Chapter 1
“My name is Oliver James Ellison, and until three weeks ago, I was a graduate student at Northwestern Kansas University.”
Ollie maintained the neutral expression on his face as he looked out over the group in front of him. His peers sat in rows of seats behind the three-member committee that would determine his future. It was hard to ignore his nausea or the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach as he purposefully avoided the gazes of Professors McLaughlin, Daniels, and Rayburn. Three older tenured men. Chosen as the committee to oversee his formal complaint... into the sexual misconduct of another older tenured man.
Because that made a lot of sense.
Of course, the chancellor had already let it be known what he thought about the situation. And the police had outright refused to investigate, claiming that he’d waited too long to report. Never mind the fact that his report of the incident had been well within the statute of limitations for sexual assault in the state of Kansas.
“My enrollment was suspended three weeks ago, when I reported to the chancellor that I was raped by Professor Maxwell Colins in October of 2021. I’m here now to tell my side of the story to the committee.”
Ollie swallowed tightly and blinked several times as he heard rustling from the back of the room. He lowered his eyes to his hands and continued with his prepared statement, no longer able to look up. No longer able to keep the emotion out of his voice.
“I wasn’t given a choice as to whether this hearing would be private or public. I... was only told that if I want to receivemy degree—a degree that I earned by defending my dissertation over two months ago—then I must be reinstated as a student here at NKU. So, I’m... here to tell you, the committee, what transpired on October 12, 2021, when I was cornered by Professor Colins and two other students in the multipurpose room on the third floor of Turner Hall.”
A huff from the back of the room forced him to look up, and he immediately regretted it. He screwed his eyes shut as the huff turned into a twisted sort of laughter and the laughter turned into some other mix of sounds he couldn’t quite interpret, muffled in the hazy fog that began to surround him. His hands flew up to cover his ears, and he shook his head, trying in vain to block everything out. But the laughter persisted, louder and louder until it was the only thing he could hear.
Then a gentle hand settled lightly on his shoulder, and a kind voice whispered in his ear, “Ollie, wake up, love. You’re dreaming again.”
“Sam . . . ?”
“Yes, love.”
Two strong arms surrounded Ollie as he allowed himself to be pulled up against his boyfriend’s chest, and he gripped Sam’s T-shirt and buried his head into Sam’s shoulder.
“I heard it again. Them laughing. Just—just like...”
“Shh, Oll, it’s over now, love. It was just a dream.”
Sam’s quiet voice soothed him, although he couldn’t steady his trembling. “But it... feels just like...”
“I know, love. I know.”
He felt a kiss brush lightly against his cheek, and Sam’s arms tightened around him, chasing away some of the darkness, like it always did. But it still felt too real, too raw. And his heart still hadn’t stopped racing.
Ollie settled himself deeper against Sam’s chest and released the grip he had on Sam’s T-shirt as Sam’s hand rubbedgently up and down Ollie’s back. The comforter covering them was pulled up higher around his shoulders, and a pleasant warmth surrounded him as Sam placed another kiss on his cheek.
“It’s still early, love,” Sam murmured. “Do you think you can get back to sleep? Or should we just get up now?”
Ollie’s stomach lurched as he shook his head. “Let’s try to get back to sleep. I... don’t want you to have to get up so early again, just for me.”
He heard a quiet chuckle and felt Sam’s hand graze his temple as Sam pushed Ollie’s hair back off his forehead.
“I don’t mind. You know that.”
With a nod, Ollie let out a long breath. He did know; he knew Sam would do anything to make him more comfortable, to take away his pain, to help him not have to relive his memories of the day he was assaulted and all those terrible days following it... including that one that seemed to have found a special place in his nightmares—the day he had to sit in front of that committee and tell his story.
But even though Sam had always gone out of his way to be sure Ollie knew that, Ollie still had trouble accepting that someone could love him so much, so unconditionally, so fully. Especially since he hadn’t yet been able to promise Sam the same. At least, not in words.
And even that, Sam understood.
“I know, but . . . How early is it? The . . . the sun’s not even up yet.”
There was another quiet chuckle, and the hot breath on Ollie’s neck sent a warm shiver through him. “It’s... four thirty.”
He groaned. Loudly.
“Four thirty? Sam, you only got home from work three hours ago. God, I’m sorry.”
