Oh, there’s no doubt about why I’m here. I want him back, but I don’t know how to tell him that, don’t know where to start. And of course, as a result, I say the worst possible thing.
“I’ve been kicked out ofmyapartment, and—”
He cuts me off, looking unimpressed, unsurprised even, that I would only come to his house because I need his help. I can’t even blame him, but I must say, it stings. “So, what? You need money or something?”
“No,” I reply, trying to keep my voice steady. “But things have been rough, and I missed you. I need you.”
“So, what did you expect, that I’m just going to let you in?”
“Oui. Maybe?”
He scoffs at me, the sound hurtful. “Are you kidding me?! I told you I was falling in love with you, and you ghosted me! Why should I want anything to do with you?”
Hang on... That wasn’t sincere, was it? I thought it was just something he said in the heat of the moment. I didn’t dare to believe he was actually falling in love with me. “Wait, you meant that?”
“Of course I did. What the hell did you think?”
“I thought it was something you said to everyone you have sex with... Like, another kink, as you call it.”
He scoffs again and shakes his head. “No, I don’t have a kink for that. I said it because it’s true. But it doesn’t matter now.”
I don’t know what’s come over me, butmyinsides are buzzing, and I can feelmycontrol slipping away. He loves me... I didn’t want to see it before, but I believe it now. I can see it in his eyes.
In an act of desperation, I step toward him, crossing the threshold of his house without even realizing it. On impulse, he steps back and stares at me wide-eyed, but he doesn’t stop me.“Yes, it does. Nothing else matters, Cody. I need you. I want another chance with you. Just one more.”
“What, and have you ghost me again? I can’t handle that a second time.”
“I’m not going to ghost you.” I reach out to touch him, but he moves away just slightly. Defeat fills me, and I let my arm fall, trying not to let the feeling take hold. I told myself I’d give it my all, so I have to keep talking.
“I’ve kissed plenty of guys before you. I’ve lost count of how many. But I never felt anything would come from it, like it would immediately end after one kiss. But it feels different with you. It has ever since we met. It took me some time to understand and to come to terms with that, but I realize it now. You’re it for me. I don’t want to leave again, so let me be with you.”
He shakes his head, automatically breaking my heart with it. “No.”
“No?”
“You don’t get off that easy, Luc. Are you really surprised?”Yes, I answer inside my head. I might be stupid for it, but yes. Part of me believed this would be enough. When I don’t respond, he has his answer. “Oh, you actually are surprised.” I can see him swallow. “Then tell me, what would you do in my situation? If I screwed you over instead?”
There’s only one truthful answer to that. “I would pretend I never knew you, after telling you I never want to do anything with you again.”
“My point exactly. So, what would it take for you to forgive me? If you were me?”
“A lot.”
“And that’s what I expect from you, Luc: a lot. You disappeared without a trace, acted like I didn’t matter. You need to give me something, for a start.”
I nod. This is worth the effort. “Okay, how’s this? I’ll give you my number like you asked, and the next time you go to the cake shop, I’ll be there. I promise.”
He raises his eyebrow. “Not good enough.”
My breath catches in my throat at those stern words. I feel a little pathetic right now. At times, when we were in his bedroom, I felt like I was the one in charge. I definitely don’t anymore.
“Okay, I’ll give you my number and... you don’t have to come to the store. Instead, I’ll be here tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after, proving that I’m serious. I won’t ask anything from you. How’s that?”
His expression lightens somewhat. “Better.”
“Okay then.” Some of my tension fades, and we exchange numbers—something I should have done the day I met him.
When I have his number safely saved on my phone, waiting for the first time I’ll use it, I say, “À demain, Cody.”
