I swallow hard. The truth is, I’ve missed it too, but I’m not going to give in to the feeling. It’ll only make this more difficult.
The elevator doors open—finally—and I rush out. “Let’s just keep walking,” I barely manage to get out.
“Okay. But where are you going to take these bags?”
I bite the inside of my cheek. His question is a painful reminder that even if I manage to keep walking, I have no idea where I’ll go. Maybe I should just go back to the station, board a train, and see if my mother can help me, although I’m not sure if that’s a good idea. “I don’t know yet.”
A brief silence falls between us, one that feels loaded. It makes me wonder whether Cody will offer me his couch or something out of guilt. The thought alone makes me cringe. No, I don’t want him to offer me a place to stay because he pities me. That’s worse than having him just rip the band-aid off and dump me.
“You could um... take them to my house,” he eventually says softly.
It’s just as I thought; he’s offering his place out of pity. I scoff at him. “You don’t want that.”
“I do.”
“No, you don’t.”
Cody sighs, picks up his step, and places himself in front of me, blocking my path. His frown has deepened, telling me that this also weighs heavily on him. “Luc, just listen to me, okay? I want you. I’ve wanted you all along. I acted like an asshole today.”
“Oui,” I say softly, simply because I can’t stop myself. But there’s no stopping the way my heart flutters when I hear him say he still wants me. Damn my stupid, treacherous body...
“I’m sorry about everything I said, baby. I was just surprised. Until a few days ago,myheart was broken because you left me,and suddenly you were asking me to marry you. It’s all very fast, and I’m still trying to understand but...” His voice breaks just slightly. “It makes me wonder... is that really what you want?”
No, I won’t admit it, that will only lead to more pain. I decide to lie to him, except the problem is that I can’t do that without avoiding his gaze. “No.”
“If you can look at me when you say that, I’ll leave. I promise.”
I refuse to meet his gaze, and he refuses to budge. It looks like we’re going to be here for a while, standing by the entrance of my friend’s apartment building with my belongings packed into heavy bags. My shoulder is already aching from the band cutting into the skin, but compared to the pain inside me, it’s nothing.
“Luc, tell me you don’t want me, and I’ll leave. But I need you to look at me when you say it because I love you and I want to be with you.”
I shake my head. “No you don’t. You told me you only said yes to my proposal because my father was there.”
“I shouldn’t have said that. It caught me off guard, and I regret what I said to you. I love you and I’ll prove it.” For reasons unknown to me, he starts rummaging through his pants pocket. “You showed me you’re ready to take the next step, so I’ll do the same. Put your hand out.”
He pulls something from his pocket—I can’t see what it is. His hand is clenched in a fist, hanging by his side, and it looks like he’s holding something. Does he have something to give to me? Clueless as to what it could be, I simply do as he says, putting my hand out, palm open. He presses something into it.
“This is the key to my house. It’s the only one I have on me right now, which means that I can’t enter my own house without you. I hope this proves that I trust you. Also, you don’t have to return it. I want you to come live with me.”
My mouth falls open as I stare at the silver key Cody gave me. “Are you serious?”
“Yes. We can live there until we’re ready to move to France... where we’ll get married.”
My mind is spinning. I don’t know what to think, and I’m scared to let myself believe it’s all true. For a while, I remain silent, conflicted about what to do. In France, where we’ll get married, he said. Deep down, that is what I want.
I stare at him for several seconds, debating whether I’ll give him another chance. Ultimately, I decide to trust him just a little bit. If this were anyone else but Cody, I’d be long gone, but it’s already been proven that he’s the one person in the world I have difficulty staying away from.
“Okay, I’ll go with you,” I tell him, keeping my guard up. “And I’ll move in with you, but if I think you’re doing this out of pity even for a second, I’m out. I’ll leave in the middle of the night and go somewhere you can’t find me. You’ll never see me again, understand? I don’t want your sympathy.”
“Luc, I—”
“That’s the deal, okay?”
Cody’s jaw clenches and unclenches. “Okay, but don’t run because you’re scared, please. I’m not doing this out of pity.”
I give him a brief nod before readjusting the bag strap on my shoulder. “Let’s go, then.”
The cold metal of Cody’s key digs into my palm. I must say, it’s a good indication of trust on his end. I’m interested to see how this will play out.
