Sam stepped up next to him as Ollie set their duffle bag on the bed, and Ollie turned and immediately gathered Sam up in his arms. The day had been long, and he knew Sam had struggled—a lot. Seeing his parents and sister again, seeing Barry, dealing with the reality of Barry’s health problems... All of these things had been challenges. Nothing had been easy or simple or pain-free.
“It’s a n-nice room,” Sam said, a slight tremor to his voice.
Ollie breathed a kiss on Sam’s cheek. “It’d better be. You don’t even wanna know how much I paid.”
He’d meant it as a joke, of course. But Sam tensed and pulled away, his eyes filled with guilt.
“Oh, god, Oll, I’m sorry, I-I’ll pay you back, I—and maybe... I mean, we could move to a cheaper hotel... or—or something, and—”
“Sam,” Ollie said firmly, and when Sam stopped, pursing his lips as he stared back at Ollie with even more guilt in his eyes, Ollie shook his head lightly. He lifted both hands and placed them on either side of his boyfriend’s neck. “It’s not a problem.I was just kidding. Don’t even worry about it. And the location is perfect, actually—close to the hospital and comfortable, and at least they don’t charge extra for parking. Or breakfast.”
Ollie stretched up a bit and, at the same time, drew Sam down to him in a gentle, reassuring kiss, like he hadn’t been able to all day. And after only a brief hesitation, Sam’s tension seemed to fade, and he moaned as he melted into the kiss, his mouth slanting against Ollie’s. Ollie felt warmth spread outward from his chest as Sam seemed to surrender to the kiss. Sam’s arms wrapped low around Ollie’s waist, pulling Ollie up against him tighter, and his tongue ran along Ollie’s lower lip and then into his mouth, his lips continuing to move in a slow caress. Ollie threaded his fingers up and into Sam’s hair as he deepened the kiss more, tasting and exploring. One of Sam’s hands rubbed up along his back, and the other stayed low but pressed into him more, bringing them closer still.
And it all felt amazing—not only his own pleasure but also knowing his love and presence were enough to chase away at least some of Sam’s anxiety and fear. But it was too much, getting too heated, maybe. The last thing he needed right now was some stupid panic attack-flashback-whatever thing to make Sam’s life even more difficult. So, with a groan of his own, Ollie pulled back, gentling the kiss, putting just a little space between their lower halves.
He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against Sam’s, letting his hands settle back on either side of Sam’s neck, his fingers caressing softly. He could feel Sam breathing hard, and he smiled to himself as he brought one hand down to press right into the center of Sam’s chest, feeling the rapid rise and fall with each breath and the strong pulse of his heartbeat. He swallowed back some of his heavier emotions, the ones that had no place here tonight, and he kissed Sam again, lightly, undemandingly.
“You are amazing, love,” Sam murmured, returning Ollie’s gentle kiss with another of his own. “I can’t tell you how much... God, you’ve been just...”
Ollie shifted slightly until his cheek was pressed up against Sam’s, and then he closed his eyes again, brushed his lips along Sam’s warm skin, just above his jawline, and let out a shuddering breath. “I can’t imagine being anywhere else tonight than here, with you. And I... haven’t done anything special. I’ve just been here, with you, to—to support you, because...” He kissed Sam again and then pulled back just enough to look into his boyfriend’s eyes. It hurt still, not being able to say the words, but when Sam smiled at him, and for the first time that day, the smile seemed to reach Sam’s eyes, Ollie’s own uncertainty and guilt disappeared.I love you, Sam.
But Sam’s smile faded, and his expression tightened just a little. He let his arms drop down to his sides, and he stepped away from Ollie and shoved his hands into his pockets. “I’m... ashamed at... my parents,” he said slowly, his eyes remaining trained on the floor. “I-I’m really sorry you had to experience, uh, them, and—”
“No, Sam. You don’t—”
Ollie let out a huff of air as his stomach clenched. He closed the distance between them again with one quick stride, and he reached out immediately, framing Sam’s face with his hands. As he lifted Sam’s chin just enough that Sam looked at him, he shook his head gently.
