Rye’s hand slipped into his, and Jake pulled his eyes away from the veil of clouds to glance down at his boyfriend.
“Ready?” Rye asked, a soft eagerness in his eyes.
Jake couldn’t answer right away, and instead, he looked back out to the water, barely visible through the fog. He started forward toward the patio railing andwas relieved when Rye followed him, their hands still joined. His steps felt slow and uneven, but not because he was still hurting or because his leg ached.
He could do this.Theycould do this. Right?
With a nervous breath, Jake stopped just before the railing, and he looked down. The beach—hisbeach—stretched out below, waves lapping gently along the shoreline. It was fifty-three stairs away. That was all. Just fifty-three stairs. Then... freedom.
He let his eyes follow the arc of shore to the south until it disappeared into the fog. Beyond stood the tall, rocky cliffs of the coastline, towering over the beach. He wanted this to work. Desperately so. He wanted to conquer those fifty-three steps and then set out to do that one-mile walk that used to be a part of his daily routine. Rain or shine, hot or cold, foggy or clear.
“Jake,” Rye whispered.
“Hmm?”
“Can I hug you?”
His heart fluttered, a warmth that had nothing to do with the growing sunlight behind them spreading into his chest. He turned to face Rye, who stepped in front of him at the same time.
“Of course,” he answered, his voice thick with emotion. And he expected Rye’s arms to slip around his waist and for Rye to settle his head on Jake’s shoulder. But instead, Rye’s hands came up to rest low on Jake’s chest, pale fingers pressing into the thick material of his dark wool sweater. And Rye looked up at him, his gaze full of affection and optimism.
His smile wasn’t huge, but it held a hope that Jake could just feel.
“You’re beautiful,” Jake murmured, and he lifted one hand and slowly, gently ran the back of his fingers along Rye’s jawline. Rye closed his eyes at the touch, sighing softly.
The sound was also beautiful.
Jake leaned forward, bending down just enough until his forehead touched Rye’s, and then he, too, closed his eyes, holding himself still as a new wave of emotion swept through him.
I love you.
It was so real. So suddenly real and there, and he wanted to say it out loud, to say the words to Rye and to hug him and kiss him and promise him... promise him safety and care and affection forever. For always.
I love you.
Rye sighed again, even softer this time, and his fingers pressed into Jake’s chest as Jake let his arms wrap around his boyfriend.
“Mmm, so...” Rye pulled back, and Jake did, too, straightening up and glancing out past Rye to the stairs.
“So, I... I’m ready,” Jake said, and for the first time in a long time, maybe he even believed it.
Rye took his hand and squeezed gently. “Do you want me to go first?”
That was a good question. One he probably should have been thinking about already and one he should probably have the answer to.
Swallowing hard, he turned to face the stairway down to the beach, and despite all his semblance of optimism, a familiar and uncomfortable swoop of his stomach had him clenching his jaw. “I, um, I’m not sure,” he admitted, his voice wavering. “Maybe?”
“Let’s try that,” Rye suggested, and he gave Jake’s hand another encouraging squeeze and started leading them over to the stairs. Rye’s thumb rubbed distractingly back and forth across Jake’s skin, and he started to talk quietly, his words floating around in the dense air surrounding them. “So next week, I’m planning to do an origami project with the book club kids. Do you remember the first little paper birds I made when we were on our way home from Reno?”
They’d reached the top step, the first one. The one Jake couldn’t ever overcome. And he let his eyes follow the steps down. They seemed to stretch out forever, endless. An endless fifty-three steps.
“The first one was really bad, but the second was better.”
“Huh? Oh, um, yeah.” Jake shook himself and pulled his eyes away from the stairs to look at Rye, trying to process Rye’s words. “Yeah, yeah, I remember. The second one was good. The kids... they’ll love that project, I think.”
Rye smiled softly up at him, and Jake held his gaze for a second. “I’ve never made it past here,” he said, shame creeping up the back of his neck.
“It’s okay. We can go slowly. I’m actually—this is a lot of steps. You used to do this every day?”
