“Yeah.” He blinked his eyes back open and stared at the glass of water in Jake’s hands.
Jake wasn’t broken. Rye had never thought Jake was broken. He just... endured. Sometimes in a little pain. Sometimes in a lot of pain. If only Rye could think of himself in the same way, maybe... maybe he could heal. Someday.
“Maybe... I’m not broken,” he said. “Maybe I just need help... turning on the light sometimes.”
Jake murmured an agreement, and then Rye felt the light pressure of Jake’s cheek resting on top of his head. It was more comfort and warmth, and he breathed deeply and closed his eyes one more time.
Maybe hewouldbe able to sleep tonight.
And maybe, just maybe, he’d be able to kiss his boyfriend tomorrow.
A real kiss this time.
Chapter Fifty-Seven
Jake
Jake’sexerciseroutinetooka bit longer than usual the next morning, partly because he was stiff from the cold, rainy weather and partly because he was distracted.
Quite distracted.
Rye had decided to join him, and the whole time, Jake had been having trouble concentrating. He found every little thing intriguing—from the way Rye stuck his tongue out in concentration as he pushed through the single-leg squats to the way his messy blond hair fell over his face when he lowered his head during the two-minute-long plank. And then there were other reasons too. Other not-so-innocent reasons.
Rye seemed to have some sort of plan or something for the morning, and Jake wasn’t sure he was going to survive it. Three times already, Rye had touched Jake’s hand—that same spot he’d kissed yesterday—and each time, he’d looked up at Jake with a question in his eyes, almost like he was askingWhat did it feel like?
By the time they finished all of Jake’s regular exercises, he was brimming with some energy that felt new and different. He pushed himself up to sit against the wall and motioned for Rye to join him, and Rye did, scooting up next to him and curling against Jake’s side, his head settling right in the crook of Jake’s shoulder.
“Maybe I should make breakfast while you do your PT stuff?” Rye suggested after a moment.
Jake hummed noncommittally and tightened his arm around Rye’s shoulder.
Rye chuckled. “Or I can stay here. This is comfortable.”
“It is,” Jake agreed, turning to rest his cheek on top of Rye’s head. Then Jake lowered his free hand to his left thigh, and Rye’s almost immediately joined his, their fingers intertwining in the now-familiar touch. They just sat there in the warm silence for a few minutes, neither of them too keen on moving.
It felt good, safe,comfortable. Hell, even Jake’s leg, which had been bothering him a bit during a few of the exercises, seemed less achy. Or it was his distraction at work again.
He let his thumb rub back and forth along Rye’s skin, and Rye sighed contentedly, the sound sending heat into Jake’s chest and... lower. With a sharp inhale, Jake cleared his throat and straightened up a bit, glancing out the wall of windows on the ocean-facing side of the room looking for somethingelseto distract him.
“It looks like the rain stopped, maybe?” he said, and he felt Rye nod against him.
“I was outside a bit earlier, before you were up. No rain. Just the fog. And it’s not too cold, either. Actually, what do you think about going on a walk this morning? Down on your beach, I mean. Would it be too hard for you today? For your leg?”
The pleasant feeling that had been building in his chest morphed into something not so pleasant, and Jake swallowed hard and closed his eyes. “Um, I’m not sure,” he said.
And that wasn’t true at all. Yeah, his leg was achy, but that wasn’t the reason for his hesitation. Nausea roiled in his stomach, hot in an uncomfortable way, and he frowned, about to backtrack on his fib. But Rye squeezed his hand lightly.
“Maybe we can give it a try after you do your PT exercises. And after we eat breakfast, I mean. I’d love to see your beach, and I bet the fog will be starting to lift by then.”
“Ah, um, yeah, I . . .”
Rye had been having trouble speaking the night before, but he seemed like he had all the words he needed this morning, because he kept going, even as Jake’s stomach continued to churn.
“I can’t believe it’s been a whole year—more than a year, actually—and I’ve never been down there. I mean, um, not since that night. It’s so beautiful from up here. I bet it’s even better—”
“Yeah,” Jake cut in, and he coughed and shook his head. “Um, I...”
Rye twisted and looked up at him, the clear enthusiasm in his expression turning quickly to concern. “What is it?” he asked, his eyes searching Jake’s.
