in place while he told me about the pattern of Rosie’s cat’s fur and how hard it was to draw the firelight reflecting in her eyes.
