Rye followed Jake, listening carefully to each of his instructions, and together, they completed the rest of Jake’s exercise circuit. The whole time, that feeling of peace stayed with Rye, especially when he “accidentally” brushed his fingers against Jake’s more than once. And the whole time, Rye kept thinking about how grateful he was for Jake’s friendship and for whatever else there was between them.
Because whatever it was, it made him feel like maybe he’d be okay after all. Maybe he wasn’t too broken, or maybe, even if he was, Jake didn’t seem to mind.
Chapter Fifty-Three
Jake
Jakedrovejustbelowthe speed limit along the winding mountain highway. They were maybe a half hour or so from home, though they’d planned to stop at the general store first so Rye could see his mom. She didn’t get off work until late—after nine—and she wanted to see Rye sooner rather than later.
The drive had been pleasant, mostly. They’d made a few stops along the way—once at a gas station and then twice more just at scenic spots along the route so they could get out of the car. Rye had insisted that they walk a bit, and Jake hadn’t complained, especially when Rye had taken his hand as they’d walked.
He glanced sideways at Rye, who was sitting with his chin resting on his hand, staring out the window. His other arm was tucked around his midsection, and his shoulders looked tight and tense. He’d been quiet a lot of the drive, and when Jake had asked if he wanted to talk, Rye had shaken his head. Something was obviously bothering him, though, and Jake had a guess as to what it might be.
Well, he had two guesses actually.
In reality, it was probably a combination of the two. And if he was right, Jake understood why Rye wouldn’t be so keen to talk, which was fine, of course. Only, if hewasright, Jake also didn’t want to chance making Rye uncomfortable again with an unwanted touch, like he had unknowingly the night before.
Tentatively, he shifted his left hand on the steering wheel and then reached out to set his other hand, palm up, on the center console, craving some of the closeness they’d shared early that morning. He kept his eyes ahead on the road, but when Rye’s hand slipped into his, his heart nearly leapt in his chest and he had to fight the overwhelming urge to lift Rye’s hand to his lips, to place a soft kiss on Rye’s knuckles.
God, all these new feelings and sensations . . .
He only wished he knew what Rye was feeling and how to navigate everything.
“Sorry I’ve been quiet,” Rye said, breaking Jake’s train of thought. Something like shame in Rye’s voice made Jake shake his head.
“No, it’s fine. I never mind when it’s quiet,” he reassured, and he squeezed Rye’s hand. “I just like this.” He lifted their joined hands slightly.
“I do too.” He felt Rye shift in his seat. “But I mean... um, sorry I didn’t want to talk earlier. It’s... it’s just that there’s a lot on my mind. And it’s all... not happy stuff. I’ve been thinking about Arizona too much. I’m... scared, a-and trying not to be. But...”
Fear seemed to shiver through Rye and into Jake, and he imagined young Rye, how terrified he must have been, how much Raymond Hirsh must have hurt him. Jake wanted to just push the thoughts away, but they wouldn’t go.
God, how devastating it must be to Rye to get such an unwanted reminder that that awful, disgusting man was still out there, along with the terrifying news that he was stalking a new victim.
And Rye hadn’t gotten a chance to talk about it—if he even could or wanted to. Maybe in the car wasn’t really the best place to talk, either, especially if things got emotional, which they were bound to.
“You’re amazing and brave to have been able to do what you did yesterday after that news,” Jake said softly. He squeezed Rye’s hand and was glad when Rye didn’t pull away. “I’m here to listen if you want to talk about it—or about anything. But it’s also fine if you’re not ready yet.”
When he glanced briefly at Rye, he saw Rye’s eyes closed, his chin dropped and a single tear slipping down his cheek. Rye quickly pulled his hand away from Jake’s and wiped it away.
“I-I keep thinking that if—if he steals another child, if he does that before the police can find him—” His voice became so small that he couldn’t seem to finish his sentence, and he pulled his feet up to the seat and wrapped both of his arms around his knees. “S-sorry,” he stuttered. “Sorry I’m so scared. I’m... I’m not as brave as you think.”
Jake wished they weren’t driving, because all he really wanted to do in that moment was gather Rye up in his arms and kiss his forehead and hold him—to show him just how loved he was, remind him just how strong he was, and promise him Jake wouldn’t let anything hurt him. Especially not Raymond Hirsh. But he couldn’t do all of that right then, and he worried his words wouldn’t be enough. So instead, he kept driving for a few minutes, silently, as all the things he really wanted to say and do swirled around and around in an unorganized mess of incomplete thoughts in his head.
He made a turn as they got even closer to town, moving his free hand back to the steering wheel, then he took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “You’reright. You’re not as brave as I thought. You’re even braver. And even stronger,” he said, hoping his conviction came through in his words. “I’m amazed by you, every single day, and how you’ve handled yourself the last couple of days, what you were able to accomplish, even under the circumstances, has been no exception to that.”
From the corner of his eye, he saw Rye shake his head. “No, n-no... no, if I was that strong, I wouldn’t have been sitting here worrying the whole drive about what happens when you drop me off at home. I wouldn’t be—I wouldn’t be—”
Rye shook his head once more as his hands flew up to cover his mouth, like he’d said something he wasn’t allowed to say. A soft, strained whimper escaped him, the sound tugging at Jake’s heart, and again, Jake had the urge to pull over and hug Rye and prove to him just how strong and brave he really was.
But he couldn’t do that right now. There wasn’t really any safe place to pull over, and he wasn’t one hundred percent sure Rye would welcome any touch right now anyway.
So instead, he tried to find the right words.
“It’s okay. You’re safe,” he started. “You’re safe here with me, and you’re allowed to say whatever’s on your mind. Or you don’t have to talk. That’s fine, too.” Jake glanced over very briefly, needing to keep his eyes on the road, but also needing to see whether Rye had responded nonverbally. But as far as Jake could tell, Rye hadn’t moved except to lower his hands back to his knees. So Jake continued, doing the best he could to try to reassure Rye. “You don’t need to worry, either. You can always come to my place instead of going home, or I can stay with you until your mom’s off work. Whichever you prefer. It doesn’t make you any less strong or any less brave to not want to be alone. Anytime, really, but especially right now.”
He thought he saw some movement, and he definitely heard a big sigh, and when he risked another quick glance at Rye, he was rubbing his eyes.
“You’re right,” Rye said, and although his voice was hesitant and unsure, he smiled weakly. “Thank you.”
