“Up Dada, pwease.” Tears stung my eyes, threatening to spill as I whined. The deeper I sank into my little space, the harder it became to find the right words. That was the deepest I had eversunk into my little headspace. With Daddy, I was at peace and felt more loved and cared for than I had in a long time. But there was a deep vulnerability that came with being so deep in little space, and even though I knew we were alone, the idea of being away from Daddy while in such a vulnerable state made me want to burst into tears and scream.
Daddy smiled softly, crouched down, and cupped my cheek. “Hey, little one, it’s okay. Why don’t I set up a blanket closer to the kitchen, and you can watch me cook while you color?” My shoulders sagged in relief as Daddy picked me up and grabbed a throw blanket off the back of the couch. “Normally I’d sit you down on the bar stool, but I have a feeling my baby is much too little for that right now, and I don’t want you to fall.”
My first instinct was to protest; I was a big boy, after all. But as I felt the way my body sagged against Daddy, I knew that he was right. My limbs felt light yet harder to control, and I knew Daddy was only suggesting it to keep me safe, so I sighed in agreement and snuggled deeper into his hold.
Daddy placed me on my feet and quickly spread out the blanket on the floor right outside the kitchen, where he could see me, but I wouldn’t be in the way while he cooked. Daddy reached down for the pacifier clipped to my onesie and held it to my lips. “Here suck on this while Daddy grabs everything.” My words were slightly slurred as I replied, but even so, they made Daddy smile. “Otay, Dada. I wait.”
“Thank you, sweet boy.” As Daddy walked away, my hand itched to reach for him, but I told him I’d be good, so instead I ran my fingers over the soft material of the throw blanket, loving theway it felt beneath my fingers. The slightly fuzzy material tickled the tips of my fingers, making me giggle.
“Well, isn’t that the most precious sound I’ve ever heard. What’s got you so happy, little one?”
I sank both of my hands into the fuzzy blanket and swiped them back and forth in a swishing motion. “Dada… it tickles.”
Daddy’s face broke out into a mischievous grin. “Oh, does it? Do you know what tickles even more?” I cocked my head in confusion as Daddy crouched down in front of me and held his hands out, wiggling all his fingers. “The tickle monster!” As soon as the words left his mouth, Daddy’s hands shot out and tickled my tummy through my onesie, making me laugh so hard my paci fell out of my mouth.
I thrashed on the blanket, tears forming in my eyes as I laughed. When Daddy finally stopped, my breathing was heavy, and both of us wore matching smiles. “Dada, dat tickled.” Daddy busted out laughing, his eyes sparkling with affection. “That’s the point, silly boy.”
Once we both stopped laughing and our breathing returned to normal, Daddy placed a few coloring books and a box of crayons in front of me. “Here you go, sweetie. Oh! Can’t forget the most important part.” I turned to look at Daddy, but then immediately squealed when I saw Ember. My butt wiggled in excitement as Daddy handed him to me and ruffled my hair.
“Okay, sweet boy. Daddy needs to get started on lunch. I’ll be right here if you need anything.”
“Otay Dada, Fank you.” Daddy leaned forward and placed a kiss on my forehead and both cheeks, making me giggle. Before hestood to leave, he held my paci out to me, and I didn’t hesitate to wrap my lips around the rubber nipple.
“Good boy.”
Daddy’s praise made me feel like I was floating as I suckled on my paci and looked at the coloring books in front of me. Daddy had chosen one with dinosaurs and one with dragons. I loved dinosaurs too, but when dragons were involved, they always won. I stretched out on my tummy and flipped through the coloring book. When I found a page with a big dragon and a little dragon cuddled together, it made me think of Daddy and me, and I knew that was the one I was going to color for Daddy.
Once I was satisfied with my choice, I dumped the crayons onto the blanket beside me and got to work. In that moment, everything else fell away. All that mattered was coloring my picture for Daddy.
My suckling became more intense as I continued coloring. The rhythmic sucking made my body feel loose and relaxed and helped me stay focused. My whole body wiggled with excitement as my hands flew across the page. I’d chosen the same colors as Ember so that Daddy dragon and Tristan dragon could match with him. I was putting the finishing touches on our dragon when I felt Daddy’s hand pat my lower back.
“Hey, sweet boy. Wait- what’s. Oh.”
My whole body tensed the moment I felt Daddy’s hand on me. Tears welled up and spilled down my cheeks as the realization sank in—I’d been so deep in my little space, so wrapped up incoloring while listening to Daddy in the kitchen, that I hadn’t noticed until it was too late. I’d had an accident.
I thought back to how wiggly I had been, but I’d ignored it, surrendering completely to Daddy’s care. Now dread coiled in my gut. What if he was upset? Diapers were supposed to be a comfort and another way to bond with your caregiver. But what if he didn’t want a little who needed them in case they had an accident.
“shh. It’s okay, sweet boy. You had an accident. But it’s okay, we’re gonna get you all cleaned up, and everything will be okay.”
I sat up, my face contorting with disgust as I felt my wet clothes underneath me. My chest heaved as I sniffled into my sleeve and wiped my snot and tears, not caring since Daddy will have to change me anyway. “You’re not mad?”
Daddy’s face softened, his eyes full of understanding and care. “No, sweetie, I’m not mad because you did nothing wrong. It’s perfectly normal for little boys to have accidents.”
My eyes widened, and my mouth formed an O shape. “It is?” Daddy smiled and tucked a wild curl behind my ear. “Yes, sweet boy. Some little boys who sink deep into a younger headspace have trouble controlling their bladders. That means Daddy gets to diaper you and help you get all clean.”
The initial panic had brought me out of my little headspace, but Daddy’s reassurance and the discomfort of my wet clothes had me careening back into my little space. Daddy was going to take care of everything, and I wanted nothing more than to let him. “Dada, I icky.”
Daddy gasped in shock, his face looking horrified as his eyessearched over me in concern. “Oh, my poor sweet boy has been attacked.”
I giggled at Daddy’s theatrics, but my little side was coming out full force, and I loved his silliness. “I wasn’t tacked, Dada, I went pee and made a mess.”
Daddy shook his head and hummed thoughtfully, “I don’t think so, sweetie.” he leaned forward and whispered in my ear. “You see, I’m an undercover detective, and I’ve been searching for our culprit for years, and I’m sorry, but I think you are his most recent victim.”
I scrambled backwards in shock, but my worries eased when I saw the mirth twinkling in Daddy’s eye. We were playing a game.
“Oh no. What’s his name?”
Daddy shook his head and sighed. “I’m sorry to say this, but you’ve been attacked by the most ruthless, sneakiest monster known to all little ones. His name is The Sog Monster.”
