I sit on my couch, thinking about Luc and my life here, the minutes slowly ticking away. Things probably aren’t going to get easier anytime soon. I’m busy keeping up appearances, mostly at my demanding workplace. Tomorrow, at sevena.m., my alarm clock will mercilessly go off and wake me, if I’m even sleeping then. I’ll be forced to go through another day, pretending nothing is wrong, acting like I know exactly what I’m doing, when in fact I have no idea.
I’m completely ignoring my phone now, feeling embarrassed about my inability to send even a simple text message. That’s why it surprises me when my phone suddenly lights up and buzzes loudly beside me, shaking the table slightly in the process. I look at it and read the name on the screen.
Luc, it says... At least that means he’s still capable of calling and not lying in a gutter somewhere, frozen. That’s good. But then what could this possibly be about? He said we’d see each other tomorrow, so why is he calling now? For a moment, I’m conflicted. Am I going to answer... or not?
Chapter 18: Luc
It’s evening, and I’m back at my father’s house. I’m lying in my bed, which was a challenge to get into. I can only hope I don’t have to pee during the night, especially not urgently, because I don’t think I’d make it to the bathroom in time. It’s a depressing thought that reminds me of the places I’d rather be. At the top of that list is Cody’s bedroom, no question. I’d give anything to be with him, comfortably in his arms and completely forgiven. Or, better yet, if I’d never left him to begin with. That would be so great.
In second place, despite everything, is Maxime’s spare bedroom. I may not especially like Maxime right now, feeling like they screwed me over, but I liked that apartment. I called it my home for the past eight months. It certainly felt cozier than this place. I had forgotten how small my bedroom is and how bleak everything looks, including the white ceiling I’m currently staring at without seeing it.
A beige blanket covers me as I reflect on today’s events. Man, what a day it was. I can’t believe it was only this morning that Maxime told me I had to move out. It’s evening now, but still early, around nine thirty p.m. I haven’t heard from them yet, but maybe later tonight I’ll receive a message asking me where I am. If that happens, I’m not sure if I’ll respond. I’m still pissed at them. Okay, so I could have stayed until Saturday, but what’s the point? Those three days aren’t going to change anything, and at least I’m sure I can stay here with my dad. Whereas Maxime might change their mind anytime if their hookup decides to show up early, whoever that person is. I’ll still need to pick up my stuff from their apartment, but that’s a problem for later.
With no message from Maxime or anyone else, my surroundings are awfully quiet, making the room feel eerie. I’mlonely, and only one thing can fix it: I need someone to talk to. I long to hear a friendly voice, and I know exactly who I want it to be. My only hope is that he’s willing to speak to me again.
Without much further thought, as I’ve had my share of that today, I press his name in my phone and click the “call” button. The dial tone that follows feels both comforting and heavy. I look forward to hearing his voice, but what if he sees my name and decides not to pick up? Or what if he’s already asleep? It’s taking a long time for him to answer, or is that only my imagination?
To my relief, he finally picks up and doesn’t sound sleepy. But I can tell he’s surprised.
“Hey, Luc, it’s pretty late. Is something wrong?”
His voice carries a tension that can’t be missed, perhaps even a hint of annoyance, but still, he picked up. I’m so glad he did, and can’t help but smile a little. How stupid was I to let him go? I’ve been so miserable without him. I only hope I can win him back before it’s too late.
“No, nothing’s wrong,” I reply, smiling like a teenager with a crush, absent-mindedly playing with the corner of the blanket. “It’s just been a long day, and I wanted to hear your voice. It’s nice.”
He sniffs softly, his tone lightening. “You think my voice is nice?”
“I think everything about you is nice, Cody. Your voice, the way you talk to me, your beard, your strong arms... I mean, I could go on, but it would become sexual.”
“Yeah, maybe don’t go there,” he replies, and I try to press my disappointment down before he catches on to it. “Luc, where are you right now?” he asks. “Didn’t you say you were kicked out of your apartment?”
I nod, even though he can’t see it. “I was. I used to live at Maxime’s place, who you met at the club, but not anymore.”
“Why?” Cody asks, sounding suspicious. “What did you do?”
I don’t know why he’s making it sound like it’s my fault, and I become defensive.”Nothing! I got no notice whatsoever. Maxime kicked me out because they needed the space for a hookup or something. It was pretty rude.”
Cody’s tone evens out, sounding measured. “Okay... so where are you staying now?”
I clench my jaw, glaring at my surroundings. “My father let me move back in with him,” I reply, not sounding grateful in the slightest. Part of me knows I should be, I just haven’t figured out how yet.
Cody seems to see right through me. “And are you happy with that?”
I can tell he already knows I’m not. “No, I’d much rather be with you, but we agreed I wouldn’t ask anything from you. I’ll deal with it, and in the meantime, I’ll come by your house every day and tell you how sorry I am and how great I think you are. As long as I need to until you forgive me.”
There’s a long silence on the other end of the line. When Cody finally speaks again, his voice sounds a little strangled. “You know, that’s the first time you told me you’re sorry.”
“It is?”
“Yes.”
“Do you want me to say it again?”
“I kind of do.”
“Alright. I’m sorry I hurt you, Cody. Truly.”
He lets out a soft breath, sounding relieved. “Thank you, Luc. I appreciate that.”