“Your parents arenota reflection of who you are. You are not like them, and you don’t have to apologize for how they behave. What did you tell your mom today? I think you said, ‘It only reflects poorly on you, not him.’ It’s the same thing, Sam. Your parents’ behavior... only reflects poorly on them, not you. God, I think meeting them has only made me have even morerespect for you. Because you, Samuel Reynolds, are kind and compassionate and caring. And... and I...”
Ollie paused, hoping that if he could maybe gather his courage, he could say those three words his heart knew were true. But before he could take another deep breath, steady himself, prepare himself, Sam pulled him into another embrace, and their lips met again.
There was an urgency to it this time, and everything else seemed to fade into the background; all Ollie knew was the feel of Sam’s lips on his, the warmth of Sam’s body pressing against him, Sam’s quiet whimpers and moans as the kiss deepened. His hands became restless, moving from Sam’s cheeks and then downward to his chest.
Desire pushed Ollie forward, and he let his hands continue their path as a rush of unfamiliar heat shot through him. He passed his open palms over Sam’s nipples, and even through the thin layer of cotton of Sam’s T-shirt, he could feel them harden more under his touch. Sam froze and broke the kiss, inhaling a sharp breath, but Ollie groaned and quickly recaptured Sam’s lips, his body on fire, tingling with need and want. And as their tongues met and danced and tasted, Ollie repeated the motion with his hands, sliding them back up Sam’s chest. The feel of the taut muscles under his hands sent a jolt through him, his body responding with another strong pulse of desire. He pressed his hips up into his boyfriend’s, feeling the hot, hard ridge of Sam’s shaft against his own, and they both moaned in unison.
God, it was so good.
He groaned into their kiss again and repeated the motion, rocking his hips just slightly against Sam’s. And this time, Sam’s hands moved a little lower, to the small of his back, keeping them close. Keeping that pressure Ollie wanted, needed...
It was so, so good.
Sam pulled away first, resting his forehead against Ollie’s and breathing hard as his hands dropped to Ollie’s hips and shifted them apart just a couple of inches.
Still struggling to catch his breath himself, Ollie closed his eyes and placed both of his hands low on Sam’s stomach. His boyfriend seemed to shiver in response.
“Ollie, I . . . want you. So much. I want to . . . I wantusto . . . But I . . .”
He felt the heat of Sam’s low whisper against his cheek, and he swallowed hard and nodded. Now more than ever, he understood the sentiment—the words Sam hadn’t quite said. If they’d been home right now—not here in some hotel room in Boston, both exhausted from too little sleep and too much stress, both needing to eat and shower and get some sleep before the morning, when they’d head back to the hospital as soon as visiting hours started—then, maybe...
With a quiet sigh, Sam pulled Ollie up against him again. “Thank you,” Sam murmured. “Thank you for being here with me. For being... you. I love you and everything you are and everything we are, together. I know one day we’ll, um, get there. But for now, I just—I’m just so thankful for every moment we have together. And, just... Thank you, love.”
Sam kissed Ollie’s cheek again, and a gentle warmth spread through him. This was love, Ollie knew. This was everything he ever needed and wanted. Sam. Him and Sam, together, through whatever life felt like throwing at them. And he could have echoed Sam’s thoughts, Sam’s gratitude and love almost word for word, if his voice would work right. He wanted to try again, to try saying the words aloud. He could think them, after all. He sort of just had. And he’d even said them aloud to his mom one time. But right now, actually... he just really wanted to stay in the warmth and love of the moment, here in Sam’s embrace.
So Ollie took another long breath, letting all of his feelings settle as Sam’s arms carefully moved from Ollie’s waist to around his back, then began running up and down his back in long, light strokes.
He leaned back just enough to tilt his head up and reach for another kiss—this one soft and slow and without the urgency from earlier. When they parted, Sam’s hand came up to cup his cheek, and Ollie leaned into his touch. After another final brush of his lips against his boyfriend’s, Ollie reluctantly stepped back.
“Uh, so... How about, um, I order us dinner, and we eat here?” Ollie asked. He reached up and rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t feel much like going out.”
