Part of him began to panic, the feeling inching over his skin like an awful, cold darkness. And the other part of him—the part that could still feel the rough material of his jeans under his palms and hear the hum of the engine as Jake started his car—that part of him suddenly got really, really angry.
Angry at it all.
Angry at what had happened to him.
Angry that now he couldn’t even seem to just have thisone day.
He’d done so well; he’d managed, with Jake’s help, to keep himself together the whole time they’d watched Phil compete and even during the awards ceremony, when they’d had to be in a much smaller space with all the other people around. But now, it was starting to hurt.
And he wasn’t even sure why.
His left hand tightened into a fist, and he pressed down again, harder now, as he brought his right hand up and gripped his opposite arm.
“J-Jake?”
Where was Jake? Why wasn’t he trying to talk to Rye? Was he alone here? What if—what if—
“Hey, hey, Rye, yeah, I’m here,” a gentle voice said from next to him. “Sorry, I was thinking about something, and I got distracted. But everything’s okay. You’re okay. I mean, are you okay?”
He wanted tofeelthat it was Jake, to know for sure that it was Jake there with him, but he couldn’t bring himself to open his eyes and look. Because if it wasn’t—
“Rye, hey, shh, you’re okay. You’re safe. Careful that you don’t hurt yourself now, okay?”
Soft fingers lightly brushed against his where he gripped his arm, and Rye’s whole body shuddered with relief.Jake.Itwasjust Jake. And he was safe. And... god,why? Why had everything been fine and then nothing at all had set him off?
He loosened the hold he had on his upper arm and let out a long, deep breath, nodding. “S-sorry,” he stuttered. “Sorry.”
“Shh, no, it’s okay.” Jake’s hand settled over his left one where it sat on his thigh, the touch spreading some comfortable warmth all the way up his arm, chasing away the cold and the dark and the anger. “Today was a lot for you. And you did so great. It was amazing. I’m... I’m proud of you, and I had such a good time hanging out with you today. And Phil was so happy to have you there, you have no idea. That kid loves you, Rye.”
Rye’s eyes were still closed, but he laughed lightly and dropped his chin down to his chest. He’d had a good time too. He tried to make the words come, to tell Jake that, but his throat hurt, and he couldn’t seem to speak.
“It’s okay, Rye. I think... I understand,” Jake said quietly, squeezing Rye’s hand.
More of that comforting warmth spread up his arm, and he exhaled again, slower this time, feeling some more of the tension leave him.
“I think you worked so hard for the last few hours, trying to keep yourself calm and everything.” Jake’s hand left Rye’s, and Rye almost protested because it took that wonderful warmth with it, but he still couldn’t say anything. Jake continued. “Now, when it’s just you and me, and you don’t have to hold yourself together anymore, all of that effort from the whole day... kinda overwhelmed you all at once?”
That sounded about right. And awful. And he just wanted to forget about it, to have it be over and for him to feel okay again, like he had earlier. He blinked his eyes open to the bright sunlight and then bit his lower lip.
Next to him, Jake sighed. “Ah, I mean, I don’t know. Maybe I’m wrong. I’m just... doing my best here. But, Rye, I’m so proud of you. And I had such a good time today. Thank you for coming with me.”
Rye forced himself to keep taking measured breaths as his heart steadied itself. And he set both hands on his thighs again, lightly this time and with his palms open.
I hada good time too.
I wish we could get ice cream now, but I think I need to go back to the hotel.
God, how he wished he could just talk. How he wished he could say what he needed, communicate with his friend, tell his friend how nice the day had been.
But he couldn’t.
And yet, he didn’t really have to anyway, because Jake just knew. Somehow.
“You know,” Jake started, “I bet that TV in the living room has got all the streaming platforms on it. The one in my bedroom does. There’s this new documentary I’ve been wanting to watch about puffins. They’re a type of seabird, do you know them?”
Rye shook his head.
“Ah, that’s okay.” The car shifted and started to move, and Rye watched silently as Jake navigated them out of the parking lot. When they turned onto the road headed back toward the hotel, Jake continued. “Puffins are these little seabirds that live along rocky coastlines, mainly in the North Atlantic region, like along the coasts of Canada, Greenland, and Iceland. This documentary is about the Atlantic puffin, which was threatened with extinction a few years back. What do you think? We can hang out at the hotel for a bit, order lunch, and watch the documentary? Then maybe get ice cream later?”
