“I know. She’s a lot sometimes. But I love her,” his mom said. She lifted a hand slightly, and JoJo immediately sat at attention, her tail thumping the ground and her eyes trained on her owner.
“She loves you back.”
His mom grinned and then leaned over and scratched a spot behind JoJo’s ears. “It’s nice to be loved, huh?”
There was something in her voice that hit him then, and he looked down and pretended to be occupied by pushing his chair in and grabbing his to-go box, even as his hands shook a little.
She was right. It was nice to be loved. It was the best thing, actually. The thing that had kept him going, helped him survive the last two years. It was... everything to him.
And that... was what had him suddenly frozen, suddenly unable to move, his eyes screwed tightly shut and his free handballed up into a fist. He felt his mom’s hand set gently on his shoulder.
“Sweetie? Are you okay?”
“I . . . I don’t . . .”
His mom pulled him into a hug, and he let her embrace surround him, let all of her love surround him. Just like always. Just like he’d always known.
But his stomach knotted painfully as a sense of guilt flooded him.
Sam hadn’t been so lucky. Sam hadn’t had the love and support of his parents, like Ollie had always had from his mom. Ollie had come out to his mom when he was just barely fifteen, and she’d been immediately accepting, assured him she loved him, supported him at every opportunity. But when Sam had come out to his parents in his senior year of high school, his parents had done everything short of kick him out of the house. It had eventually gotten so bad—the snide comments, the insults, the threats—that before his final semester, Sam had made the decision to move out. Ollie remembered Sam saying how incredibly thankful he’d been that his uncle Barry had welcomed him with open arms, letting Sam live with him so he could commute to school and still get his diploma.
And now... now, even though he and Sam lived together and slept in the same bed together and spent almost all of their free time together, even as Ollie tried desperately to get his mind to recognize what his heart was telling him—that hedidlove Sam, that they could share an amazing happily ever after—he still hadn’t been able to give Sam the one thing it seemed Ollie took for granted, because it was just something he’d always had, always known. He still hadn’t been able to tell Sam, to say the words Sam so freely said to him all the time, every day.
He shuddered in his mom’s embrace and tightened his arms around her. “I... I do love him, Mom.”
“Oh, sweetie, I know you do, I know you do.”
“So . . . why can’t I tell him that? Why can’t I . . . just say the words?”
He pulled back, feeling tears in his eyes, and he suddenly remembered that they were still in public, still standing next to their table at the restaurant. Blinking back his tears, he shook his head and stepped away from her.
“Sorry, Mom, I just . . . I’m fine. It’s all fine. I . . .”
“Come on, sweetie,” his mom said, as though she knew exactly what he’d been thinking. She motioned to JoJo and then led Ollie back to her car. As soon as they settled in the front seat, she reached over and took his hand, squeezing gently. “Ollie, how do you know Sam loves you?”
The question surprised him, and he looked up from where he’d been staring at the to-go box in his lap. His mom’s expression was thoughtful now, but he could still feel her love, even though her eyes looked almost troubled.
“I . . .”
“Do you only know he loves you because he tells you in words?”
Of course not, Ollie thought. But he stayed silent as his mom continued.
“Or do you know he loves you because he shows you? He shows you in how he treats you, the things he does for you, the way he looks at you... the way he talks to you.” She paused for a moment, and he felt a tear slide down his cheek. He reached up with his free hand and wiped it away. Her hand squeezed his again. “You know he loves you. And even though you maybe haven’t been able to say the words to him, I promise you, Ollie, Samknowsyou love him too. He knows, sweetie, because you show him with your actions as much as he shows you with his.”
He just nodded. His mom took her hand back and started the car, and as she pulled away from the curb, he sat up a little straighter.
“Mom, um... can we make a quick stop before you drop me off at home?”
Chapter 6
Sam heard the front door close downstairs just as he stepped out of the bathroom, and he grinned as he stuffed his wallet into the back pocket of his jeans and then grabbed his cell phone from the nightstand.
Although he’d woken up briefly that morning when Ollie had gotten up at 4:30 a.m., he’d been hoping Ollie would get back from his hike with Katherine before Sam had to leave for work at noon—which was in only about five minutes. They were cutting it close. But five minutes was better than nothing, he knew, and he quickly pocketed his phone and jogged out the bedroom and down the stairs, intent to make the most of that five minutes.
He paused at the bottom of the steps, and his heart fluttered in his chest as he saw Ollie standing next to the kitchen table, his back to Sam. Ollie seemed to be arranging something on the table, completely oblivious to Sam’s presence, and he still wore his dusty hiking boots, his dark hair ruffled and messy. The muscles in his arms bunched and rippled as he did... whatever it was he was doing, and Sam drew in a sharp breath as warmth seemed to spread all the way down into his toes.
Ollie twisted his head around at the sound, and when their eyes met, Ollie’s soft smile grew, brightening up the room as Sam knew it could.
