Laughing turns into cackling behind her, and her form morphs into his. Then he’s got me by the throat, and his other hand grabs my arm, yanking me up, twisting my shoulder. Everything explodes in a burst of pain, and I inhale a sharp breath as I wake up.Again.
I’m sweating this time, panting, and staring up at the ceiling, my right arm pushed up against the wall. Every breath reminds me of the ache in my back and chest, and I screw my eyes shut and groan as I turn gingerly onto my side, facing away from Alex. I lie there for a few minutes until I feel myself slipping back into that awful dream. Then I force my eyes open partway, hoping that might keep me awake.
If I tilt my head just right, I can see out through the slats covering the window above me. The blackness of night has started to give way to morning, weak light filtering in from the rising sun.
I’ve never watched a sunrise.
Not that I’m going to drag myself out of bed right now to do it. But maybe... someday.
I let my eyes close, imagining it. The sunrise. I’m sitting at the river, at our spot. Alex sits behind me, his arms wrapped around me and his chin resting on my shoulder as I lean back into him. Out across the water to the east, over the tops of the trees, the sky turns lighter—first a deep orange that grows more vibrant as the sun inches over the horizon, then pinks and yellows that slowly melt away into bright blue.
I wish I could dream aboutthiswhen I sleep.
“Alex?” My voice sounds hoarse, and it’s too quiet; there’s no way he heard me. I clear my throat and scoot away from the wall a few inches. “Alex?” I say again, a little louder.
There’s a gentle shift behind me, and I hold my breath, trying to keep my heart from jumping.
“Hmm? Yeah? Yeah, what is it?”
“Hold me?” I swallow hard. “Please.”
It’s just a couple of seconds, just long enough probably for him to process what I said, and then the bed moves again. A cold shiver courses through me, but I fight against the unwelcome warning, reminding myself where I am and who’s here with me. Even still, when his fingertips graze lightly along my upper arm under the comforter, I can’t stop myself from flinching.
He pulls his hand back.
“Please,” I beg again. If I could move, I’d scoot back into him. I’d turn and grab his hand and pull it back around me. But I can’t do that.
“You’re sure?” he asks.
“Yes.”
“Okay.”
He tries again, and I react in the same way, my body jerking away involuntarily at his touch. He doesn’t pull back this time, though, and he slowly inches up behind me, his hand caressing down my forearm now with the most gentle touch.
I muffle a sob into my pillow, and as my body starts shaking, Alex’s warmth surrounds me, his chest pressing up against my back and his arm wrapping around my midsection, holding me to him carefully but tightly.
It’s exactly what I need.
“I’m here,” he whispers. “I’m here.”
His lips press into my bare shoulder, and I sob again. It doesn’t hurt—his kiss on my shoulder. I just feel so fucking lost. Andexhausted. And I’m still terrified, even though I know I’m safe now.
Patrick’s angry, cold words from yesterday echo in my head, and my heart slams to a stop as I see him coming toward me, threatening and intentional and vengeful.
Fuck.
I move my hand to cover Alex’s on my stomach.Thathurts—the movement sending another of those sharp pains outward from my shoulder. But Ineedto touch him, because I need that to remind me. To ground me. To anchor me in the here and now.
“Please,” I choke out.
I don’t even know what I’m asking for.
He probably doesn’t either, but his lips stay touching my shoulder, and his hand drifts lightly back and forth across my stomach, soothing me.
“I’m here. Breathe,” he says softly, and I shudder and do as he says, taking a long, slow, deep breath. “Good. Again.”
Minutes pass. He holds me and talks to me and touches me, everything careful, gentle, and tender.
