“E-everything…okay?” Seri asked hesitantly.
“Fine.” Severo cleared his throat and held up the round baby monitor as he walked over. “All set up.”
The man placed the monitor on the end table on Seri’s side, before sitting on the bed, one leg folded underneath him, the other hanging off the edge. “So…”
“So…” Seri rasped, before groaning and covering his face. “This is so awkward.”
“A little… I’m nervous.”
Seri’s hands dropped to his lap. “You are?”
“I am.” Severo chuckled, a small smile on his face now.
“Why?”
“Because…” The Dweller scratched his cheek. “Well, honestly, I don’t want to fuck this up.”
“What exactly is this?”
Severo frowned. “I don’t know, but whatever it is, I don’t want to mess it up.”
It shouldn’t have made sense, but it did. Because Seri didn’t want to mess it up either. “Why do you think you’ll do something that’ll mess it up?”
“I doubt whatever this is…is easy for you…after…” Severo rubbed his face. “I don’t want to accidentally hurt you, or add more bad memories. Though, if I’m going to be fully honest, part of me is worried you’ll end up not finding me attractive and…” The man groaned. “I would like to stop talking now.”
Seri snorted. “If anyone should be worried about looks, it’s me. I, unlike you, do not have a six pack. Besides, it's not like I haven’t seen part of what you look like already.”
“You’re beautiful,” Severo said almost defensively.
His face started to heat again. “I’m really not…I have a pouch and stretch marks. I’m sure I’ll be shifting to ‘dad bod’ territory any day now.”
“Seri…you are beautiful. Dad bod or not, I find you beautiful, inside and out. There is nothing you can show me that will make me find you unattractive.”
Seri nibbled his bottom lip. “You haven’t even seen me yet.”
Severo reached out and grasped one of his hands. “I don’t need to see you to know. I’m not so shallow.”
Seri winced. “I didn’t mean to suggest…” He trailed off, looking away.
When the man’s warm hand cupped his face, he leaned into it. Not pulling away, even when Severo made him turn back to look at him.
The Dweller was smiling, that gentle smile of his. “Seri, insecurities aside, how about we just go with the flow and see what happens and what works?”
“I-I don’t want to ruin whatever this is either…but…” He closed his eyes, and the words just seemed to blurt out. “I don’t want to have sex. I’m not ready for that. At least not…penetration…”
“And that is perfectly fine,” Severo said, his voice not sounding mad at all.
He opened his eyes and found the man smiling still. “It is?”
The smile went away, his hands dropping down as Severo’s brows pinched. “Seri, why wouldn’t that be okay?”
“You…you’re not mad that I’m backing out?”
“There is no such thing as ‘backing out’ in sex. You either give consent or you don’t. And consent can be withdrawn at any time, for any reason. Once that consent is gone, it’s just rape, Seri. And if your past partners got mad at you for changing your mind, or saying no, then I’m glad as hell they are in the past, and far away from you, because they were red fucking flags.”
Seri grimaced. He’d like to say he knew that, but…the fact was, the few partners he did have…by Severo’s definition, were ‘red flags’.
He had dated a total of three people. The first two were…he was sad to say, looking back now, they had been losers… But he’d dated them both in the same year…and he’d only been nineteen. It was after the orphanage, and well, he hadn’t had much of a backbone then.
